Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Support thread for parents of self harming/depressed/suicidal teens.

144 replies

ElleMcFearsome · 25/06/2013 07:50

Inspired by MaryZ's amazing support thread for parents of troubled teens, I wondered if it would be helpful to have a place for those of us who are trying to support our teens who are self-harming/depressed or suicidal? If this is simply replicating MaryZ's thread I'll have it pulled, but I have started a thread about my DD in the MH topic and I see from this board that other people have done similar here.

There seems to be a great deal of info and support here (no surprise there) as well as some helpful information sharing and I thought trying to get it all in one place may be helpful?

OP posts:
Frustrated33 · 18/02/2015 14:51

Hi TheFirstOfHerName, yes I've had a family support worker out to me and she mentioned CAF, made me think of you cos I never heard of it either. We're having a meeting after half term too and it's involving everyone who's helping my child, we're going to put a plan in place to best help her and my other daughter who maybe effected by all this, hope this helps and I hope your all ok :) x

Frustrated33 · 18/02/2015 14:59

Also... I was looking for support groups in my area for parents in my situation, I didn't realise there's hardly any help out there for me... Don't get me wrong, my life is devoted to my family and them happy is me happy, all this with my daughter is killing me inside, not that I show anyone... But I know I need someone to talk to, I have to release the feelings and frustration I'm feeling inside, and there's just no one around me who understands... Makes me sad, I'm a strong woman and I cope, I feel there's others out there not as strong who's struggling and more so impacting on the child :(

bettyboop1970 · 18/02/2015 16:22

CAF is a common assessment framework enabling all agencies and practioners supporting the young person to best identify and meet their needs and to deliver an integrated service. I wish all of you the very bestFlowers

TheFirstOfHerName · 22/02/2015 19:40

Bump because it's DS1's parents' evening this week. Although his Head of Year and the Learning Support department have been really helpful, some of his subject teachers have given him v.negative reports this year.

He is in a higher set than he can cope with for all three sciences (Head of Science has refused my request for him to be moved down), and is significantly underperforming (three grades below where he should be) in those and in languages. I wish we could just not go to the parents' evening, but that isn't an option. The thought of it makes me want to burst into tears.

Frustrated33 · 22/02/2015 22:32

Isn't that something that can be discussed in the meeting? If it's about his best interests, then surely they would do what's right by him. You can say... He's tried it your way by staying at the level you put him, and clearly it's not helped, let's try it my way and move him down a level...

If they continue to say no, then tell them you will ask the governors to look into the situation.

Good luck, I really hope you all get the help and support you need :) x

Frustrated33 · 22/02/2015 22:34

Thank you bettyboop1970 much appreciated x

felttippens · 25/02/2015 20:51

We've enjoyed nearly two weeks of dd emerging from the darkness , it was amazing and the change in MY mood was massive too.

We're now on day three of being back down :(

It's a roller coaster

TheFirstOfHerName · 25/02/2015 21:20

We survived parents' evening. I'm v.proud of DS for holding it together.

Most teachers were actually v.positive (they had been prepped by the H of Y to focus on the positive) but his form tutor concerned me.
The form tutor also teaches DS for a core subject and has interpreted DS's concentration difficulties and defeatism as a lack of respect! He didn't seem to have much understanding of mental illness.

I am meeting with Head of Year & Assistant Head next week to fill in the CAF form; would it be appropriate to raise concerns then about the form tutor's misunderstanding of the situation?

TheFirstOfHerName · 25/02/2015 21:21

felttippens was there something that triggered the downturn?

Frustrated33 · 25/02/2015 21:37

it certainly is a roller coaster :(

and yes 'thefirstofhername' you should say something... better that than let the 'mis-understanding' continue...

good luck :) x

Frustrated33 · 25/02/2015 21:40

oh... and im very happy to hear about parents evening :) my daughters letter came thru today, her parents evening is in 2 weeks... and yes have to go as shes in yr 10

counsellor has been great with her, she's been pulled out of PE now as its a trigger for her, she now goes to B2A (youth zone) to do catch up work... works much better for her :) x

TheFirstOfHerName · 25/02/2015 21:55

I'm glad they are not making her do PE.

I spoke to the Head of Science about the setting decision. He explained that the top three sets are basically parallel. In the next three sets down, he said that there is more low-level disruption and that he thinks the boys would also be less understanding of DS's panic attacks and occasional tearfulness. The set DS is currently in is full of particularly sensitive/understanding boys. This makes total sense. Why didn't they just explain that in the first place?

