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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Support thread for parents of self harming/depressed/suicidal teens.

144 replies

ElleMcFearsome · 25/06/2013 07:50

Inspired by MaryZ's amazing support thread for parents of troubled teens, I wondered if it would be helpful to have a place for those of us who are trying to support our teens who are self-harming/depressed or suicidal? If this is simply replicating MaryZ's thread I'll have it pulled, but I have started a thread about my DD in the MH topic and I see from this board that other people have done similar here.

There seems to be a great deal of info and support here (no surprise there) as well as some helpful information sharing and I thought trying to get it all in one place may be helpful?

OP posts:
Frustrated33 · 02/03/2015 14:40

hi momb to be honest i haven't thought about doing a diary... i know my daughter does tho, not everyday but she does like looking back and seeing how far she has come, gives her a little hope :)

shes had a good weekend, but i know there's been an issue at school with drama, so im not looking forward to the 'awkwardness' when she comes home !!

it may be nice if you both tried doing a diary... sounds like a good idea x

TheFirstOfHerName · 02/03/2015 16:38

A diary does sound as though it would be useful. At the moment, I'm not sure I can face having one more thing to remember to do. I'm already feeling like the camel's back.

imjustahead · 02/03/2015 18:46

hello all.

my dd is nearly 13 and has been off school with depression for five weeks now. I started a thread in Children's Mental health back at the start of it, tho there have been other episodes over the last 8 months or so, this is the worst.

I am happy to find this thread, and feel supported that it's been started.
We have a Camhs apt next week.
I feel totally lonely with this, am a single mum with an ex dh who is at the root of this.
I half expected this might happen to dd, but still it's a shock.x

TheFirstOfHerName · 03/03/2015 21:05

I just wanted to do a quick update on the CAF process, for those facing the same thing.

The initial meeting to start filling out the CAF took nearly two hours!
For each member of the family (there are six of us) we had to cover strengths and needs in five different areas (e.g. health, learning, behaviour etc), so 30 categories in total.

As well having to go into detail about the worst of DS's condition, we also had to cover his brother's additional needs as well as all of the horrendous stuff our family has suffered in the last two years.

Thankfully, the lead professional who was helping me with the process was sensitive and understanding. I managed not to cry even when discussing the most horrific aspects of it all.

I am now feeling a bit more positive that this might open doors for DS to get more help.

TheFirstOfHerName · 03/03/2015 21:06

imjustahead I hope CAMHS are helpful for you and your DD.

imjustahead · 04/03/2015 10:54

thankyou.Smile

you must feel relief after doing the forms. steps in the right direction. x

TheFirstOfHerName · 04/03/2015 13:55

you must feel relief after doing the forms

I did initially. Now I am second-guessing everything I said and worrying about my responses. I need to just forget about it until they show me the first draft.

Frustrated33 · 04/03/2015 22:48

I'm really not coping well tonight :'( my 15 yr old daughter fell out with one of her friends a couple of weeks ago, things have been getting worse since then, she don't have a big circle of friends, and because she don't want to cause awkwardness she sits alone at lunch, now everyone has seemed to of fell out with her and is talking about her, she's really struggling to cope... It's killing me to see her this way ! I just asked her if she was going to be ok tonight... And he gave me her sharpener from her bag, she said take it mom do I can't get it ! I made her promise that she won't try nothing else and she did... But I'm still not convinced ! I'm soon tired but there's no way I'm sleeping tonight, I need to keep a check on her... I'm just do lost right now :'(

TheFirstOfHerName · 05/03/2015 07:38

That sounds really heartbreaking Frustrated33
It's horrible when you can't help them and feel powerless.
Are you in contact with her form tutor at all?

TheFirstOfHerName · 05/03/2015 07:39

I don't want to speak too soon, but DS seems a bit lighter in mood recently. CAMHS follow-up today, possibly to increase fluoxetine to 20mg.

imjustahead · 05/03/2015 09:51

hope your daughter had am ok night ?

little glimmers of improvement i hope that 20mg helps.

Frustrated33 · 05/03/2015 10:15

Hi all, thanks for the messages :) I couldn't hold out the night and fell asleep, in turn we woke up late ! Her counsellor just rang and woke me up, he's set up some one to one mentoring for my daughter, just got to go and sign forms, it's just a case of taking things day by day...

Good luck with CAMHS today :)

TheFirstOfHerName · 05/03/2015 21:04

Frustrated33 I hope your daughter had a better day today.

The CAMHS appointment went OK. At the end of the appointment I asked what his diagnosis was (as no one has actually told us since the referral to this psychiatrist). She said it was a major depressive episode with an underlying anxiety disorder. Next follow-up in 8 weeks.

Frustrated33 · 07/03/2015 17:06

So you have to wait 8 weeks til you see someone again ? That's a long time.

My daughters not been to bad thanks, my other daughter went to a sleep over last night so I took my girl to the cinema, it was a nice night, much needed bonding :) x

imjustahead · 07/03/2015 17:51

did they increase your sons meds TheFirst?

Bewildered what film did you see. When dd has better days or times its so lovely to do something. we have one week till our first camhs appt. quite nervous.

TheFirstOfHerName · 07/03/2015 22:43

Yes, increased to 20mg which is therapeutic dose. I just want to fast forward to three or four weeks time when the new dose has started to work.

DS having fewer panic attacks at school but still depressed, enough that he's not taking in the material. GCSEs in 15 months...

ICallConnerie · 08/03/2015 09:11

Hi everyone. I've been thinking about starting a thread for a while but have just seen this so thought I'd jump in.

DD is 14 and we've been having issues with self harming since september. Things got much worse over Christmas and we've got an initial camhs appointment tomorrow.

The GP has said she is depressed. She is self harming quite a bit but says there's no suicide intentions.

