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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
makemineadouble · 31/08/2006 07:59

Runkid is working hard on her website have a look atthis

I think its great idea ,she has a thread running asking for support!

runkid · 31/08/2006 12:59

Well the shit has hit the fan another night my dd stayed out she has just arrived home. I have tried to be nice told her what i would do if she stays out at night again and we got into a physical fight. I honestly dont no what she wants from me she says i have changed and i talk posh and that i never used to. i dont get it 1o years where great and the last four have been complete SHIT

costababe · 31/08/2006 13:18

i really feel for u Runkid, your problems seem to be continual. We just seem to have explosions every two weeks, mind u the explosions last for three or four days,

runkid · 31/08/2006 14:05

My dd has just smashed up the bathroom and i told her i hated her and to get out of my house and this is all because i wont let her have her own way. im to tired to cope with this every day she just doesnt understand she stays out nearly every night and sleeps allday. God knows how lon she will stay away now i feel crap

SpaceCadet · 31/08/2006 18:50

runkid-i feel for you so much, thats exactly how my dd behaves, she smashes things up, i feel exhausted all the time.

theUrbanDryad · 31/08/2006 19:01

aww guys i've just been reading this thread from scratch. i'm not a mum yet (5 months pg) but i was a horrible teenager! i don't know how i grew out of it, but i left home when i was 16 and moved in with my boyfriend at the time, all the time my parents kept telling me they loved me, that they would be there for me. i think what really helped was that i moved away from my home town for a few years and had only very limited contact with my parents for a while, when i came back i was a lot more chilled and so were they!

having said that, i was 19 when i moved away, and i understand that that isn't really an option for those of you who are mums of 14/15 year old children....why are girls so much worse than boys huh???

i can see a lot of similarities between the girls described on here and myself at their age. i, too, self-harmed (and have actually only recently stopped and that was only because i cut myself so deep that i ended up in A&E having 22 stitches and scared myself!) and listened to very depressing music. having said that, the emo scene is not to blame....teenagers are just miserbale f*ckers no matter what!!

i honestly don't have any answers, i think all you can do is chill (much easier said than done, i know!) and make sure your daughters know that you love them. i cannot even imagine how hard it must be, and you all have my sympathies, but i know that as a teenager my self-esteem was rock bottom.

all i can say is that there must be light at the end of the tunnel, i was awful, really bad. took all kinds of drugs through upper school, was hardly ever in school, regularly drank and saw an alcohol counsellor before i was 20. now i'm 24 and about to be married, my parents are thrilled to be grandparents, and i think they're the best thing since sliced bread! i'm thinking of you all. if you ever need advice about drugs or anything like that, feel free to give me a shout. my email address is metalduck at hotmail dot co dot uk also if you think it might help, feel free to give that address to your daughters, it might help them to know that someone else went through it and came out the other end. having said that, i was a self-centered cow when i was a teenager, so it might not!! xxx

Molesworth · 31/08/2006 19:14

Wow, what a great message UrbanDryad, thank you

runkid · 31/08/2006 19:24

thankyou urbandryad

SpaceCadet · 31/08/2006 20:08

UB-thank you for that post

runkid · 31/08/2006 20:43

How are things with you spacecadet

SpaceCadet · 31/08/2006 21:43

im walking on eggshells at the moment

makemineadouble · 31/08/2006 21:58

what was decided about weekend is she going to your mothers ?

makemineadouble · 31/08/2006 21:59

UB what a lovely post think youll make special mum

runkid · 31/08/2006 22:09

Spacecadet, i know that feeling it drives me mad though i just want to scream and shout and get this incredible feeling of anger out of me.DD is acting like nothing has happened

Molesworth · 31/08/2006 22:40

I heard from my dd today and she has said she's coming home early next week. She's a nightmare but I really miss her and hope she means it ...

SpaceCadet · 31/08/2006 23:10

molesworth-i hope she comes home.
dd is still going to my mums, ive fallen out with my mum, but shes agreed to abide by my wishes and not let dd have computer access etc.

themoon66 · 01/09/2006 09:18

UD.. thanks for your post. Can I ask you.. what was actually going on in your head when you were being a cow to your parents? Did you actually hate them at the time? My DD has shown such hatred in her face at times that I really truely believe she hated me enough to harm me. It just puzzles me what thoughts are whizzing around in these kids' heads at the time they are 'kicking off'.

losingdd · 01/09/2006 09:37

Message withdrawn

theUrbanDryad · 01/09/2006 10:38

themoon66.....i wish i knew! i don't think i ever really hated my parents, i thought i did at the time, but i have since learned what hate really is! the main thing that i've learned (and this is gonna sound like hippy shit, so i'm sorry!) is that "negative" emotions don't hurt other people as much as they hurt yourself!

i think as well, that at 14/15, we have all thought that we knew it all, huh? i certainly did! now i know that "wisest is she who knows she does not know" and that has helped me a lot. i never would've intentionally harmed my parents (not physically anyway) but i was a strong girl and think i could have done in the occasional physical tussles that we had.

i've also been thinking about what some of you have been saying about the social services...i never threatened my parents with them (mainly because i had a good friend at school who had grown up in care and knew it was not fun, and also crappy propaganda like tracey fckin beaker hadn't been shown then!) but i think that had they got involved they would've just laughed! my parents main concern was that i never seemed to be in school, and that i wasn't going to get a good education! although i left home at 16 and worked 24 hours a week, i still managed to do my a-levels at college and get good grades. so don't give up on your daughters, cause they can still surprise you! spacecadet* whoever said that social services would be very interested in a girl who had lost her big room and her phone.....not! was absolutely right! spot on! i think teenagers have more in common with toddlers than adults, with the tantrums and screaming fits! i think that by depriving her of privileges like computer access and phones etc you are hitting her where it hurts, and that's exactly what you have to do. because i never had any of those things, and was encouraged from an early age to earn my own money, my parents couldn't deprive me of allowance and things, because i had my own source of income! however, you are the sole provider in this case, and she has to learn this. boy oh boy is she in for a shock when she does leave home though! i know how much of a shock things like council tax and water rates were for me. also how much washing powder costs, cheese, margerine etc! you might like to point this out to her when she next threatens you with leaving home....

anyway, i wish you all well....i'm dreading the teenage years and i've not even had the baby yet!!

SpaceCadet · 02/09/2006 14:14

hi everyone
dd has gone to my mums for the weekend..so for the time being..peace reigns in the spacecadet household.

Molesworth · 02/09/2006 15:05

spacey - I hope you enjoy your peaceful weekend

I'm just off to collect dd from the station now so lord knows what my weekend has in store!

runkid · 02/09/2006 15:45

Hi guys, make the most of the weekend spacey.How are things with you losingdd

makemineadouble · 02/09/2006 15:50

SC hope you have a lovely peacefull weekend keep an eye on runkids site its looking brill!! gonna ask my school to link with it from theirs...click here

makemineadouble · 02/09/2006 15:55

have a look at this

ooops sorry real technovirgin here

makemineadouble · 02/09/2006 15:59

Mole hope it goes well x

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