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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
Mell2tingPotofGooooooo · 17/10/2006 21:49

Wish i had some good advice for you, hope someone with experience comes along soon (maybe start a new thread so people can see)

Do you know who the father is - boyfriend?

I have a 14 dd so feel absoloutely sick for you As you say, it is our worst nightmare

mummisery · 17/10/2006 21:51

Thanx Mell2 i do no whose it is and it is not good believe me it couldnt be any worse

Mell2tingPotofGooooooo · 17/10/2006 21:57

oh mm Is dd very far gone? Maybe when it has sunk in she will change her mind.

Mellxxx

mummisery · 17/10/2006 22:00

I think a couple of months i just cant talk to her about it right now because i dont want to argue tonight until i have my head round the whole thing

Mell2tingPotofGooooooo · 17/10/2006 22:04

Just seen the other thread now mm so will go over there if i can be of any support.

Well done for leaving it tonight (you have more strength than me) Much better to talk tommorrow when it has all sunk in.xxxxxxxx

Molesworth · 17/10/2006 22:10

{{{ mummisery }}}

mummisery · 18/10/2006 20:02

Thanx molesworth.

Hi winnie hows things with you?

Spacey are things all quiet with you rk

winnie · 18/10/2006 22:29

mummisery, I have only just seen these two threads and if you are who I think you are please mail me. I am so sad for the both of you.

Whilst, in theory, I'd go with custy's advice on the other thread I ABSOLUTELY know that it is not that simple, this is on top of a whole load of other stuff and you and dd are in a very lonely, difficult, dark place together in conflict right now. YOu have been there for her and loved her and given her the knowledge to make the right choices and she has chosen (for whatever reason) not to do what is best for her. You and I both know that you have a fragile relationship with dd and if she really does decide that, come what may, she is having this baby I think you are the kind of Mum who will support her. However, you need support too. You need support to get through this whatever dd decides. Do you have any friends or relatives you can lean on. Does your work have a employee support programme? (I've just accessed one via my work and although there are no counsellors in my area I am now going to have some telephone counselling). I imagine that as you've had so much to deal with in recent years you've learnt who your friends are but lean on people, take offers of help. There is a lot of help for young Mums out there too. As mother we know that what your dd is facing is going to be tough and I can only imagine how scared and sad you are for her (too much too young etc) but perhaps this really is the time for her to grow up and take some responsibility. You cannot make her have an abortion, you can support her but she needs to know from the start that this child is hers and she will be its mother not you. Does that make sense? I know it sounds harsh but I hope you know what I mean.

Thinking of you and her {{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}

mummisery · 18/10/2006 23:13

Hi Winnie, i will mail you and yes i agree with all you have said and i have told her i will not do it for her. She is scared and so am i she is still my little girl. Speak to you soon x

makemineadouble · 18/10/2006 23:42

the father.........Message deleted

winnie · 19/10/2006 07:41

mummisery, I'm thinking of you!

How is everyone else doing?

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 16:05

hi everyone, sorry its been a while.
firstly, dd was offered the job but has turned it down, they wanted her to work illegal hours.
there have been a couple of irrational outbursts, nothing on the previous scale though, but one was over me not buying her any shampoo, the other has been over her not doing any school work .
ive phoned the school as i think shes just going to flunk her exams, shes got bacvk in with her ex boyfriend who is a delightful creature(not), although he lives 200 miles away, they have been declaring undying love for each other on msn, now shes getting a train down there next week to see him. hes already been in plenty of trouble, he shot his brother with a bb gun, his brothers only 10!
mummisery-i was shocked to read your thread, i think i know who you are and the only thing that i can advise is that first, she needs to see a gp as its important that you find out how many weeks pregnant she is.
then i think others have said counselling, well i second that, she needs to speak to someone impartial about her pregnancy, . i dont agree with abortion..but she needs to look at her options, shes had to grow up fast and once a baby comes along, it will symbolise the end of her childhood, however on a positive note, the baby could be the best thing that ever happens to her,she will have someone who relies on her and once shes a mother herself, she will see the world through different eyes and maybe empathise with what you have gone through with her. big, big, {{hugs}}} to you and your dd.

