prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

[canttakeanymore]

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

he was old enough to contract the phone and run up the bill! what more can i say

i wanted to shread him

lol! "commit the crime, do the time!!", i bet you did, i would have shredded him too!

they disconnected him! and guess what i cancelled my landline with bt and got myself a mobile ha ha which has security pin numbers to its hilt ha ha

I AM THE MOTHER...oh yeah

MMAD-pmsl..i bet he wasnt though!

bet he asks my bloody mother lol...

gonna leave you with all my best hope iv said somthing that helps or at least made you laugh..

will check back in morn ..

BE STONG... WE ARE THE MOTHERS...

will keep the thread updated after dd discovers her room tomorrow!.
night!

spacecadet I have never been so gripped by a mumsnet thread and I have been around for YEARS!

Hope it all goes well.
I thing Custy's advice is spot on. I am going to print it out for future reference, and hope I never need it.

losingdd: my dd does not see her dad she cannot stand him but that is because he has treated her badly.
makemineadouble:you have some good advice going on there. left dd at home as she wouldnt come out with the family.put the lock on the phones didnt give her any money and she had to cook her own dinner.she isnt going to stop me having a life any longer and surprise she was home when i got back and as nice as pie.

Message withdrawn

losingdd, my daughters have issues with their dad as well. Looks like you've hit on a theme here.

ldd i relate completely to what your saying. God help you with what your going through

I have cried and begged and thrown myself emotionally at my teens feet to be walked on! When their in this mind zone they see love concern as interfearence.tears of pain or frustration as weakness

there is a time for talking soothing mendind
but first it has to be tough,thats all they respect

they think were monsters because they cant do as they please...Well ...in life you cant its hard it gets real shitty and you have to tow the line
who better to arm them for that if not their mother?
God knows no one else will

Spacey, hoiw's it going? I have a 16yr old DS and he's been difficult too. Thinking of you and remember..

WE ARE THE MOTHERS!!

this might not be helpfull but i was exactly like your daughter execpt i didnt own a phone, i needed love and attention i lashed out like your dd so i got some any attention i cried out for it i attempted suicide twice to get my mother never said i love you to at 15 i moved into my nans house changed my diet got a job and supported myself. i found self worth by my mother sending me letters about life and how much she loved me. i moved out when i was 16 got my own flat and found out life was hard really hard!!!!!!! i grew up emotionaly and mentally i realise what a terror i had been said sorry at 18 and my mum and i are best friends even though she lives in the uk and me australia it took me 7 years i am now 19. your daughter needs you to be strong for her she needs comfort and lots of your GOOD attention praise good behaviuor ignore bad. she need to know you love her just as much as your others. dont treat them like they are all that and her like a dissobient dog.
she will get there

SC... How did it go??

shes not back yet..stayed the night at her friends..shes got to come back eventually though.
losingdd-i think my dd has been damaged by her relationship with her father, she never behaves like this for him, she once confessed that it was because she knew i loved her, but didnt think her dad did, so would never act up for him in case he rejected her, however he has still rejected her, but she wont see him as anything other than perfect
thats what gets me..her father emotionally abuses her and has actually told her that his 2 children wqith his new wife are more important, yet ive showered her with love.
jayjay-im sorry you had a tough time, i had a rotten childhood too which i wont go into , but ii can assure you that my daughter has had nothing but love, however it would seem that everytime she is rejected by her father, she takes it out on me.
anorak-i definitely see a pattern with the father/daughter thing.

i dont think that if your kids go off the rails it has to be parents fault alot of things contribute to a kid who has lost control. my dd rebellion started with the sudden death of my mother dd was only 10 and has never talked about it.her relationship with dad got worse,she was thrown out of school i got psd and her life went down the toilet and to top it off 2 more of the family died.i have NEVER stopped loving and caring for dd and have been out many nights trying to find her.i have involved all agencys and quite frankly it has been a bloody waste of time.my partner left me but im coping just fine i will never give up on my dd my kids are the most prescious thing in my life and thankyou makemineadouble for putting me on to this site.

we mums need to stick together thinking of you all

i sometimes wonder if the things that have happened in my own life recently, havent helped.

spacecadet these things may not have helped but we are not to blame when things go wrong in our lives and our kids do have choices just like we do none of us are perfect. we can get through this with a little help from our friends

my mother has gone behind my back and invited dd to stay with her for a few days..fgs

That is fine, enjoy the break.

She has to come home eventually.

Concentrate on the other children.

Enjoy the break spacey. Don't spend the time worry about what she's up to. Enjoy the rest of the family and go and do some fun things.

make the most of it you deserve a break

Sorry Can't offer any advice about your dd, but having read this thread i'm sorry your having a realy bad time, but a least you know she is somewhere safe.

As other have said enjoy the break, at least now you will have time to move bedrooms about in your own time.