When do you stop checking phones / messages?

[OccamsLadyshave]

DD is 13 (Y8) and has today changed the password on her phone. Up to now I have had an occasional check of her messages (with her knowledge).

I know I could make her tell me - I pay for the phone and could shut it off any time. I'm just wondering whether to go down that route or let her have a bit of privacy?

When do you think is old enough to stop checking phones?

Children can be incredibly naive. My 13 year old niece was agreeing to meet a 19 year old (or so he says) and nobody would have suspected that! She had the talk and been informed of the dangers etc. Her messages are now periodically checked and I think that's reasonable under the circumstances.

Oh right, are you pegging me as 'academic but idealistic and no street wisdom'? How boring. You asked, rather rudely, if we were stupid. We're not.

I don't check messages or call.

But the condition for DD joining fb was that I was one of her friends (so got a superficial update through my own newsfeed) and that it was linked to my own email.

More importantly, I've had the chat with her about what to do if she got messages/requests etc that she felt uncomfortable with.

I still check DD2 who is 13, but not DD1 17. Though DD2 has given me cause for concern before.

I've never checked either.

And arf at someone calling themselves "cheifbrody" asking someone else if they were thick!

I was thinking exactly the same thing MrsS

I've never checked either.

I don't check. Have access to one dd fb but not the other. They are both adults now.
DS doesn't have FB.

My DS is much more computer savvy than me. He could hide whatever he wanted too.

I've never checked. We talk about things all the time, I think he would tell me if there was a problem.

I'm not stupid either. It's c h i e f btw cheif.

I've never felt the need to check my DC's phones. I guess I'll join the others in the stupid parents corner.

For what it's worth, I've found they are more likely to talk openly if they feel you trust them enough not to check their messages.

I've never been FB friends with them either.

I do think brody has a point, I talk to my son about everything but you never know.

maybe not the thick part, maybe you are just a bit naive... or never watch the news or read the papers.

No, you're right, as a 51 year old journalist I am completely unaware of the world around me and never consume any media at all. I happen to know that MrsS and BTM are similarly ditzy.

We must be really stupid cheifbrody.

Yes, you very intelligent cheif you

Ah, but I'm FB friends with my 2

Except that they never post on FB, it is strictly used for private messaging, if at all - snapchat/insta are the main modes of communication. Or Skype.

I just hope you will not turn out to be one of the parents who will say

''I wish I checked their phone''

Don't know where 'you' came from, apologies for the rogue word.

I think you are naive if you think the messages you are checking are the only ones your DC send.

Never done it. Never occurred to me. But I may well be a bit thick.

TBH they tend to tell us most things.

At least I am trying to look out for their safety unlike others who have the ''whatever'' attitude.

Anyway back to the op....... son is 13 and i still look.

Come off it, you secretly hope we are those parents and that we come repentantly back to admit you were right. (Shall I put in a passive-aggressive smiley here?)

TBH they tend to tell us most things.

You hope.

mother... I would never wish any child or indeed anyone to be duped into being friends with someone online and then something terrible happens to them.... That would be awful but sadly does happen....

Of course I hope. But I am not going to find every deep dark and dangerous secret by checking their phones and laptops anyway.