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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
SpaceCadet · 19/09/2006 17:56

i will go to the gp.
molesworth, brilliant news that your dd went to the pru..baby steps...
runkid..arrghh at your dd, you are her mother, not her slave, you are someone she should respect and look up to, you nurture her..you are not there to wait on her hand and foot.
losingdd, you must feel so helpless{{hugs}}}.
have you reported her missing?..its awful when youy are sat at home helplessly wondering what the hell is happening to them..they forget that they are your babies, you cuddled them to sleep, helped them take their first steps, delighted when they rode a bike without stabalisers, you cant shut off all those feelings.

runkid · 19/09/2006 20:38

Molesworth thats brilliant what a break through

LLD how you doing today!!

Spacey hope things are ok with you

I cant believe it i came home today and dd has tidyed the house WOW

SpaceCadet · 19/09/2006 21:34

blimey runkid,thats amazing!

makemineadouble · 19/09/2006 21:55

runny dont know if you should be pleased or more worried than ever lol strength to you all your all in my thoughts

ShiverMeMolesworths · 20/09/2006 12:18

Blimey RK, you must've been !

DD hasn't gone into school today, so she's managed one day out of three. Am still hopeful that she'll get into the swing of it though.

Thinking of you all x

runkid · 20/09/2006 19:40

SMM house is done again today but she didnt go to school but i think were getting there at least your dd went one day its better than nothing

Molesworth · 20/09/2006 21:26

RK ... she did the house again?! That is fantastic!

I agree with you - one day at school feels like a major triumph at the moment ... and she is saying she'll go in tomorrow. My expectations are pitched really low, which is good because the smallest thing becomes a cause for celebration

Molesworth · 21/09/2006 09:18

How is everyone? Spacey you've gone very quiet, are you ok?

Dd hasn't gone to school again (she's only managed one day), and she self-harmed last night ... about 20 cuts on her forearm

runkid · 21/09/2006 20:08

Molesworth sorry to here that especially the self harm do you think it was over school!!
My dd currently missing police bought her back last night at 2.20 drunk as a lord she had gone again by 2.30 and havent seen her since.

Spacey how you ding have you seen GP hope your ok

makemineadouble · 21/09/2006 22:24

Mole sorry to nose did she show you these wounds or hide them or did she let you find them ????

makemineadouble · 21/09/2006 22:27

I only ask coz my dd used to mop up with loo roll then leave it in bathroom bin so id find it!! then we'd talk and she'd tell me what was wrong but she always made sure i knew she'd done it

Molesworth · 21/09/2006 22:28

hi mmad and rk

rk - really sorry to hear your dd is missing again. Dear god it's so exhausting for you, I hope she is back soon x

dd cut her left forearm about 60 times .. it is hard to miss! I think it's a combination of stress about school and other stuff that has been going on this year. I'm not sure she can cope with school right now, although as occupational therapy I think it would be good for her. The PRU are being very helpful, and I've spoken to their counsellor today ... I'm hopeful that she will be able to offer some support.

Really getting worried about you spacey, please report in soon!

Molesworth · 21/09/2006 22:29

mmad, yes my dd is similar in that she will usually let me know somehow that she has harmed herself, although sometimes she cuts her legs where I can't see

Is your dd still self harming or has she stopped now?

makemineadouble · 21/09/2006 23:31

mole her self harm was early on maybe 13-14 think it was her way of making me see that she was in touble or punishing me for not noticing something? even tho it cut her I some how feel the pain was meant for me?? this was a few years ago the story in between was horrendous! shes mine again now 100% I thank whatever power every day

makemineadouble · 21/09/2006 23:52

LDD any news?

anorak · 22/09/2006 08:29

Molesworth is there any kind of professional therapy you could get her to go to for the self-harming? I fully understand she might refuse the help, my DD1 always refused help for her psychological problems.

runkid where does your DD get the money to be blind drunk? (Mine always found money for cigarettes from somewhere even when I didn't give her money).

I am probably seeing DD1 today at my friend's funeral. She says she is going to try and come over. I'm glad for her effort but I hope she won't embarrass us by turning up in jeans and T shirt, or behaving inappropriately, she delights in embarrassing us. I haven't yet told DH that she is coming as I know he is going to be edgy about it.

makemineadouble · 22/09/2006 10:42

A even if she's embarrasing try to steal a hug anyway good thinkin about rk's dd and the money! is someone given her the drink? can anything be done about this? supplying minor??

Molesworth · 22/09/2006 11:02

anorak, I'm sorry to hear about your friend I hope today goes smoothly for you

re: therapy - dd was referred for therapy but would not attend the appointments that were set up for her. Now we have been removed from social services books. The PRU has a counsellor - I'm hoping dd will work with her. But tbh she doesn't seem willing or able to enter into that process at the moment.

runkid · 22/09/2006 19:13

Anorack i dont give her money other people buy it for her.

Spacey how are you doing!!

losingdd · 23/09/2006 10:22

Message withdrawn

anorak · 23/09/2006 10:54

Hi everyone!

runkid I was 99% sure you'd say that. With our DD we used to say, people will soon get fed up with her sponging off them all the time, but then she moved on, she lost all the good friends she had, the ones who were working hard at school and treating others properly, and moved on to some lazy sods who sponged everything off their parents and thought nothing of coming round here and stealing my stuff, so I had to ban them from the house.

It's madness because my DD is now living in a squalid flat scratching around on benefits and going to college learning to be a hairdresser (no problem with that) but she gets nothing from us now. Had she stayed we'd be supporting her through 6th form and beyond to uni, cooking meals, doing her washing, giving her plenty of money for babysitting her little brother. I hope there is something about this life that makes her happy

Same regarding your DD molesworth and the counselling. If they refuse to go what can you do? My DD used to go to the appointments but treat the counselling like a game where if they got nothing out of her she was the winner. But I note you say not "willing or able" and I do agree sometimes they are not ready to undergo something so personally invasive. However I don't know how we are supposed to help them without it.

The funeral went really well yesterday, thanks for asking, very very moving as my friend was well-loved. DD did not make it there as I think she was asked to go and work as part of her course. I'm glad she is knuckling down on that anyway.

losingdd I hope things go the way you want them to. If she chooses to go then I know it will hurt you but it will give you relief from the day to day stresses at least. And there is nothing to say she won't come back again.

SC how are you?

makemineadouble · 23/09/2006 11:04

LDD I would have let him stay too If he's there least you can see what he's doing and of course she'll stay bit longer and cant acuse you of not helpng. is her illness drug related or just proper pourley. how is he with you? bit shifty or dead cocky?

makemineadouble · 23/09/2006 11:09

Anorak glad you got through day I think its great that shes working towards a qualification good for her and also your home sounds lovely can i move in please

runkid · 23/09/2006 12:16

anorak im glad funeral went ok my dd has just returned home from another night out. They seem to prefer to be surrounded by squalor that i nice home!!

LDD hope your dd stays she really needs to GOODLUCK

Spacey are you ok a little worried about you!!

losingdd · 23/09/2006 12:17

Message withdrawn