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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
NotActuallyAMum · 06/09/2006 11:46

Thanks for the good luck wish losingdd

Spacey hope things are going OK, thinking about you

SpaceCadet · 06/09/2006 13:47

hi everyone.
didnt get home with dd till late yesterday evening.
she seemed a lot calmer and mum had been showing her old videos of her from when she was born.
she said, mum, you look so young in thoses videos and you kept kissing me and hugging me, i replied, thats because i love you and you used to like kisses and cuddles.
she was fine when she went to bed...then had a major wobbly when she got up because she wanted to print some coursework off and the ink had run out..shes had 6 weeks..of course it was all my fault wed run out of ink..could feel my stress levels rising.

SecondhandRose · 06/09/2006 16:02

Well it sounds like things are looking up. Don't you go giving all that stuff back though for a long time. Try and make her realise that her tantrums won't make her get her own way. Good that you've said nice things to her. Keep going, hope you're feeling a bit better now you've got some support from us girls.

runkid · 06/09/2006 18:10

Anorak i think the PRIME MINISTER idea is great and we should do it. There is no help out there for kids like ours especially if they wont go to appointments there has got to be something more effective.

My daughter turned up at 6 this evening and is back in court at the end of the month

SpaceCadet · 06/09/2006 19:20

im not giving any of her stuff back.
will sit and have a read of the posts ive missed, make sure im up to date with everyone.

SecondhandRose · 06/09/2006 19:23

Good for your SC, I think there are two threads running on one here, it's getting confusing ladies. Keep posting SC.

I have just told my dear son tonight that unless he bucks his ideas up he can get on the local bus to school and I won't be taking him. Go Girls!

Molesworth · 06/09/2006 19:24

Just want to add my support too SC - you're dealing with this in the right way, keep up the good work!

My dd is still at home () and we haven't had any major wobblers since she got back (touch wood).

PeaceAtHome · 06/09/2006 19:36

Hi SpaceCadet / Molesworth et al. I'm so pleased to hear things are settling just a wee bit. It's strange how the emotions, stress levels, anger or whatever can be so overwhelming one minute, and pretty much calm the next. In this house, it goes from one extreme to the other and I find myself totally switching off when at peace....however, i also realise that i know, from past experiences with my dd that the calm is merely building up to "Mum, can I.....". I'm learning, slowly, to be prepared for it, and not fall into the trap. Stay strong and be consistent, i know they don't understand, and it can be hell, but it works even if I have to put a pillow over my head at night! p.s. i don't mean to sound like i find it's easy cos i know it's quite the opposite, but whilst we have each other to confide in and support, it makes it so much easier.

Iceorlemon · 07/09/2006 07:30

Hi all did anyone catch teen tamer ?? what did you think?

anorak · 07/09/2006 12:00

Right then ladies, I have emailed Beverley Hughes MP, the minister for families and children, and pointed her in the direction of this thread. I do hope she reads it and posts something helpful for us.

kimi · 07/09/2006 13:12

GO ANORAK

Iceorlemon · 07/09/2006 19:50

WOW go girl!!!!

runkid · 07/09/2006 21:17

Great anorak thats fantastic lets hope we get some kind of responce.

anorak · 08/09/2006 09:56

I've just been to my 14 yr old DD's old school to take back all her text books and library books. I couldn't help crying as I walked out. It's such a lovely school, and all I could think was 'You didn't want the life I chose for you'. And I tried so, so hard to make it a good life for her

I don't even know what her new school looks like.

runkid · 08/09/2006 10:48

Anorak,can you not go and see her new school? it is hard when our children dont do what we would like but i suppose we have to let them find there way and be around to sopport them

batters · 08/09/2006 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 08/09/2006 11:02

Anorak . ((Hug))

anorak · 08/09/2006 11:06

Thanks for the sympathy! Just a bad moment I guess, most of the time I am high as a kite on my natural remedies! God knows what will happen when I try and phase them out.

I am going to write to the head today and arrange for copies of school correspondence to come direct to me since I don't speak to DD's father.

Vev · 08/09/2006 12:17

Aww Anorak now I'm crying with that vision. It's best we don't know when that new baby bundle's handed to us what's going to happen when that new baba turns into a teenager! Why can't they see we only want what's best. I know you have to let them find their own feet but it's so hard 'cos they didn't know that tiny, helpless new baby which was all yours.

Molesworth · 08/09/2006 14:25

How is everyone doing?

SpaceCadet · 08/09/2006 14:29

anorak-im so sorry{{hugs}}
all is quiet in my household..at the mo, dd is obviously trying very hard..and i am too.
but, weve had this happen before, we have weeks of briliiant behaviour, then she cracks.

anorak · 08/09/2006 14:30

Better enjoy it while it lasts then

Molesworth · 08/09/2006 14:31

GLad to hear that SC - we're having a similar "good" phase here too ... don't know how long it'll last though!

NotActuallyAMum · 08/09/2006 14:38

That's exactly how it is with DPs dd - she's the model child for a few weeks then she just flips if she's told she can't have something/go somewhere. She too is fine right now but it's like living with a ticking timebomb, waiting for it to explode

Glad everyone's calm atm Long may it continue

Molesworth · 08/09/2006 14:39

maybe it's to do with the moon or something!

long may peace reign