I'm done

[CouthyMow]

DD school refused this morning. First she refused to give DS1 back his iPod that he had kindly lent to her yesterday because hers is broken.

I insisted she give it back. She then decided

Bloody hell how scary, so glad you managed to find out in time (re: train).

You're doing amazing. x

SS are point blank REFUSING to accommodate DD. They have told me that if I don't take her back, I'm neglecting her, and leaving her homeless.

They suggested a placement with my alcoholic mother who I have been removed from TWICE as a child...um, NO.

They suggested her father comes down and collects her tonight...from the top end if Scotland to the SE...when he doesn't drive...has no money in the bank currently...and is a SAHP to two DC's...and her SM can't get time off work for the next few days.

ALL I am asking fir is a full assessment by CAHMS, CAHMS support in place and Social Care Support in place BEFORE DD cones home.

They've tried the guilt trip, the "oh it's all about your younger DC 's, what about DD, you're just abandoning her". That failed with the SW, and it failed with the manager.

It's now gone up to the senior manager, as I am steadfastly refusing to have DD home without these things in place FIRST.

They want her Dad's number, SM has told me to give them that AND her work number. Let them deal with DD's SM...

She's RAGING!

I'm not asking for a miracle, I'm asking for temporary emergency foster care until the CAHMS assessment is done, and the CAHMS support and Social Care support is in place.

Once I know what I am dealing with, I will be better placed to support and protect both DD AND my younger DC's.

They are going on about why have I managed for 6 months with no support, why have they not been told of DD's issues, why can't I cope now when I've managed to for 6 months with no support.

I've tried telling them that I've been hanging on by my fuckibg fingernails, and that maybe, JUST FUCKING MAYBE if the anger management help that I was promised for DD in FUCKING JUNE LAST YEAR has materialised after THEY closed the case in June and didn't even bother to INFORM ME until bloody August WHEN I DID FUCKING PHONE SOCIAL CARE FOR SOME SUPPORT AND GOT TURNED DOWN AS THE CASE WAS FUCKING CLOSED, then it might not have reached this crisis point...

Why am I not surprised?

Stick to your guns though. Don't let them bully you. This is disgusting.

Did you see my post? I expected as much. Stand firm and keep refusing- they will miraculously sort something then...I told them I'd sooner jump out of the window of the tall building we were in than have my dd home at the time.

hi couthy - sorry i was on my phone earlier so didnt see the pms.

it is going to be a stand off - so brace yourself.

it doesnt matter in the great scheme of things if she is placed some way off - for now.
what matters is that she is placed somewhere that can cater for her.
again - for now.

remember that this is a means to and end - its not a permanent solution - its just something to buy you some time and leverage.

you do sound like you are totally panic stricken - i understand totally why - but you need to take some deep breaths - none of this is going to be ideal - she needs a specialist placement and that MAY mean that its not going to be around the corner....please remember why you are doing this and that you are not looking for SS to take her permanently - its just to get the ball rolling for her to be assessed by someone with specialism.

ideally - i think you need a multi disciplinary assessment - a pead who specialises in ASDs, MH team, CAMHS. Its not easy to get, but its come to a head now and it would be in the best interest for your DD - you need to try and sell this as the only option in having her back at home.
you will not have her back until she is assessed and her needs met on the back of that assessment.

if you back down now because you feel guilty that she will not be close then you are going back to square one, and the next time this happens she may well be over 16. That would be bad news.

she will be treated as an adult in the eyes of the law - she has no diagnosed conditions.

stick to your guns now. You might not get exactly what you want - but you will get more than if you give in.

just seen your update -

what i said above - more than ever.

you are not neglecting her - you are protecting yourself from a DV situation and that of your other DCs.

you need everyone on board - talk to her dad and SM - you all have to be on the same page with a steadfast NO.

They've fucking released her. They've sent her home. So if I don't take her in, then she is on the fucking street. How fucking DARE they. I have told them that if ANY harm comes to any of my other 3 DC's, I will hold their department PERSONALLY responsible!!

