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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
SpaceCadet · 13/09/2006 22:39

callmemadam-

Molesworth · 13/09/2006 22:40

Argh I've forgotten again how old she is runkid - is she 14? The police and SS - although sympathetic when I've had dealings with them - really couldn't care less about what a 15 year old is up to ime They've got more important fish to fry (or younger children to worry about) - that's the impression I get from them

runkid · 13/09/2006 22:43

yes dd is 14 and ss freely tell me there is nothing that they can do so i wish they would just go away and police are great but yes they definately have better things to do

makemineadouble · 14/09/2006 12:22

Turn my back for 5 mins...lol Thinking of you all callmemadam totally agree! every law set up to help kids seems to be used against parents by the kids themselves. I think that all around them now kids are told how important and protected they are so when they come home to real world,family rules they kick off and it feels like there's nothing we can do about it.

anorak · 14/09/2006 14:26

It's a problem, this business of whether or not to inform the police when they run away. I was told that I had to do so, by the police themselves, and I was particularly keen to make sure I did all the right things, with a court hearing pending. However, when you tell them you know where she is, with her father, they say well she is not missing then. Pointing out that I had a court order barring him from contact with her seemed to make very little difference.

I'm finding it hard to identify an incident that the police think is important enough to attend straight away. There are always 'more important' incidents going on. But what could be more important than a missing child?

How is a parent supposed to know what the law expects them to do?

runkid · 14/09/2006 19:14

Well i decided not to report my daughter missing last night but i did this morning and the police found her in town they caught her on the CCTV and bought her home.Its really hard because if anything happened to her and i hadnt reported it i would never forgive myself and also i would be in trouble with SS and police.

SpaceCadet · 14/09/2006 21:47

runkid, you did the right thing,i think its disgusting that they feel that tracking down a missibg 14 year old isnt important
my dd is vile..her school have been in touch, shes been bunking off

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 21:57

spacey, I do feel for you

runkid, I didn't mean to suggest that you shouldn't report dd's disappearances to the police, I feel bad that I've given that impression. I'm glad they tracked dd down ... is she at home now?

I'm crapping myself about tomorrow, it's dd's induction afternoon at the pupil referral unit. I am much more nervous than she is for some weird reason.

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:10

Spacey ive been through that bunking of stuff with dd there isnt much you can do i even sat out side school in the car to keep her there and rang the truancy officer it was all a waste of time sorry to be so negative.

Molesworth i didnt take it the wrong way i do agree with what you said it doesnt seem to make much difference dd must have been missing over a hundred times its just not a deterant. The interview will be ok dd was really positive and her interview went well she is excited about starting back in education i hope it stays that way. Good luck and if your dd is cocky while she is there its probably because you are there. DD wouldnt let me go to hers and i was told she was great

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 22:11

runkid - your dd turned up for her interview?! That's brilliant! When is she starting?

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:13

Tomorrow i cant believe it ive waited for this moment a year and a half

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 22:13

Afraid to say I had the same experience as RK re: truancy. The school drove me nuts tbh. dd's dad would take her to the school in the morning to ensure she went in, yet the school told us it was our responsibility if she went missing during the school day. WTF are we supposed to do - go to school with her all day? I thought that while they are in the school, the school was in loco parentis?

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:16

Yes that was my argument the rules need changing NOW

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 22:17

Wow, that is brilliant news RK! I hope it works out for dd (and you). My dd is scheduled to start properly on Monday ... it's 4.5 days a week, so not part-time as I was originally told, and they're putting dd in for 7 GCSEs. She is very apprehensive about it and I'll be amazed if she sticks at it tbh, but I won't give up hope yet. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and keeping fingers crossed that your dd's first day goes well.

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:29

Thanks molesworth. I have just realised dd hasnt changed her bed for over 6 weeks should i go in that squat of a bedroom and break my rules and sort it out

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:29

Thanks molesworth. I have just realised dd hasnt changed her bed for over 6 weeks should i go in that squat of a bedroom and break my rules and sort it out

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 22:30

No!

Can I ask how many days a week your dd is attending the PRU?

SpaceCadet · 14/09/2006 22:34

runkid, no dont change her sheets!.
my dd is going to fail her gcses, shes so bright, its such a waste, everything feels like its spiralling out of control....i feel very depressed..

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 22:39

{{{ Space }}}

It is sooo depressing But your dd's brightness will shine through in the long run ... she can go back to college to do her GCSEs if she does fail them (or doesn't take them) next year.

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:41

Because she has been out of school so long she is starting with 1 day for 2 weeks andthen building up to 5 days.

Spacey if she fails and only if she can always go back and do them again i no it seems like a waste but she can still get her qualifications. My dd is only taking 4 Gcses but considering how long she has been out its not bad

winnie · 14/09/2006 22:41

spacey, I went through the 'dd is going to screw up her gcse's'... you and I both know it is really important to get through it now and do it to the best of your ability but they don't and they will only get it through screwing it up and having to do it again/return to education etc. It doesn't make you feel better knowing this, I know, but she can get a second channce at education... right now you both have other priorities.

runkid, do not change her sheets just be thankful yo udon't have to sleep in them

Molesworth, good luck

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 22:43

I wish my dd was starting with fewer days per week and building up like that. The fact that it's full time straight away, after being out of school completely since April ... it's making her very nervous and increasing the likelihood that she will run off rather than face it. I am tempted to ask tomorrow if they can ease her in gently.

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:46

I would ask them to build it up slowly otherwise there going to be setting her up to fail.

I promise not to change the sheets

Molesworth · 14/09/2006 22:50

I'll see if I can have a word with the head tomorrow about that. I haven't mentioned it to dd though!

runkid · 14/09/2006 22:54

She might be relieved less pressure