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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

OH MY GOD MY 14 YR OLD IS PREGNANT

157 replies

mummisery · 17/10/2006 21:56

My dd has told me she is pregnant things could not be worse and she wants to keep it. She cant keep this baby but i dont agree with abortion what can i do

OP posts:

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julezboo · 23/10/2006 16:39

MM

I have only just come across this post and thought I would add my 2 pence worth.

Im not sure where you are based, but where I used to live when I had my ds at 19 - that was considered "old" Its terrible!

I also have a younger brother. He was a troubled teen, my mum sent him 300 miles away to live with my dad, he still didnt settle, got into smoking cannabis, drinking, he has also been in court a few times!

He met a girl when he was 16 (i know slightly old than your dd) she was 15, they were on and off for two years! When he was 18 she fell pregnant (she was 17) My nephew is now almost 2 yrs old, hes a gorgeous little boy and although it took a while for my brother to settle down, numerous arresting incidents, fighting with his girlf, they split up for a while it was hell basically! They have just found a nice new house together, he is getting councilling and they are getting on fab. Im not saying your daughter should get back with ehr boyf, god no he sounds bloody awful!! And good on you for keeping him away!!

What Im trying to say is, maybe the baby will do her good, I know shes only 14 and it will bring her back down to earth with a hard bump, it did me and I was 19! Im now 24 and preg with my second. Maybe once she gets the realistic jist of the responisibilty she may settle down. My brother refused any kind of councilling until he had his son, now his whole world revolves around his little boy and although they are only young its lovely to watch him and see how much he has changed.

Good luck for whichever your daughter decides, I think your a brilliant mum for sticking by her

mummisery · 23/10/2006 19:10

Thanx julezboo im doing my best and will continue support my family the best i can and thankyou for your story it is very encouraging

OP posts:

hauntymandy · 24/10/2006 14:43

how are things now?

mummisery · 24/10/2006 19:35

Things are ok she decided to keep baby but she seems to think that i should wait on her hand and foot because she is tired and feels sick. We have fallen out because i am sick of her attitude towards everyone

OP posts:

theUrbanDryad · 25/10/2006 16:17

if she thinks it's bad now, she should wait till the baby is born!!

how did it go with getting one of the "reality dolls"? i hadn't thought of that, it's a brilliant idea...

mummisery · 25/10/2006 17:53

Urban havent had chance to sort out reality doll have made enquirys though. We seem to be getting a bit closer though she had a bit of a fit last night and started throwing her weight around but we have sat down and talked

OP posts:

theUrbanDryad · 25/10/2006 18:13

yes, keeping the lines of communication open is vital. difficult i know, when she is only 14 and not mature enough yet to realise this. BUT there will come a time when she looks back and thinks that her mum is her hero for all the help and support you have given her.

my thoughts are with you, hang in there. xxx

runkid · 25/10/2006 18:27

Will do thanx xx

GRUMPYGHOUL · 25/10/2006 19:10

I cannot imagine having a child at 14 but I think it is important for your daughter to decide what SHE wants to do without pressure and it is good that you are giving her space and support.

It is important that she knows that she will need to adjust her attitude to life if she wants keep this child. I have a close friend who fosters and the childrens mothers are often your daughters age. Whilst SS will do what they can to keep a child with its mother if they think that ultimately removal will be best for the child they will do it ? it may sound harsh but it is easier to get a baby adopted than a four year old!! If they become involved they would look at whether they think you will be left ?holding the baby? and staying out nights with friends who take drugs will not do her case any good.

It could be the making of her but only if she is willing to make major changes to her behaviour and find some more suitable friends.

runkid · 25/10/2006 19:19

Yes im hoping she will pull herself together only time will tell i suppose its a bit up and down right now but we will get through this.

Have posted under my proper nickname i dont suppose it matters

GRUMPYGHOUL · 25/10/2006 19:39

LOL thats why I never try any subterfuge id forget too! I find it really difficult not to mention family names.

winnie · 26/10/2006 12:27

mm, how are things?

runkid · 26/10/2006 17:16

Not bad winnie but she does need to start doing abit around the house she just sits around alday. I no she feels rough but she isnt to rough to make mess.Her hormones are a bit up and down so she is moodier than normal

Perigrine · 27/10/2006 18:37

Rk, have just this thread through and think that you are doing a fab job!!! I hope this all works out for you all

My sister fell pregnant at 17 on purpose to a total loser, and my nephew is a wonderful little guy, my mother was horrified and still came round!

