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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:

runkid · 08/09/2006 14:45

its got to be the moon or hormones either that or there just recharging !!

NotActuallyAMum · 08/09/2006 15:41

runkid that's what I thought - she's recharging, hence the ticking timebomb comment....

anorak · 08/09/2006 15:42

You know molesworth and runkid might be right! It could be down to her monthly cycle. Teenagers' rampant hormones and all that.

dinosaur · 08/09/2006 15:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

sunchowder · 08/09/2006 15:52

I haven't posted here, but some of you know a bit of my story. We just received a call over the weekend that my stepson and his girlfriend are pregnant. They are living at his natural Mom's house together (800 miles away)(he moved up there last December as he wanted to start a new independent life). We found out that he moved this girl in right away and it was inevitable, but I can't help having very mixed feelings about it. He was 21 in July. I tried the best that I could, had him full time since he was 7, went through some horrible stuff with him being involved with drugs. I feel kind of numb and empty right now.

lolliepops · 08/09/2006 16:11

custyx you are a legend, your advice is class hats off x

anorak · 08/09/2006 17:00

Hi sunny, I am posting to say try and let go, but I know it's not that easy, even though he's 21. I'm beginning to realise that motherhood is for life, isn't it?

livelife · 08/09/2006 19:14

Blimey! I'm new to this site but picked this thread as have very erratic 15yr dd. has been since 18mths. the ticking timebomb was great description. got her psychiatrist assessment when she was 9 who said she's just too bright - she behaved impeccably. i put up with the tantrums & try to make her life comfy so she can't flip but nothing is good enough. we're all walking on eggshells & on tenterhooks inc dd2, ds & dd3. how good our day goes is always dependant on what mood she is in. yesterday she was awful & i was in tears as was dd2. today she is lovely! she just got A & A* a year early for english GCSE so what can i say? sometimes i'm scared of her. doesn't make sense. no drugs etc tho so maybe i'm lucky really. just sounding off to get it off my chest!

SpaceCadet · 08/09/2006 19:16

sunchowder-you sound like youve been a great step mum, but youve got to let him find his own way, make mistakes etc.{hug}

SpaceCadet · 08/09/2006 19:18

livelife-welcome, sorry to hear that you are having dd probs too, you are amongst friends on this thread

runkid · 09/09/2006 22:22

How is everybody

SpaceCadet · 09/09/2006 22:23

still quiet in this dept??
you?

runkid · 09/09/2006 22:31

yeah quiet here to its lovely

SpaceCadet · 09/09/2006 22:37

oh good

CJinSussex · 10/09/2006 00:16

What top girls you all are. My brother was a horrendous teenager; runaway, theft, dodgy cars, etc my parents eventually locked him out. He slept in our outhouses for awhile (we're very posh). He broke in. Parents called police to remove him. He kept breaking law and had to do a stint in Lewes Open Prison and Wormwood Scrubs - boy did that reality check change him. He became a father himself at 22 and he and his DP are still together with kids now aged 15 and 12. He works. He has a REAL driving licence. He also complains when his car gets broken into...

A common saying is that people don't change. Well they do. And I hope all your troublesome teenagers will. Thinking of you.

runkid · 10/09/2006 09:48

Thats a lovely story to here.

Thanx CJ

makemineadouble · 10/09/2006 11:31

Morn all Hope you all had peacefull night? and that at this moment in time "all is good"? MM on another thread has plucked up guts to walk away from abusive partner Im very proud of her and feeling really positive The support and honesty she got from other mnetters was amazing! YOU really are a fantastic lot x

childmissing btw has had 11,505 hits!!!!

You lot did that!!

Cheers,whoose round is it? go on then RK if you insist I'll have a small double

makemineadouble · 10/09/2006 18:30

Hows it going spacey? your very quiet/ are you still in church

SpaceCadet · 11/09/2006 12:22

i everyone, still quiet here, dd is obviously trying hard, but i see the odd flash where i think..yep, your gonna blow..but she fights it..im waiting for the mega explosion though.

Molesworth · 11/09/2006 12:26

Glad to hear things are staying on an even keel there spacey

LadyTophamHatt · 11/09/2006 12:31

SC, I've been following this thread and you have my sympathy.

Please tell me to shut my mouth if I'm talking crap but I wonder if acknowdgeing to your DD that she's trying so hard will smooth the way from the peace to last....or last longer at least?

My ds's aren't anywhere near teenagers yet so I'm not really able to talk from experience but Ds1 behaviour really gets me down at times and the vicious cirlce of my negative attitude towards him/his behaviour only makes it worse.

Could you try and turn it around in yourself that she's doing so well, rather than being in fear of the next explosion....tell her you're really pleased....tell her how much nicer she/life/the family is when shes like this?

Like I said tell me to button it is this crap....I'm sure you've thought/done of this alreday TBH

Twinkie1 · 11/09/2006 12:52

Anorak - you are lovely and a kind, wonderful woman and your DDs know that - they are reacting to things that have happened in their lives which really haven't been their, or your fault.

I think your DD acted like your present was fab because she is aware just how far she has pushed you and is terrible grateful that you are still willing to be there for her no matter what she has done - as for what he can give them - its so totally transparent - a child who loved their parent would be honest and open and not talk about squeezing things (material things) out of said parent.

They do love you - things have prbably happened with them and they have been caught up in the momentum without really thinking things through.

As i have said a million times I would love any of you guys to have been my mother (couldn't get much worse than the one I had!!) - but especially you anorak.

(Now CAT me with your address (thinak you card in the bag waiting to be sent!!) and a few days when you are free and I will being DS to wreck your beautiful house and teach your DS how to say SHIT!!!!

anorak · 11/09/2006 12:53

Hello twinkie!

I'm emailing you now!

SpaceCadet · 11/09/2006 12:58

lth-sounds like good advice, it is hard not to explode when dd does and i know that i havent helped matters, this week, ive concentrated on her GOOD behaviour, so ive said, oh thanks xx tidying the plates away etc, so she knows shes appreciated..someth9ng will set her off soon though, ive just got to change how i handle it.

SpaceCadet · 11/09/2006 13:02

anorak, have had a chance to catch up with your posts, i feel like a fraud after everything youve been through.
you ARE a good and loving mother.

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