Support thread for parents of self harming/depressed/suicidal teens.

[ElleMcFearsome]

Inspired by MaryZ's amazing support thread for parents of troubled teens, I wondered if it would be helpful to have a place for those of us who are trying to support our teens who are self-harming/depressed or suicidal? If this is simply replicating MaryZ's thread I'll have it pulled, but I have started a thread about my DD in the MH topic and I see from this board that other people have done similar here.

There seems to be a great deal of info and support here (no surprise there) as well as some helpful information sharing and I thought trying to get it all in one place may be helpful?

Thank you trickiedickie, no its not been easy, very hard, very frustrating and very lonely at times, but i can a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel :) at the minute shes in good spirits but with a high comes a lower low.. im bracing myself lol i started to keep a diary to try to understand when the moods happen, its early days but i can see it being really useful.

she has her autism appointment next week, she is really hoping it comes back that she has it as it will mean an answer to some of her 'internal' question as to why she feels so different.

I have some support... my daughters school counsellor has been great... i do manage but at times i just need someone who really understands my situation, its not easy...

i really hope everything turns out ok with you and your family :) it must be scary right now i know i was... the more you can educate yourself the better :) xx

frustrated, my DD exhibited similar behaviour to your DD. It was suggested she had ASD traits but was diagnosed as 'complex partly because i think many of the tests in the UK, focus on boys rather than girls . The most helpful test she did was a WISC 4 educational test done with a fantastic educational psychologist. It showed her that although her brain was working differently, there were real strengths and talents she had. They were really encouraging. Camhs is often about what is wrong, so I agree with you, if she can understand alongside learning coping skills that she (and many other undiagnosed girls) thinks differently about life and learns a bit differently but its no less valid, it is helpful in recovery. Keeping a diary is helpful for Camhs too.

trickydickie. Many young people struggle at this age, its more common that your dh probably realises, and the important thing to get help as you say. Stigma is changing slowly in the workplace.Young minds website have some information for parents and a helpline if you need some advice to assure dh. Hopefully your DD doesnt know he feels like this. Getting help means she should be able to access more educational support if necessary. My DD is very bright but did need help with anxiety and panic around exams, as her short term memory was affected. She has been able to get in the uni of her choice from having help. Do look after yourself and if you are feeling despair, maybe ask the gp for some CBT for yourself, to help you cope.

Frustrated - how did you access the assessment for autism - Id like to have my dd assessed x

felttippens... it can be done through camhs but they told me it can takes months, i simply went to our gp and asked for her to be tested, then they rang me and offered me an appointment, i had to wait a few weeks but it was still quicker than i expected :)

good luck xx

Thank you anthropology :) the WISC 4 educational test is a good thing to know :) x

I thought I would share my experience :

The death of my beloved dad triggered depression in me at the age of 12, way back in 1976. I became completely mute for about a year and gradually withdrew from life and school in many ways. I was regarded as a weirdo and "one to be avoided". Sadly, this is how teenage depression was treated back then - it was never spoken about and best avoided!

Over the years, life has veered from inevitable car- crash mode to periods of calm. At it's worst, when I was in my mid 20's, I was referred to the local mental health hospital when I started getting voices in my head. The whole experience of being in that hospital terrified me - all I could hear were people wailing and shouting from down the corridor. I ran and never returned. I decided there and then that I would take care of myself and accepted that I was me and my crazy, haphazard mental state was part of what made me, me. I reminded myself that I was loved in spite of it ( although not by my family, as they had disowned me by now) and often loved because of it as it made me a kinder, more compassionate human being who never judged others.

Over the years, I found holding down a job ,in the longterm, difficult as some days my mind would race and I felt I could rule the world but by lunchtime I could barely justify being on the planet at all. It was like living on the mother of all roller coasters, with no escape. I had numerous failed relationships, often abusive, but somehow have managed to survive it all.Along the way I raised 3 beautiful children, single-handedly, in amongst the organised chaos that is the inside of my head. Life has never been, and never will be,a straight path and I am fine with that now.

The turning point for me was accepting that I am ok as I am. Some days are great, some ok, some are truly awful - but that is part of me and I have learnt to accept it and just ride the waves rather than fight it or wish it wasn't there at all. It is - and always will be part of me - no different to the colour of my hair or my eyes. At the risk of sounding like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.

My 18 year old son has inherited my mental illness and one afternoon last summer he was escorted home from school, as he was suicidal. At it's worst he was an incoherent ball of anguish, curled in the corner of the room. There were times when I was scared to let him out of sight as I feared he wouldn't return alive, but neither did I want him to shrink away into a darkened room away from the outside world - I knew from my own experience that you have to cling on to some form of "normality" in some small way, in order to stop spiralling downward.

Throughout all of this, he never missed a day's school. I insisted that he got out of bed, washed, dressed and ate good, nutritional food every day. I was determined to stand by him and get him and my two younger children through it all bit by bit. It broke my heart to see this wonderful, kind, funny, intelligent young man in such despair, and took me right back to those dark days of my own teenage years.

