exasperatdemma, I'm sorry to hear about CAMHS attitude. I do think it has become even harder to meet criteria for help since my DD needed it 5 years ago, when she spent several spells in an adolescent unit for severe depression. As a mum who has just so happily waved her wonderful DD off to uni (something we both felt might never happen for a good while), things I wish I had known earlier are
a) school is less important than mental health - if your DD is not coping, better spend a year out of education or on a reduced schedule where they can cope. Changing school after illness can help, if school and friends are not supportive. More people delay school than you think and if they go into higher education, the missed year, or even 2 makes no difference.
b) find other people for them to confide in. I thought my DD was angry at me, but she just found it difficult to share her dark thoughts and didnt wish to upset me so slightly older family/friends or people who went through teen issues are best. Her friends in hospital also provided peer support. When she was better, our relationship returned to a close one.
c) many teens are hard/impossible to diagnose (we had many diagnoses, mostly wrong and I realise it was less important than the symptoms in our case). Focus on strengths at home as well as vulnerabilities as therapy focuses on what is wrong. Don't let them be put in a box, listen to your child and write everything down, as you are the one who sees your child the most. I found the results of a WISC 4 educational assessment helpful for getting the right schooling support later on, so do get tests done, medical and educational as they may help identify issues and get further help.
d) find the right therapeutic help although so little is on offer. CBT is good but can be difficult for teens. Might be better they have someone younger who they open up to and listen to, rather than the most senior therapist who might be a stressed mum !!. Get therapeutic support yourself and the tools to help them, as even when it gets better,they may need support. I explored nhs, private and charities and not everyone was good at their job as in any other industry. Do fight for support in line with current NICE guidelines from your Trust. They are struggling with the cuts, but you are the ones suffering.
e)Consider medication, if your child is not responding to talking therapy, but only alongside a robust therapeutic schedule, and read up carefully on side effects. Coming off meds caused the worst side effects.Tools and coping strategies she learnt really did help.
f )All turniptwirls comments are the right way to approach a depressed teen and there are many websites like Young Minds with helpful guidelines (and a useful callback service), but still not enough family/parental help out there.
Most importantly Depression is an illness, and needs the right treatment and support and it really helps for teens to know it is something which can get better in most cases, if addressed at a young age and its not their 'fault'. We can't tell them that if they do x and x it will definitely get better or not doing something might give them depression.
Everyone is different and for some, needing alone time in a quiet place might be an important thing, for another sport might help but it all takes much time and patience and setbacks, particularly up until aged 16 when they start to learn coping strategies, understand their own triggers and while those around them are also going through messy emotional ties.
Hope this is helpful to someone. Most young people I know have got better and come through, particularly over 16, but there has also been relapse and tragic loss of young lives, so always, always take their worries seriously and offer support.