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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 15:49

anorak is there a reaon that she would drop news so harshly? Do they not get on? sounds like her intention was to hurt jealous??

RK you know my stand on phones disconnect all landlines and have your own mobile pin numbered to its ears!!!!!! do they have ears?

LDD you ok?

makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 19:55

A how was visit? you back yet

losingdd · 16/09/2006 20:28

Message withdrawn

makemineadouble · 16/09/2006 20:51

hi ldd sleeping 45 mins on sofa?? does she do grass often? or have access to stronger thru bf? saying sorry was lovely the shoplifting did she dfend him (it was just food)? how was she with lil bro

anorak · 17/09/2006 12:37

Hi all. Yesterday went ok, we had a nice day meeting up with my cousin kimi and her sister and the children, all playing together. DD was pleased to see her cousins. We watched my cousin play football and heckled from the edge of the pitch with our huge picnic bag. So did not end up having to spend lots of money and I'm pleased to say DD seemed perfectly happy to see everyone and did not seem to be seeking treats.

However she didn't talk to me much, it's odd, she texts me all the time saying she misses me so much and when can she see me but then when I do see her she doesn't talk to me.

My main thing at the moment is I want to reconcile her with DH so that she can come home for weekend visits. DH and I have been talking a lot in the last few days and I think he's becoming more able to let her in. He's just so hurt and the type of person who finds it difficult to come out from his armour when he's upset.

This thread is like a series of tableaux to me, it's a real portrait of modern life with difficult teenagers and so insightful. I hope we can all help each other. I find just knowing others have the same problems quite comforting.

runkid · 17/09/2006 13:10

Anorak i think were already helping each other it gives the extra strenght we need knowing were not alone and can talk about it with each other without being judged

makemineadouble · 17/09/2006 13:11

Hi you so pleased you had lovely day my dd always says more in texts! think they find it easier your dh sounds like good man at least hes trying

losingdd · 17/09/2006 13:11

Message withdrawn

makemineadouble · 17/09/2006 13:24

Hi LDD. hope you have good visit with dd let me know later how she seemed today. I have lots of family shit happening at mo, not kids tho my lil bro! but it will sort. I had strange experience the other night??? got red dye on cream leather sofa!!! oh no.... did'nt know what to do???.. jumped on good housekeeping (OMG) begged help. ummongst answers (someone even went to get "leather cleaning tips folder" oh yes!) i was told CUTICLE REMOVER well fek me it bloody worked!!! i am gobsmacked and may have to start my own folder! SHIT im turning into anthea turner HELP!!

runkid · 17/09/2006 14:00

LDD no need to feel alone were all still here i no its not the same but it should help. My daughter to used to be very close to me and tell me all her secrets not anymore maybe its just something they have to go through we'll get it back one day im sure. Hope you and dd enjoyed lunch. Hopefully you will be back to chat later
{{{{{HUG}}}}}

losingdd · 18/09/2006 20:32

Message withdrawn

runkid · 18/09/2006 20:53

LDD oh my god what is she doing is she mad!! My dd has lived on the streets and it is not the place to be. She wont do it for long it gets cold at night. Is she on harder drugs than cannabis?

SpaceCadet · 18/09/2006 21:08

losingdd-oh no, i cant imagine how you must be feeling.

SpaceCadet · 18/09/2006 21:14

can i make a confession?
i know that what ive been through is nothing compared to others on here, but im feeling really depressed, my general mood is low and i have the blanket fog feeling, only started feeling like this after everything kicked off with dd.
im crying every 5 mins etc, feel really useless, im wondering if i should go to the gp, cant face posting another thread on this, im on edge all the time waiting for dd;s next explosion..oh shes just exploded now because shes tried to lookk at what im typing..

Molesworth · 18/09/2006 21:18

{{{ spacey }}}

do go to the GP, or seek some support wherever you can if not the GP

what you're going through is incredibly stressful - all of us here understand this - and you need and deserve support with it

don't be hard on yourself x

losingdd · 18/09/2006 21:48

Message withdrawn

Molesworth · 18/09/2006 21:50

ldd - I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on with your dd. You must feel so helpless

losingdd · 18/09/2006 21:54

Message withdrawn

runkid · 18/09/2006 22:01

LDD where is she supposed to be living can you not report her missing if you dont no where she is there has to be something someone can do believe me when i say i do no how you feel i have spent many nights walking the streets looking for my daughter and i am thinking of you.

Spacey you need to see gp and get some support for yourself because if you are not well you cannot support your children i have been through depression from the stress of it all and i feel strong again now it took incredible will power and i went for councilling.

Molesworth how are you?

Molesworth · 18/09/2006 22:08

hello rk, well ... dd was supposed to start at the PRU full-time today and guess what? She didn't go!

She has said she will go tomorrow, but I don't think she will tbh. The PRU are really nice (used to this sort of behaviour obviously!) ... I rang them this morning to let them know that dd had bottled it, and the school counsellor rang back this afternoon and offered to meet dd tomorrow morning so she doesn't have to walk in on her own.

But I still think she won't go.

SIGH!

But for all my moaning, I realise I'm lucky that dd is in one piece and behaving reasonably well right now (apart from refusing to go to school).

How are things with you rk?

runkid · 18/09/2006 22:22

mw a bit up and down dd has not come home a few nights and ran me up a huge phone bill and then kicked off because i took phone to work with me.

she also said that "your my mother and you should cook for me" i do cook for her but when im at work allday and she is at home i dont see why she cant make her self something to eat she is quite capable. I only stopped because i used to cook and she didnt come home and it ended up in the bin.

Molesworth · 18/09/2006 22:25

Aaaaaaaargh rk, nightmare!

As for the "your my mother and you should cook for me" ... you're quite right not to do it for her. I do cook a dinner for all of us, but if dd doesn't like it she has been known to say "huh. I'm not eating that. I want something else." I would refuse of course! My mum was staying here for a few months though, and she would trot off into the kitchen and cook something for dd after I'd told her to sort her own dinner out

Needless to say my mum isn't staying here any more!

losingdd · 18/09/2006 23:05

Message withdrawn

Molesworth · 19/09/2006 10:24

omg I don't believe it ... dd went to school today

of her own accord

am completely and

anorak · 19/09/2006 12:32

runkid I always tell my children 'a mother is a teacher, not a servant'. Not that they seem to take much notice.

spacey it's nothing to be ashamed of. Trying to deal with my DD1 during her three years of Kevining was the most stressful and frustrating experience of my life. It's so in your face, every day, you can't sleep wondering what she is doing, you can't relax. You have to hide money in your own house in case she steals it. Little things like you can't buy bars of chocolate and put them in the cupboard ready for making desserts next time guests come. They will be gone. The trashing of your home. The disappearance of your belongings. The blatant lies to your face. The hatred in their voice. The blame they try to drown you in.

I hope the government department I contacted is reading this thread. If you're out there reading it we'd love to hear what you plan to do for parents like us.

By the way, all, there is a discussion going on on Radio 4 right at this moment about this subject.