My worry is that she hates to talk about it. She's sat and cried and shrugged through every GP appointment. Her school have been good but she lied to them sep-dec saying she'd stopped harming and was fine. She refused to attend one-to-one appointments with her head of year saying she didn't need it so they stopped asking. They have reported that she has basically stopped engaging so there's little they can do.

I'm worried that camhs won't help us if she won't talk to them. I think she just needs time to build a bond with them but I don't think they will give her that.

She rarely talks to me - it takes a fair amount of probing and the right 'timing' for it to happen. She says stuff abut never being good enough, not being normal because she can't feel happy, having a better life in her head where she is a proper person etc.

Has anyone experienced this refusal to engage? How do camhs deal with that?

imjustahead · 08/03/2015 10:15

hiya.

i don't really know how camhs work as we have our first appointment this Friday.

i think that all you can do is explain what you have here. they must surely get lots of kids who just can't open up.

my dd is similar in that she says she doesn't know what to say. but maybe camhs will have better ways of approaching our girls iyswim.
gp don't have the tools or the time. my dd has seen a counsellor but not got very far with the underlying issues.

lets hope that camhs takes this forward. i am hoping x

TheFirstOfHerName · 08/03/2015 18:44

DS did open up in his first CAMHS appointment, but in the second was very reticent and gave quite a good impression of a well, if quiet, teenager. The practitioners are well-trained and experienced. They understand that mental illness can present differently in adolescents. If you have time before tomorrow, try to make a list of your concerns so you don't forget to mention anything during the appointment.

Frustrated33 · 09/03/2015 01:25

Hi ICallConnerie, I can relate to what your saying... I was trying with my daughter for a while and it just so happened her school had a new counsellor start... I asked if he would see my daughter just so I could get his thoughts and see if she would talk to him... Well their first meeting and she disclosed that she was self harming, I had no clue, but clearly she had to get it out in the open somehow... He's been great ever since then, above and beyond :) but there's only so much he can do...

My daughter thinks she's not normal too... She knows there's something different about her and her way of thinking... All she's after is and answer as to why she feels this way... Her counsellor is autism trained and thinks she has this, after her suicide attempt the CAMHS worker she seen then agreed she shows the traits of autism, so we're awaiting that from the doctors.

She's agreed to try CAMHS again and have an appointment on the 18th but she wanted to see a male, feels more comfortable.

It is hard but you will get there :)

I can't even hug my girl she don't like to be touched... Also she told me she's asexual (was a massive thing for her to tell me) and both are traits of autism also.

imJustaHead we went to see Selma, she really enjoyed it, she says good films like that is escapism for her :) x

Anjelica27 · 09/03/2015 16:00

Hi ICallConnerie, my ds is 17 and was referred to CAMHS following a suicide attempt and episodes of self harm. He refused to engage with anyone at CAMHS or take his medication and the psychiatrist discharged him after about five weeks of trying to get him there. Ds has been calmer and reasonably safe and has now just asked to go back to CAMHS and has started his medication again. We had to back to the GP to ask for a referral again so waiting for that at the moment. Whether he actually goes is another matter though - fingers crossed.
It is the most awful thing ever to see your dc so unhappy and know there is nothing you can really do to help them. Ds is always in his room, refuses to engage with anyone very much and like you Frustrated33 I'd just like to hug him and let him know how much I love him.
Sending a hug to everyone going through this x

Frustrated33 · 09/03/2015 16:33

Thank you Anjelica27, it is so hard... today she has had a very bad day well started last night, she sent me a text while i was sleeping telling me she didn't want to go to school, and how much she just wants to die... she also thought about running away but messaged me instead... ive been crying all day... i guess we've all had them days !! she went in school at break time after i spoke to her counselor, she seems ok now shes home... we'll see lol

i hope your son is able to open up this time, it really is good to talk

my daughter has so much help and support, i don't find much for myself though... i ask (which i hate doing) and don't get so i feel why bother... as long as she's getting help that's all that matters to me.

good luck and have a lovely day :) x

felttippens · 16/03/2015 09:27

How is she doing now frustrated ??
My dd is having a bad few days - she was doing so well and now feel as if we're heading back down - it's so hard to ride this roller coaster x

Frustrated33 · 16/03/2015 14:14

hiya felttippens... shes very up and down to be honest, didn't have a good night but that's cos she knows school was today.

shes got her camhs appointment on Wednesday with a new counselor, hope that's goes well, shes also got an appointment next Thursday, hopefully the start of her diagnosis of autism...

shes getting a lot of support but i think its not helping, she says she feels like a freak cos of all the support... lesser of evils i guess...

me and her school counselor worked out shes very smart... she don't like to open up fully but can manipulate the situation to work in her favor... saying things that she knows ill react to instead of the truth (anything to get out of facing it i suppose) but we probed her and she finally opened up about some things, wasn't easy but now its out there.

you need to keep your head up hun... my daughter has good days but with a high comes a bigger low !! just gotta give them space but let them know your there when needed, it is really hard and gut wrenching at times.... do you have support yourself? x

JustDanceAddict · 16/03/2015 16:30

Just found this thread.
I am off to the GP tmw with DD who has had self-harming thoughts but has not actually acted on them yet (She says she doesn't want to). I think it's stemming from anxiety, as she is not unhappy she says. She is 12, 13 in July.
This started last summer, but I thought it had died down and was a reaction to us moving house, puberty etc. but she has kept it quiet for nearly a year again until a couple of weeks ago. Arguments and homework stress seem to set it off.
I am hoping we will be able to access help on our private health insurance and see a counsellor. I want to try and help her 'early on' rather than stress getting worse as she gets older. At 12 life is still fairly 'easy' compared to the older teen years.