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 16:17

by the way, the last couple of lines of my thread were said quite tongue in cheek, the reality of having a baby very young, will soon kick in when she is sleep deprived and broke, or when she wants to go out. i think a lot of teenagers look on having a baby as having a little doll to play with that they can dress up etc, the reality is very different.
i fell pregnant at 18 with my eldest dd(the troublesome one!!!), i carried on with the pregnancy because in all honesty, i didnt really know what having a baby entailed, i didnt look past the baby stage..i was brought down to earth with a very big bump.
she is lucky to have a supportive and loving mum like you and as i said, if she is hellbent on having this baby there is nothing you can do and as i said in my previous post, very tongue in cheek but if she becomes a mother herself, she will have an onsight into how you have felt over the last few years, your perspective changes when you have your own children..first things first, she must go to the doctors..has she perfomed a test with you?

mummisery · 19/10/2006 20:32

Spacey and winnie
DD has been to doctors and she wont have councilling and i think i may kill her. Her attitude is shit she is rude and unrelenting. She lies around alday because she feels sick that bloke is round here all the time when im at work ive completely had enough feel ill myself. I told her dads family and all they could do was slag us off. Im feeling sorry for myself and my son just wish she wasnt here i no i shouldnt say that but my life has been ruled by dd for soo long im exausted

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 20:50

mumisery-, if shes behaving like this, shes hardly in the position to bring another life into the world, i cant beleive this guy is still sniffing around, report him to the police, your daughter is not a consenting adult and now he has got her pregnant. the worst case scenario is that you contact social services and tell them the new circumstances, he is not fit to be around anyone, let alone a baby

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 20:51

email me if you want to rant some more.
ezzywezzy at msn dot com (remove spaces)

mummisery · 19/10/2006 20:57

SS already no and so do police am just waiting to see what i can do i just dont want to lose dd to. I should have been firmer along time ago but she was running away so much i just wanted to keep her close. What a bloody mess i just ant see a way out

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 21:01

{{hugs}}this is not down to you, you did not cause this to happen.it saounds like youve got a heck of a lot on your plate as it is. you can get dolls that are like real babies, they scream in the night to be fed etc, some schools use them as part of a sex education programme, a few weeks of having one of those might change her mind.

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 21:03

im disgusted that neither the police, nor social services care that a 14 year old girl is pregnant by a 21 year old who is violent

mummisery · 19/10/2006 21:10

They are doing something its just slow and tedious and ive had enough

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 21:15

i wish i could say something helpful

mummisery · 19/10/2006 21:23

Thanks spacey have mailed you

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 19/10/2006 21:27

will check my emails.

webcrone · 19/10/2006 21:39

I wish I could offer or say something helpful too. Is there any way you could take some time off work? I was signed off for a couple of weeks when things got particularly hellish at home, and my employers were terrifically supportive and even gave me some extra leave. Just being at home gave me an opportunity to reassert myself in MY house and gather my strength a bit, and work out what I really wanted, other than the nightmare to stop.

Try not to give yourself a hard time about what you think you should or shouldn't have done - it doesn't help one jot.

The baby/doll thing might be worth trying though it would need some willingness or cooperation from your DD that doesn't seem to be present. My foster daughter was doing a child care course and brought one home overnight. It had been set on the most demanding setting and cried non-stop for hours, all through the night. One night was enough for all of us.

Thinking of you.

mummisery · 19/10/2006 21:54

Thanx webcrone i break up tomorrow for two weeks. I just feel such a failure right now im sick of coming home to a messy house i dont feel im giving my son enough attention and feel completely drained emotionally and physically im sick off my miserable life

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