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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
losingdd · 23/09/2006 12:19

Message withdrawn

runkid · 23/09/2006 13:22

Hi everyone i hope you dont mind but have sent this thread to ITV they where asking for people who where worried about there children i think we fit that catagory its for a documentary

runkid · 23/09/2006 13:47

Molesworth Anorack Losingdd Spacecadet and anyone else on this thread. I was doing some work on childmissing website today and noticed that a young girl of twenty had posted in "Tell your story" you should all go to site and read it. This story reduced me to tears but it will give you all hope and show you that there is light at the end of the tunnel eventually

runkid · 23/09/2006 18:02

LDD im sorry if you have removed posts because of my post to ITV. Im only trying to tell my story and get across the point that something needs to be done for our children. They cant use the thread it was for her to read and its all confidental the threads not going on the TV. I am sorry to have upset you

SpaceCadet · 23/09/2006 18:10

hi everyone, sorry didnt mean to worry you, ive been low and a little sleep deprived, also decided to enforce a few days break from mn.
dd hasnt been too bad, she was on work experience this week and absoloutely loved it, she got a report back to say that she was enthusiastic etc and they considered she was well suited for her chosen career..i hope this has motivated her somewhat to knuckle down at school,.
molesworth, i always knew my dd had been self harming because she wraps a bandage round her arm!

runkid · 23/09/2006 18:15

Spacey glad your ok and thats great about your dd work experience. I hope your feeling a bit better

SpaceCadet · 23/09/2006 18:17

i will do after a good nights sleep!

runkid · 23/09/2006 18:28

its nice to here from you

makemineadouble · 23/09/2006 18:43

Hi spacey I think thats really positive that dd enjoyed work exp infact I think its great that she went at all, after reading some other posts may I ask what area of work shes interested in?

fayw · 23/09/2006 19:32

To everyone on this thread I am posting a message from losingdd. Unfortunately she has had to have all of her posts deleted under this name due to a turn in events today in her personal life. She will continue to read this thread with interest and wishes you all the best but for the present ldd has had to bow out of this forum. She has also said 'best wishes runkid with your website'

runkid · 23/09/2006 19:42

LLD email me if you would like to chat [email protected] i wish you all the best

anorak · 24/09/2006 11:34

LDD thinking of you and I hope this 'turn in events' is something that can mend. You are most welcome to CAT me if you should wish to talk. I wish you all the good things xxx.

runkid · 25/09/2006 19:29

Well went to court today with dd she now has a curfew and is tagged i believe i have been here before we will have to see if it works this time. She also informed me that she is thieving and the reason for this is that i wont give her any money. I told her if she wants money for new clothes then maybe she should pick the ones she has got up off the floor and look after them and maybe i would think about buying her some new clothes if she behaved and stopped running me up massive phone bills. She told me to F*k OFF can you believe it!!!

makemineadouble · 25/09/2006 20:02

RK so sorry hope you tried some of those restraining moves you learned at work! If you can wrestle a 6' 19 tear old dd is easy peasey

runkid · 26/09/2006 18:47

WEll everything is going to hell i woke up this morning to find a 21 year old lad asleep on my sofa he shouldnt have been in my house and he knows it and i came home from work and there he was again i really dont know what to do. DD was seeing this lad last year very dodgy history and it seems even with an abduction order nothing is being done. I might as well just move out my house isnt even safe anymore

makemineadouble · 26/09/2006 20:04

RK can you be really brave and ask him to leave?

runkid · 26/09/2006 21:03

Thats not a problem its when im not here that worries me

runkid · 26/09/2006 21:39

how is everyone else doing

makemineadouble · 26/09/2006 23:06

I still have probs with lil bro's gf! think he's gone back! dd ok at mo! ds fighting like mad with ???? who shall i call him? dh of 1 year... dp of 6 years... one thing worse than fights with dad? thats fights with stepdad

theUrbanDryad · 27/09/2006 15:35

hi everyone, just thought i would post on here. been catching up with everyone's posts and hope you're all doing ok.

since you seemed to find it useful to hear things from a "teenagers" point of view (even though i'm not a teenager anymore!! ) i thought i'd put something on here about self-harm and counselling.

when i used to self-harm as a teenager it was very much for attention, very small cuts, always made sure my mum or teachers would see. then i'd go for counselling, basically lead them around in circles, and come out feeling like i was the winner.

now, the reasons for doing this are twofold: 1) i didn't really want counselling, i didn't know what i wanted! 2) counsellors are quite often useless and unhelpful unless the person being counselled wants to be helped! also, a teenager likes to think they are superior to someone, especially if they have low self-esteem (links to cutting again!) therefore running rings around a counsellor or psychiatrist gives a weird feeling of superiority that is really good for a teenager.

and on the cutting front: if they are showing the cuts, then i would not be TOO worried (though obviously cutting your arms is not a healthy sign by any means) however accidentally finding cuts, or a child being secretive about it IMO would be more a cause for concern. i think i posted on here before about my last cutting experience: i just totally lost the plot, didn't know how else to release the frustration i was feeling at the time and carved my left arm up good and proper, ended up having stitches and scared myself so much i haven't done it since! this was only in november last year! i now have ugly scars on my arms, have had to plan my wedding dress with sleeves because of it (on a totally random note I'M GETTING MARRIED ON FRIDAY!!!!! THAT'S TWO DAYS AWAY!!!! ARGH!!!!!! sorry....)

anyway, hope this helps. i was shocked to hear about LDD, does anyone know if she's ok?? thinking of you all......-em xxx

runkid · 27/09/2006 18:57

Urban good luck for friday matey wish you the best of luck. Thankyou for your post it is always interesting to here from someone who has been in a similar situation to our kids and insightfull

anorak · 27/09/2006 19:03

Yes Urban thanks - this is really insightful for me in explaining what happened when I took DD1 to counselling.

LDD did email me but only briefly, she sounded ok but didn't give me any details about why she couldn't post any more. She did say she would be in touch.

runkid · 27/09/2006 20:04

Anorak tell LDD im thinking of her

anorak · 28/09/2006 12:47

I'm still waiting for her to email again. She said she will go on reading the thread anyway.

I'm having a strange day, feeling very sad and missing my DDs

I'm planning a family party for my son's birthday, have invited DD1 but don't know what to do about DD2 as she still has to make it up with my DH.

Have also invited best friend with whom I had a huge row at the weekend because she is so angry with my DDs and keeps expecting me to join in when she tells me they are 'little bitches' etc. Aaargh - am scared it will all go tits up.

runkid · 28/09/2006 19:12

You should invite DD2 wouldnt she feel left out if you didnt it may break the ice being a time to celebrate your sons birthday and everything else should be forgotten for that day as it is your sons day. I hope you dont mind me being frank but your friend really shouldnt say things like that about your DD's and expect you to agree its not her place

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