I'm done

[CouthyMow]

DD school refused this morning. First she refused to give DS1 back his iPod that he had kindly lent to her yesterday because hers is broken.

I insisted she give it back. She then decided

Holy shit.

couthy Honest to god, you are one of the bravest MNs I have ever seen. You have been brilliant.

Now, relax, you have been fighting fire this short while, and you will have been running on adrenaline. Whatever you need to try and bring your down a bit, do it.

Bath, crap TV, wine, read a book, meditate, yoga, smoke something. Do it. Try and uncoil.

David Cameron ought to read this, can we tweet him? It's an outright disgrace, completely criminal that you and your DD are in this situation at all. Shame on the policy makers, shame on the incompetent SW service and shame on the school. How can this have gone on like this for so long.

Couthy I applaud you.

Blimey, I am de lurking. Shocking shocking treatment from SS.

I have nothing constructive to add but am thinking of you and hoping that things get sorted out and improve.

Couthy, bravo! What a day you've had.

That SW who told you they had released your DD onto the streets should be reprimanded at the very least. Totally unethical, completely unprofessional behaviour and a disgrace to her profession. I know there are bad apples, but that should be grounds for a formal warning. Am so angry that you've been treated badly by SW enough before that you know to take their names ans not trust them. :(

As vicar has said, remember to also get the assessment she has mentioned (sorry, can't remember the letters).

Sleep well tonight and let your DSs know that their sister is safe and you love her very much and you're doing your best to get her the help she needs.

Couthy - you have been so determined today and so obviously desperately concerned for the wellbeing of your DD and other DCs. I really hope this is the start of you all getting the support you need.

I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep knowing your DD is safe tonight, you must be exhausted.

youre doing great couthy. update when you can but do get some rest tongiht.
feet up, telly or magazine, glass of wine. relax for a few hours.

round 2 tomorrow.

So proud of you Couthy, hope you sleep well tonight

Couthy. I was disgusted the way Social services treated you.

I say that as a Mother of a 17 YR DD who has ADHD and AS even though her problems are different , I have still witnessed total breakdowns from her ,though I have been fortunate that she is not violent. Her breakdowns involve a lot of swearing and after that she becomes like a Toddler and cries herself to sleep.

All the best Couthy and lets help your DD gets the help she needs and the right care. My DD with help and understanding , that she should have got when she was 11 is now achieving her potential academically . There is no reason your DD with help can not go on and succeed , first on that NVQ and then on to better things.

for both Couthy and Vicar and good luck for tomorrow

Couthy you ROCK!
vicar you ROCK too!

I fell asleep just before 9pm last night . It's very rare that I do that!

Now I'm worrying whether she's sleeping well in a strange bed...

I know she's safe though.

Forgot to say earlier - the SW said that DD had asked for her phone back. When I laughed because I'd expected that one, the SW 'clocked' that it had been taken as a punishment, and applauded the fact that I still make attempts at keeping boundaries...

I'm wide awake now.

You may get back to sleep it you try? I've woken up wanting the loo but am going to try to go back to sleep. Much harder when you have as much on your mind as you do though.

Didn't get back to sleep, but worked out I had 7 hours sleep, and I feel surprisingly fresh.

Delurking to say you are one heck of a loving mother Couthy.

Just hoping that all this will get her the CAHMS assessment and help she so desperately needs.

And maybe the anger management course DD was promised, and agreed to go on in June last year before they closed the CIN case without telling me for 2 months.

I'm missing her! The house was so peaceful this morning getting the DC's ready. It was weird NOT to have the shouting, screaming, cajoling, inevitable meltdown and stress of getting DD ready for school for the second day in a row...almost TOO quiet after her doing that daily for 12 years, since she started Nursery!!

I think you are doing wonderfully. Just wanted to say that x

I'm worried that she won't WANT to come back, though.

She will get things in FC that I can't begin to HOPE to afford for her, as I would have to do the same for DS1 and DS2.

Weekly allowance - can't afford to do that. She's already getting new clothes, as hers aren't clean (they're in the washing machine now) due to her refusal to bring them down for three jeffing weeks, her friends in FC all have bloody iPads and iPhones - not a SATS chance in Hell of me being able to afford that just for DD, never mind for DS1 and DS2 as well...

I'm worried that the grass WILL actually be greener on the other side for DD, and that she will want to stay rather than come home.

You can tell I'm an MN'er - cat's autocorrects to SATS!!

County I've been reading but nothing to add.

However I can hopefully help re your worries about the grass being greener.

I grew up in a home where budget did not allow for anything other than necessity and I can assure you that even if she doesn't come home for good after this she will know, maybe in time that material goods mean nothing when compared to a mum who has fought (and continues to fight despite her best efforts) tooth and nail for what is best for her daughter.

Be kind to yourself couthy. I think you're an amazing mum.

Amen to damn autocorrect!!

Just to echo Puggy, but from the opposite side of the coin.

My DM grew up wanting for nothing - in the material sense. Nannies, finishing schools, doing the season - the whole works. But she never felt secure, or loved, or wanted. Or happy.

IPads, iPhones, tablets are all well and good. But they count for nothing - nothing - compared to having a mother that loves her as you do.

Hi Couthy
.. apologies I haven't read all the thread yet but from what I have read so far I'm amazed at how you have coped so long with no help and I am outraged on your behalf.

It's all or nothing now, don't back down..the system owe you big time and this has to be sorted once and for all for the safety and well-being of all involved.

Please have a look at PDA (pathalogical demand avoidance) you will find it on the National Autistic website, or the pda resource page and see if it rings any bells for you, if so there is a page on facebook you can join and the help you will find there will be invaluable I promise.

Will be thinking of you xx

Who knows what she is feeling just now? She herself might not know and yes, she might be angry with you or get access to stuff she does not have with you. That's all window dressing. She'll come to realise what you've done for her and what you keep doing for her when the dust has settled a bit.
Enjoy having a relationship with your other DCs without having to negotiate her behaviour

PDA is something I have long, long suspected, considering even simple requests like asking her to bring her clothes down to be washed or getting dressed for school (and 101 other basic requests) are all met with a meltdown, and always have been...

I still haven't had the call from the SW, am going food shopping now.

Have bought DD a friends box set for her birthday, found the whole lot preowned. Seems odd to think that she might not be home for her 16th Birthday.