I'm done

[CouthyMow]

DD school refused this morning. First she refused to give DS1 back his iPod that he had kindly lent to her yesterday because hers is broken.

I insisted she give it back. She then decided

Night in the cells. But will this make her even angrier when she comes home ?

She needs a proper MH assessment. Also to take her learning difficult unites into consideration.

I thought this was a useful and reassuring website with links to other websites. Even though it is American.

www.scmcbws.org/teenage_abusers.asp

Hope you manage to get a bit of sleep. At least she is in a safe, if unpleasant place.

Hugs.

Refusing to have her home will help you access the help she needs, I did it with my dd. it's not easy though

This is only my opinion, but it is based on dreadful experiences of my own childhood.

The best place your dd could be would be up in the wilds of Scotland, away from the places and the so-called friends that are all exascerbating her problems.

You said that the last time she came back from her dad's it was 3 and a half weeks before she had a meltdown.

If there was any opportunity for her to be out doors, doing any kind of work experience that involved gardening or similar, I think that could be so helpful. Maybe it would be a chance to be calm, not overstressed by everything.

You cannot have her back with you. It is not fair on your other children. The time has come to put them first. I was one of the "other children". I still have the physical and mental scars.

I feel like I'm abandoning her when she needs me most, but given her threats to DS1 this week, and how angry she's going to be, and that it's the only way I can access the help DD needs, I've hit no choice.

Even DD's SM says that with one of her 'girls' in the children's home, they would have to do the same thing.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Tomorrow is another day (in the words of Scarlet O'Hara )

Couthy, in the res home my dd is at they call the police if they trash the place! My dd has been in handcuffs a few times but she now understands there is a line she cannot cross- long term hospital is the outcome for her if she is sectioned again.
We don't have to take it because we are their parents. By carrying on you will just make yourself ill and the over stretched services will not be obliged to step up.

couthy - did you get my pm?

please rest assured she will be ok in custody tonight.

custody staff are lovely - she will be fed and watered. they will keep her plied with hot chocolate and keep an eye on her - she will not be in an adult cell - she will be in the juvenile cells.

you could do will the custody sgt bollocking her and telling her how it is and how it will be from here on in if she comes back....

and social services will HAVE to find a placement for her even temporarily if you say enough is enough.
and i think you need to.

you know i wear both hats in this situation - as a mum to a child with SN/autism and as a police officer....

Couthy you are not abaonding her, this is the only way to get the help all of you need. More big hugs x

I got half the PM Vicar. Seems to be an issue on the iPad. Haven't had the energy to write a post in site stuff, been a bit preoccupied!

She's in a juvy cell with a camera, and they're keeping a good eye on her because of the self harm.

I'm worried she's cold though - she went in a onesie with cords, so she has had to change into a thin jumpsuit. She'd only got her underwear on under it, and she took a stupid tiny cardigan.

The only placement they've got suitable due to MH/SN issues is ruled out by her on-off ex boyfriend living there.

The cold won't kill her. She might be a little uncomfortable. Actions have consequences; a hard lesson but she's for to learn it sooner or later.

custody will give her all the blankets she needs to keep warm.

its not that bad - i promise you.

couthy i am happy to speak with you - i did pm you my landline number so if you want to call then please do its fine.

if not get some sleep knowing she is safe, well, and being very very well cared for. i promise you.

I've hit no family suitable to take her in - my mother isn't suitable, she's a raging alcoholic that I was removed from TWICE by SS...

My Dad is dead, killed himself 22 years ago.

Aunts and uncles disowned me when I refused to have an abortion.

Been running through every other option. There isn't any.

All my friends have DC's with SN's. It's hard to make friends with people with NT DC's when 3/4 of your DC's have additional needs...so they're not suitable due to multiple stresses on their households already.

have you spoken to her dad tonight couthy?
is Scotland a possibility?

I know she will be safe. Doesn't stop me feeling like utter shite though.

I KNOW I'm doing this to get her the help and support she needs, and also to protect my younger DC's. But SHE won't see it like that, will she ?! Will I be making her MH issues WORSE?

couthy you have done all you can tonight.
Get off Mumsnet and go watch a bit of mindless TV to help you unwind. And have a milky drink or some coco or Chamomile tea or something.

Or if you really need to talk give Vicar a call! But stop beating yourself up.
And don't forget to go and give your little ones a big hug before you go to bed too.

Night night.

It may be a short sharp shock that she needs...

Let tonight come and go.
Maybe explore Scotland as an option when the dust has settled - if her dad really feels he cannot take her in, then, yes, what about FC closer to him? Simply to remove her from her current group of friends.

You have to consider what she needs, not what she wants. And what your other DCs (and you) need.

Couthy perhaps it's because of her MH you have to ignore what she wants and parent her effectively by doing what she needs, however hard that is.

Go and watch some mindless TV and get some sleep.

Dad not a possibility for tonight at least. He is actually looking at schools in his area tomorrow after school run for his older DS.

Issue being March Birthday and different school system, and she would be in her final year and, like me (fuck, history repeats itself!!) would be unable to catch up on coursework for SG's when she has been doing GCSE's. Would they let her go down a year like I did?!

Plus there's the issue of her needing +++ SEN help, with no statement. Right now, at her current school, even WITH the drop in support, she is actually getting FAR above what she should on SA+. Her support might drop even more drastically if she moved to Scotland.

I've been trying to hang on till the end of Y11, but it's not possible any more.

It is likely that longer term, she may well end up moving to her Dad's. But given her age, school place and year group and curriculum might be issues.

And she's been accepted onto the course she's wanted to do since she was 7yo. And she might have to give that up to move to Scotland.

I SO didn't want her education fucked up by moving HER at the same age as I moved up there.

Argh! This is so effing difficult.