Frustrated33 · 25/02/2015 22:05

because sometimes their not the brightest and dont fully understand your situation... i have to tell myself that too... if i wasnt in this situation, how much would i really understand?

but im a patient person and understanding of others, i stay calm and dont go til ive explained or ive got them to explain to me whats happening lol

im stubborn that way, think the school are sick of seeing me ! :)

felttippens · 25/02/2015 23:06

Not sure what the trigger was. It's as if she suddenly panicked about being better and scurried back in the rabbit hole.

TheFirstOfHerName · 25/02/2015 23:13

DS started his meds a week after your DD so I will watch out for that. I think that when they start to emerge from an episode of illness, everything can feel a little overwhelming to start with.

felttippens · 26/02/2015 17:49

Tfohn- how is he getting on with his?

Dd had a better day today she did her home tuition and has been out of her room once or twice - such a relief - there's always the worry of how low they are going to go x

TheFirstOfHerName · 26/02/2015 22:51

I don't want to speak too soon, but he had a good day today. I saw glimpses of the old DS back. The no-experience-of-mental-illness form tutor is a chess fanatic and challenged DS to a game of chess today and DS beat him. Smile

ThistleMountain · 01/03/2015 15:21

Hi All, great thread. I'm afraid I have similar issues with my DD, who is (a mature) 13. We have our first CAMHS appointment tomorrow, after a lot of pushing to get it. My DD has shown signs of an issue since around 8, and after a few difficult years, seems to have hit crisis point in the last few months. She says she does not feel so much sad as empty. She cries for hours, won't get out of bed, goes between angry and desolate. Other days she is quite good - we chat, she goes to school. I don't know what I will face each day. My work is a disaster. I'm worried about tomorrow - my fear is that CAMHS will say she is not bad enough for them, and that after all this pushing and waiting, we'll be back to square 1. Do others feel the same - that they are watching their wonderful, intelligent children slowly losing not just their childhood, but also their potential to this illness?

TheFirstOfHerName · 01/03/2015 16:06

Yes, DS has gone from being an A*/A student to getting C/D grades and lower. He has given up the instrument he played and the sport he played.

Frustrated33 · 01/03/2015 18:12

Oh I sure do feel the same... Most days I walk on egg shells depending on her mood ! This weekend has been good but today mood changes as she thinks about school tomorrow, good luck at CAMHS my daughter starts for the second time on the 18th (fingers crossed) x

TheFirstOfHerName · 01/03/2015 18:16

Ah yes, the Sunday evening mood swings.
I hope you get someone understanding at CAMHS.

We have the initial meeting to fill in the CAF form this Tuesday and then CAMHS follow-up on Thursday. Luckily I work part-time and my hours are flexible. How do people manage to work full-time if their children have health needs or other issues?

Frustrated33 · 01/03/2015 18:56

I'm currently looking for work, it's hard work even doing that, so many times I have to drop everything because I'm needed... I'm waiting for my meeting for CAF report, good luck for Tuesday x

momb · 01/03/2015 23:10

Hi all, ED(15) currently under CAMHS for severe depression, self harming and nightmares/sleep deprivation. I've been posting on another thread but thought I'd come in and say high.

It's exhausting isn't it, just being calm and positive all the time when all you want to do is curl up and cry yourself that your child is so desperately unhappy and there's nothing tangible that you can do to help? She accused (screamed at) me of bullying her today because I made her some breakfast. I just smiled and said 'yup, meanest Mum in the world: do you want honey on that?' as I walked out of the room. I swear she smiled to herself as I went. I can't tell what is real and what is melodrama so have to keep reacting as if it is the depression talking when at least some of it is bloody minded teen and should surely be pulled up on? It's like a tightrope.
Hugs to all of us.

Frustrated33 · 01/03/2015 23:27

Hi Momb, nice to meet you :) my daughter don't act out to be honest, she keeps it all inside, I think that's just as bad, I have no idea what's going on inside that head of hers, she shows no emotion at times... But... She's been happy and very positive this weekend, it's been lovely :) I think your a strong mom for reacting how you do... It will pay off hopefully. Hugs back x

momb · 02/03/2015 12:00

Does anyone keep a diary?
After a week with new morning regime, new meds etc superficially she seems brighter though obviously I have no idea what she is actually feeling) though I'm sure that there are going to be months of ups and downs. So I was wondering if a diary would be helpful to follow progress and remind myself on the darkest days that we are having brighter ones too.
Does it work?

Swipe left for the next trending thread