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WHEN SHE TURNS UP AT THE DOOR??!! Do I have to tell her face to face that I can't have her here. This us emotional blackmail, how many mothers can do that face to face?

I can't do that. I'm in bits here. Why won't they fuvking help me?

on your behalf.

If she turns up and behaves, I suppose you let her in. And call the police the very second she kicks off.
Log everything you've said in your longer post in writing, recorded delivery.
I know only too well how stretched services are all over the country, but this seems outrageous! You are neglecting her? What about SS neglicting her, your and your other DCs' needs??

I think you're going to have to let her in and phone police at first sign of trouble I guess. What a nightmare.

They told me that they were discussing it with their senior manager, then released my vulnerable 15yo when they didn't even know where she will be staying, knowing full well that the options are that I take her back in, or I leave her on the STREET IN FUCKING JANUARY IN NOTHING BUT A FUCKING ONESIE.

They released her without even telling me they had until AFTER they'd released her. WTF? If this is what classes as Social Care now, then the Social Care system is broken. Not 'stretched' but broken.

i am speechless.

had she been released into the care of SS? if so they have just neglected their duty of care.

they have just turned a 15 year old with LD and MH problems onto the street?

can you call the officer who dealt with her yesterday?

and get ss on the phone. She is a minor. They HAVE to place her somewhere if you cant.

you need to call the YOT and tell them what has happened.

i am absolutely speechless. i would be raging.

you need to (calmly) call SS and tell them she cannot come in. Im sure they are in breach of something here in doing what they have....off to do some investigating.

Can you arrange for next door to let her into theirs until SS can come and get her?

Can't get through to custody, they've been engaged all bloody day, that's why if took till lunchtime to get an update on DD.

Don't get on with next door, she HATES DD and has made complaints about the noise DD causes and has sworn at DD too.

Yes, I actually agree, that would be system properly broken then if that is what they've actually done, relying on her mother NOT leaving her out in the street in January in a onesie.
Would they not have to at least let you know?
What if you had jetted off to the Bahamas or summat??

Contrary to how it seems I am actually speechless too.

ok couthy - im going to suggest you call "shelter" because according to their site if your DD is homeless then SS have a duty of care - and you have said and told SS that she is not coming back to yours unless assessment is put in place.
so she is effectively homeless.

call Shelter
link

i would also call the NSPCC
link

tell them your child is 15, and has been released on to the streets by social services following her court appearance despite you maintaining that you cannot have her back at home unless she is assessed in order to protect yourself and your younger DCs.

Phone your MP?

Have phoned YOTS, as they share a building with Social Care..sounds like if this IS what they have done, heads will roll...

Someone from YOTS is going upstairs to Social Care now, and is going to ring me back.

She confirmed with me that XXXXX, the SW has told me on the telephone that DD has been released with no confirmation of a place to go, in January, as a vulnerable teen, with MH issues & LD's.

God knows if DD will come here first, and this friend that she might be able to stay with if DD can a) get hold of friend, and b) speak to friend's parents, and c) I can talk to friend's parents, and explain the situation, as SS have told me that it is MY responsibility to arrange, and NOTHING to do with them...and this friend lives across town from me any way. Is DD meant to WALK there? I don't think I have enough money for her bus fare, I get my Tax Credits tomorrow and I usually run to the cashpoint in the morning for their bus fare for school on a Tuesday morning. Monday is my ski test day of the week.

So is she already out?
Does anybody know where she actually is, this v minute??
Poor child - I know she's made your life hell recently, but this...

Ski test = skintest.

I've never even touched a ski, so why autocorrect thinks I would be testing them is beyond me...

I can not believe it either.

If your dd isn't top of their list then the risk to the younger children absolutely should be, let alone you Couthy.

As an aside, where I am, I know there is always always a senior person if not a director within children's services on call so it can always be escalated higher.

Is your GP any good at all? Funny how they released her late in the day giving you little time to sort anything. Whole thing is outrageous .