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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:

themoon66 · 04/09/2006 23:17

she loved the necklace you bought her... thats the first 2% of her coming back to you

anorak · 04/09/2006 23:25

themoon66 · 04/09/2006 23:35

And I got a text from my DD saying... 'you and dad have been so supportive of me while ive been horrible i love you so much xxx'

I have my daughter back 99%

As will you too.

makemineadouble · 05/09/2006 07:30

Spacey good luck for later

kinkysex · 05/09/2006 08:22

hi,
i'm so worried to read all these teenage story's I thought I had problems with my lad who's 14, but this is nothing compared to what you are going through.
I can say that the mental health teams are rubbish becuase if the teenager won't go or won't talk they do nothing, socail services are not intrested one bit even if a child is hitting you!, and the police all they want to do is get the child locked up in a bostal.
then tony blair complains about YOB's and blames the parents, well what support do we get when things go wrong? NONE
I am a loving parent I do all I can for my children I work fulltime and so dose my hubby (both never been in trouble with police) - however my teen still has a crimnal record that he got at the age of 12.
anyway sorry things have got worse for you, my thoughts are with you as I can really understand how you feel
x

anorak · 05/09/2006 08:32

Thinking of you SD, hope the day goes well.

SSSandy · 05/09/2006 08:41

Phew.

Haven't read the thread because it was so long just the OP so maybe missed a lot of relevant detail. Look, maybe I'm a crap mother but I couldn't cope with that and I don't think I would feel love for dd under those circumstances. Imagine her behaviour lies behind your current marriage break-up too.

I'd send her to boarding school even if I had to get a mortgage to do it. Ask grandparents to contribute, ask for a scholarship, get a loan. That's what I'd do I'm afraid. She has a right to a good life but so do you and your smaller children and your dp.

losingdd · 05/09/2006 09:37

Message withdrawn

NotActuallyAMum · 05/09/2006 09:53

I came on here today to start a thread asking what on earth DP and I can do with his out-of-control dd. If the OP on this thread 'DPs dd' and '13yo' and didn't have the bits about the early days I could have written it

We're at our wits' end with her, and I'm on the brink of walking out on the pair of them and leaving them to it. My life would be so much happier if I was on my own. I never chose to have her living with us in the first place - I was told she was coming because her Mum threw her out. Now I understand why

DP phoned social services yesterday and told them they have to intervene. We have an appointment tomorrow afternoon

SC I'm thinking of you today. And all you other people out there who are going through the same

runkid · 05/09/2006 18:27

Losingdd, dd is home but not for long i dont suppose she also has breached her supervision order so we shall be back in court. I have no contact with dd's dad and neither does she he used to do what yours has done to you i recently had him done for assault and he was found guilty and now im told he hates me and will never speak to me again all i can say is thank god for that i really dont care that sort of input you can do without. dont let him scare you he's just taking his own inadequeses out on you.

spacey good luck

makemineadouble · 05/09/2006 18:40

Thinkin of diva,spacey,ldd and all, big hugs 2ya anarak notactuallyamother, I think when you love someone you take them on warts and all ? even if he's got a teenage wart, surely he has no choice he cant walk away thats his baby girl,if I tried to walk away from mine ?? my legs would drop off IMHO

SecondhandRose · 05/09/2006 19:13

Hi SC, just wondered how you are getting on with DD home? Thought I'd mention that the banging of a bedroom door can be rectified by removing it altogether. XX

losingdd · 05/09/2006 19:46

Message withdrawn

runkid · 05/09/2006 20:02

losingdd,hope you didnt think i was having a go at you it just winds me up when blokes behave this way especially infront of your other children how the hell do they think it makes anything better. i hope he doesnt come round again sorry if i offended you

losingdd · 05/09/2006 21:57

Message withdrawn

runkid · 05/09/2006 22:04

Good you should call the police you dont have to take that kind of abuse

losingdd · 05/09/2006 22:07

Message withdrawn

runkid · 05/09/2006 22:11

DD wasnt home when i got back from work the house was in a right tip. ive cooked her tea shes still not home,she didnt go to her youth offending appointment and i dont think she will be home tonight its killing me im so tired but i cant sleep

losingdd · 05/09/2006 22:18

Message withdrawn

runkid · 05/09/2006 22:30

we shall be in court because it is a breach of her order,she wont look at website she says im stupid and that it wont help anyone.She stays out with an 18 year old girl taking drugs and drinking its beyond a joke for years on i have really had enough and feel sorry for my ds

losingdd · 05/09/2006 22:48

Message withdrawn

runkid · 05/09/2006 23:38

LOsingdd,ds is 2 bless him and he is gorgeous but doesnt get the best of me and the holidays and things he deserves because dd runs our lives

NotActuallyAMum · 06/09/2006 08:27

makemineadouble I never said that I expected him to walk away from her! I said that I'm at my wits end with her and that I am on the verge of walking away from both of them

anorak · 06/09/2006 08:40

Still no news from Spacecadet then?

How are things today runkid?

I was thinking to myself last night, we should send this thread to the Prime Minister. People in authority need to know how commonplace this type of problem is. I wonder how we would go about that?

losingdd I distinctly remember thinking that if my DD had been a lover I would have broken up with her!

losingdd · 06/09/2006 10:00

Message withdrawn

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