We were lucky coz my Gran owened a flat that Sis got, SHe raised my Nephew in a one bedroom flat for 5 years and she went to Uni and got a 2.1 in computing.

It can be done!!!

runkid · 27/10/2006 20:33

What would be best for dd to eat she doesnt fancy anything apart from that she doesnt get up until after lunch and then she has gone out when i cook in the evening and doesnt come back until late so i dont cook for her as it just goes in the bin

Lwatkins · 27/10/2006 20:50

Hi mm, have read most of this thread and i sympathise with you greatly!
I have never been in this position myself and am not a mum...yet (few months to go!) I do however know someone who has been in a similar position with her daughter a few years back, and it was heartbreaking at the time. The girls background was slightly worse however, with her past and events that had happened etc - i wont go into detail cause it's not my place to say. I think, as hard as it is nobody but you and your daughter can sort this out and in the case that i knew even today things still arn't right. And in all honesty the only thing that seemed to take effect was tough love. Your daughter needs to feel loved and secure, but at the same time she has to learn to be respectful - especailly when she's living unde your roof. It's a difficult situation, cause the minute you do put your foot down with your daughter she will take it the wrong way and get angry. However, if you give into her she is gonna keep walking all over you. One thing that worked in the case i knew, similar to your daughter - you say she stays out late and has druggie friends? The mum did her research and got loads of very graphic leaflets about the harms you do to yourself and your baby when you mistreat your body during pregnancy and left them on the girls bed. The girl walked in and found a big pile of paper and leaflets on her bed, after scanning some of the horrible images - she actually calmed down a bit. It was a scare tactic and a chance card - but in this case it worked.
I'm not saying it will for your daughter, but if you could find something that might, as bad as it sounds scare your daughter into behaving better, you never no. Hit where it will hurt the most and have the best effect, sometimes you've gotta be cruel to be kind.
Hope things work out, my thoughts are with you x

runkid · 27/10/2006 21:24

Thanx

webcrone · 27/10/2006 21:26

Runkid - How's it going? Is she eating anything at all?

runkid · 27/10/2006 21:31

Cereals toast and crumpets

runkid · 27/10/2006 21:38

I eat at work i cook her meals they end up in the bin.She wont listen to me obviously i know nothing.Ive given up cooking for her she can cook but she just wont and anything i suggest she doesnt want.

Kidstrack · 27/10/2006 21:55

runkid she needs to get up before lunchtime and have breakfast and lunch then dinner, she needs to eat for her own health as well as the baby's and it won't do her any good of getting into a routine of sleeping on to lunchtime, i know she will be feeling crap if she is being sick but its just a part of pregnancy that she needs to deal with

xena · 27/10/2006 22:05

hi runkid- i've read your thread a couple of times in the last month and i'm sorry that things don't seem to be getting any easier for you, when is the baby due? and is your daughter recieving antenatal care from a dedicated youth team?

runkid · 27/10/2006 22:14

She has got antenatal care and seems really excited but she isnt motivated and bored she is taking her folic acid. She is in a bad routine because she stays up half the night and doesnt no what to do with herself in the day.
She doesnt listen to me i feel like a crap mum i just cant find a way in everything has to be on her terms

Kidstrack · 27/10/2006 22:19

your not a crap mum although you probably feel it at times, but you are there for her and you support her thats the best thing that she does have someone like you, years down the line she will reflect and thank you for it. Could you get her to do some chores during the day to keepe her occupied, giving her a list to go to the shops etc or is this a NO NO in her book, as a teenager myself i done chores and went to the shops etc for extra pocket money

runkid · 27/10/2006 23:05

To be honest i dont think i can keep on going through this my dd tells lies she is diseetful
disrespectful im sick of trying her brother and i have know life everything is centred round dd. Im of the mind if she wants to go it alone let her. I know she is up to know good just cant put my finger on what and she keeps having baths she had one a few hours ago she has just come in and is having another. Im worried and i feel totaly helpless.

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