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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I'm done

999 replies

CouthyMow · 23/01/2014 11:03

DD school refused this morning. First she refused to give DS1 back his iPod that he had kindly lent to her yesterday because hers is broken.

I insisted she give it back. She then decided

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 26/01/2014 22:35

She will eventually understand couthy. Yes you will feel like shite but that's because it doesn't feel right . But what else could you do?
I always say to my dd I always did what I had to do at the time for everyone's sake - at nearly 17 she understands now.
Try to be kind to yourself.

CinnabarRed · 26/01/2014 22:35

You have to consider what she needs, not what she wants. And what your other DCs (and you) need.

YY.

Listen to all of the posters above - they are wise.

Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 22:36

Grin I'm not really a 'mindless tv' sort of person. Maybe I'll look for some 'fluffy' threads on MN.

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ThatVikRinA22 · 26/01/2014 22:37

right.

this is getting you ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE blaming yourself and second guessing.

so stop. right now. you hear me??? stop.

You will not be making her mh worse. She NEEDS to understand that actions have consequences.
you are teaching her a very valuable lesson. thats all.

now she is in the cells she is being well cared for, she will be having a laugh with the custody staff....she might be putting on a bit of show of bravado but inside she will be wondering what the fuck she has done....time to reflect is something she will have a lot of tonight.

if i were you i would ring and speak with the custody sgt - tell them a brief synopsis of whats happened so far and ask them to bollock her good and proper....they command respect. custody sgt is god in custody. she needs to understand what has done, what she is potentially getting herself into. let the custody sgt tell her - she wont listen to you - she might listen to someone else.

she needs to know where the line is drawn - so far she has done what she wants, when she wants - and the consequences have been minimal to her.

this might be exactly what she needs to sit up and take some notice.

stop feeling guilty and fraught - i can guarantee you she wont be. she will be fine. she will be fussed and looked after, but she will be getting a little taste of the treatement she can expect as an adult if she continues this behaviour.
she needs this.
now the choice is hers. i understand what you say about her operating at 11/12 yrs mentally - but even at 11 or 12 she can make a distinction between right and wrong and decide how she wants this to go.

custody will have clocked early on that she isnt operating at her chronological age.

Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 22:37

I KNOW you are all right. I understand now why my family had to do the same with me.

Doesn't make it easier watching history repeating itself, unfolding in front of me...

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Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 22:40

Even the attending officers that arrested her clocked that she wasn't operating at her chronological age.

I might do some crocheting, that calms me down.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 26/01/2014 22:42

so they will be treating her accordingly - i promise you that they will be lovely with her.

she will be fine tonight.

if i were you i would get some sleep now while you can and before you need to make a decision tomorrow about whether she comes home or not....

i would talk to the custody sgt on in the morning. there will have been a shift change by then.

CinnabarRed · 26/01/2014 22:42

I understand now why my family had to do the same with me.

And you've turned out pretty good.

Her future may not be as either of you planned or expected, but so what? So what if she doesn't get on this course in September - there will be other opportunities for her. So what if she drops a year, or changes her coursework, or drops an exam?

All of that is trivial, in the general scheme of things. The lesson she's learning right now; that's the important one.

Maryz · 26/01/2014 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CinnabarRed · 26/01/2014 22:44

And you're a strong, good, loving mother for letting her have the chance to learn it.

Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 22:45

I know. She can get back to education whenever. I'M doing bloody GCSE's this year, so I know it's possible. And yes, my MH was more important than my education, and so is hers.

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 26/01/2014 22:45

Crocheting. Good idea. Off you go then !
Logging off now.

ThatVikRinA22 · 26/01/2014 22:45

heartily agree with MaryZ

NigellasDealer · 26/01/2014 22:48

agree with maryz too about the education - other things are more important right now

nilbyname · 26/01/2014 22:57

You have done the right thing.

A night on the cells might help her, hitting rock bottom and all that?

FreakinScaryCaaw · 26/01/2014 23:05

Just wanted to pop in and say I'm thinking of you all x

I've read all your answers and a lot of the thread. I hope that she turns a corner soon and gets the help she so desperately needs? And you and your dss need too.

newbiefrugalgal · 26/01/2014 23:19

Wow OP hope you are getting some rest now.

Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 23:27

Thanks For Vicar!

OP posts:
Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 23:32

Oh god. New shift on Custody desk and they've said that as I'm the victim, they can't give me any more information on what's going to happen with her.

First of all the lady on the phone said that they are waiting for officers from CPS to come down, but as soon as she realised who I was, she said she couldn't tell me any more information.

There's nobody else to worry about her WTF do I do. They won't tell me any information about whether she's going to be in cells for the rest of the night, or if she is going to go to emergency FC, or if she will be going straight to court in the morning.

OP posts:
Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 23:33

And they close the doors at midnight, and won't be available on the phone.

FUCK.

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Original poster
CouthyMow · 26/01/2014 23:34

What I gleaned was that they haven't charged her YET. She will still be in cells currently.

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 26/01/2014 23:35

well they have to tell someone what is happening with her if she is only 15 - can you phone the duty social worker?

RhondaJean · 26/01/2014 23:36

I really don't think that's right given the circumstances, can you call back and ask to speak to the sergeant on duty? I think often calls are taken by civilian staff these days.

I have no real advice as I'm out of my depth but I'm rooting for you and I wanted to say, terrible as you feel, she didn't think you would follow through and do this and it might be enough to wake her up a bit.

ExcuseTypos · 26/01/2014 23:37

Don't panic Couthy, could you phone her Dad and get him to phone?

I'm sure they'll tell him.

ThatVikRinA22 · 26/01/2014 23:40

Listen, she isnt going to know or care right now if.you are worrying or not. she will stay in custody tonight and all you need to know right now is that due to her age they can't just chuck her out! she will not . be going anywhere until she has somewhere to go. you will be notified. I do nott get why they won't t tell you. did . you ask why? but . Please . try and get some sleep now as you can't alter anything.