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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
anorak · 28/09/2006 19:27

Thanks rk I want to invite DD2 but she told SS some terrible things about DH, all lies. She really should apologise. She admitted to SS that it was all lies in the end but what she said could have split our marriage and had our son taken into care. I can't expect him to accept her in our house unless she at least acknowledges that to him (she already has to me). Anyway she knows this and has said she will write him a letter, but it remains to be seen if she really will.

runkid · 28/09/2006 20:37

Anorak i really hope she does write that letter. She obviously had her reasons for what she did i really hope that it works out for your family and you can all forgive and forget.

makemineadouble · 28/09/2006 22:34

A my dd did that to me (ss thing) when i tackled her she just cried really and said she'd been showng off just agreeing with what the school was putting to her!!! they dont realise how dangerous talk is

anorak · 29/09/2006 09:39

I want her to be totally welcome here but I have to respect DH's wishes, it's his home too.

All this drives me to despair at times, I am forever caught between them, putting their case to him, putting his case to them. It's very hard as both parties using me as a mediator tend to take out their frustrations on me.

At the end of the day I know DH accepted those girls as if they were his own and brought them up as such for almost 9 years, only to have his character assassinated by these lies. They broke his heart and I can't expect him to simply forgive and forget - he at least deserves an apology.

runkid · 29/09/2006 12:34

Lets hope she can pluck up the courage to sat sorry. You must find it so hard my heart goes out to you

runkid · 30/09/2006 22:06

How are things spacey and moley? im having tough time with dd at mo she is never hear always missing and wont tell me where she has been or what she is up to.She is doing my head in!!! She went to school for 5mins and refuses to go back.I might as well noy bother for all the good its doing.Ive a meeting with ss on wednesday i just dont see the point anymore !

SpaceCadet · 30/09/2006 22:17

hi runkid-sorry you are having a tough time at the mo, ive been ill this week, hence i havent really been posting.did you ask for the social services meeting or did they engineer it?
maybe some good will come out of it?

runkid · 01/10/2006 09:27

The meeting was already arranged its a children in need review we always have them. They havent got any new ideas and none of the old ones have worked. They freely admitt there is nothing much they can do they are out of ideas.I dont think there is much point them being involved any more they cant do anything but im not going to let them off the hook that easily.

runkid · 02/10/2006 09:21

Can anyone give me advice i am at my wits end my dd has been missing all week on and of i am so tired i cant think straight and feel on the edge. I have already suffered depression once and i do not want it again. I am a single mum with 2 children and right now i am finding it hard to cope everything that can be tryed has been i just dont no what to do

anorak · 02/10/2006 09:38

Oh runkid how worrying for you. When you say missing 'on and off' what do you mean? I suppose when you call police you just get the usual rubbish 'what do you want us to do' type of comments?

Perhaps there isn't anything you can do. You may have to let go it's so hard isn't it?

runkid · 02/10/2006 10:23

Anorak the police look for her but they have better things to do and they are very slow at turning up. DD comes back at odd times to feed and then goes again.

I have tryed to let her just get on with it but 4yrs on i am worn out and more worried than ever

winnie · 03/10/2006 14:18

runkid, how is it going?

anorak · 03/10/2006 16:28

Yes runkid? And you winnie? And everyone?

SpaceZombie · 03/10/2006 16:38

i am absoloutely shit, about as down as i can get, to make matters worse, ive hit a brick wall looking for a job and posted a thread saying how upset i was and no one bothered to reply, i am actually feeling that i cant see any point in anything..my life has no point to it, i cant stop crying, im so unhappy.

SherlockLGJ · 03/10/2006 16:39

Oh Spacey

anorak · 03/10/2006 16:51

Oh poor you spacey I will find your other thread and bump it up. I noticed the last 60 board was moving really fast today.

Crying is good you know it gets it out of your system. Things will get better I promise xxx

SPACEdoutZombieCADET · 03/10/2006 16:53

i cant really begin to describe how bad i feel..

SPACEdoutZombieCADET · 03/10/2006 16:55

I HOPE SO ANORAK-I REALLY DO, ITS ALL THE LITTLE THINGS, NORMALLY INSIGNIFICANT THINGS..sorry for caps that are getting me soo down, i feel like im in a black hole that i cantget out of, my life feels like a drudery with no end and i dont see an adult from one day to the next..i want it to srtop, i want to go back to how i feklt before, im scared feeling like this.

anorak · 03/10/2006 16:58

You sound depressed to me and it's not surprising given the things that have been happening to you. Are you being treated for depression?

I wish I was a bit nearer so we could meet up. There must be someone near enough to meet up with you and give you a bit of support face to face?

anorak · 03/10/2006 17:12

SC I am going out in a few minutes and won't be back till late. But I'll be here all day tomorrow if you want to talk. x

SPACEdoutZombieCADET · 03/10/2006 17:16

i am depressed, i recognise the signs, no there isnt anyone really, i "know" quite a few mumsnetters but they are all a long distance away.
i dont have any rl friends here as i only moved here 6 months ago..i left all my friends behind 200 miles away. no im not being treated for depression, the thought of going toi a doctor and admitting im depfressed fills me with dread.

SPACEdoutZombieCADET · 03/10/2006 17:16

i am depressed, i recognise the signs, no there isnt anyone really, i "know" quite a few mumsnetters but they are all a long distance away.
i dont have any rl friends here as i only moved here 6 months ago..i left all my friends behind 200 miles away. no im not being treated for depression, the thought of going toi a doctor and admitting im depfressed fills me with dread.

SPACEdoutZombieCADET · 03/10/2006 17:16

thanks anorak.

winnie · 03/10/2006 17:19

I am sorry you are feeling so bad.
oh spacey, did you go to the drs?
I am going to go and look at your other thread too. [whispers "I am ldd"] xx

runkid · 03/10/2006 18:22

Spacey go get some help mate i know exactly how you feel because i have just come out the otherside of depression you need some support you really do.Dont sit and suffer on your own its the worst thing you can do.

Hi winnie nice to here from you. I am fine just dealing with the normal shit but im hitting back hard and will until i get somewhere. How are you?

Spacey am worried about you what county do you live in?