His younger brother and sister, aged 16 and 12, have also had to try and understand, as did his own friends.They have all been there for him, even though they felt useless at the time. My son has never forgotten their loyalty either. As a result we are incredibly close and little by little, we got through it. As a family we stuck together and I count my blessings that we have.

He has had the most incredible support from our GP who gave him his personal mobile number to call at any time, pastoral care at his school, Porchlight, and CAMHS. They, and I, have all been able to provide him with the skills to recognise the signs when things are sliding downwards, and when to speak out and ask for help and although it's been a bumpy road, we are in a good place now. Twelve months on, and he has made enormous progress and I am exceptionally proud of the way he has never given up on life, even when it was at it's bleakest. He still has his bad times, but they are not so scary for him and he feels more at ease in his own skin.

More so, I am so glad that his teenage years and the support available alongside a change in attitudes towards teenage mental health issues, has changed and improved. Even when the tunnel seems long and dark, there is a light at the end of it - hang in there x

frog51 thank you for sharing both experiences and sometimes its helpful to remember that however hard it sometimes is fighting for the right help and support, it is at least better than it was. Glad you are both doing well.

frog51 - thanks for sharing. Good to hear your son and yourself are well.

Struggling with 14yo dd. Anxiety, school refusal and panic attacks. She has been assessed by CAMHS who recommended CBT, but she has been turned down for this now and referred back to the school nurse instead. As she is too anxious to stand school this isn't much use.

She is alternately depressed, hysterical, clingy, lashing out and I can't physically make her do anything. I am struggling with work. She has now starting having panic attacks that last ages in the night and we are all exhausted.

GP has recommended various apps, keeping a diary, but says she is too young for meds. I don't know what to do next.

cowboy. sorry things are tough. If camhs assessed her and recommended CBT, why was she turned down ?. Have they written to explain ? do you have a copy of the assessment ?. Appeal again to them/the Trust in writing. If you don't understand why she was turned down, perhaps ask for a callback form the YOung Minds parent support line, to ask advice as to how to proceed. The GPs advice doesnt seem helpful either. In terms of meds, a psychiatrist from Camhs would prescribe any at this age, usually if a child is very unwell, or struggling to engage with therapy, but she is not too young. I would keep notes on all her worrying behaviour and keep pushing camhs, as it sounds like you need specialist support. If you can find a private adolescent therapist, who might also assess her, or an ed psych, perhaps you can gather more information to take back to camhs.

Hello folks. I have just found this thread today and sadly it looks like this is where I need to be.
My dd is 14 and is cutting herself.
She says she is transgender.
She may well be, but I also think she has ASD.
Luckily I had already asked for a referral re the ASD before the gender issues/cutting came to light.
How glad I am, as the waiting for CAMHS is taking so long.
My child must be so unhappy. I am worried for her future.
How will they manage to unpick all that?

HappyAxoltyl, my dd also had the gender issues and is very extreme about it. If I don't call her/them by the preferred pronouns I get a lecture. I hope CAMHS can help you.

We went to see a private therapist re CBT but dd refused to take it any further. She won't cooperate with anyone. CAMHS are seeing her again next week but they seem quite puzzled. Almost as if they think she's putting it on a little.

I never imagined we would go through all this. I am recovering from cancer surgeries and thought this year would be calmer. I am trying so hard to be understanding and not upset her as the two hour screaming melt downs are unbearable.

At least it's the holidays now and a break from trying to make her go to school.

Hi all, just wanted to say I hope your all having a good Easter holiday, with not too many dramas :) xx

Hi there Frustrated

Last week of term was dire: cutting, phone call from school saying I had to come and collect him as he was a danger to himself.
I think it was a reaction to the fluoxetine starting to work.

Thankfully, the holidays have been much better so far.

TAF meeting in the first week he goes back.

How are things going for your DD?

Hiya, the holidays been good actually, well mood wise anyway, haven't managed to get her out the house but her spirits been high, I see it starting to fade now tho... I mention that she needs to start getting earlier nights cos of school soon... Hmmm maybe wrong thing to say... But she's trying so hard to stay positive, it's good to see her taking a bit of control.
I hope your meeting goes well... And I hope the medication has eased into his system now :) x

Thank you, those words were just wanted I need to hear. I am having difficulties with my son knowing how to start to get him out of the hole that he has dug for himself. He is refusing to go to school and the school are trying to be helpful but it is not working and I am not sure what to do next.

Thanks for sharing all your stories. I just came on to update on DD. She has had 2 CBT sessions with the therapist now, the first was an assessment - she had to fill out a form first and it was so obvious she has General Anxiety Disorder it was staring me in the face!!
She is being very positive about her sessions, although the school holidays were 'easier' for her, she has been back 2 days and said she is going to be 'more relaxed' about her homework.
We are both very keen for it to work, she has another 6 sessions so am crossing fingers for her.