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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Would you let them stay in the same room?

182 replies

mears · 15/04/2006 18:08

My DS who is 16 yrs wants to have a moviethon (watch films all night) with his girlfriend who is 15. He asked if she could have a sleepover and I said yes as long as they slept in separate rooms. He said that spoiled the moviethon aspect and frankly he is really hurt because he thinks I don't trust him.

I said he needed to find out what her parents thought. They are OK with them being in the same room with different beds.

I have taled to his girlfriend and they really are so hurt that we even suggested that they should not be 'allowed' to stay in separate beds in the same room. 'Don't you trust us?' is their response.

I don't trust nature wanting to take over but they really are level headed. It is so sad that they think DH and I think so little of them, which rteally is not the case.

What do you lot think?

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 17/04/2006 17:45

I'd prob volunteer to drive her home after this moviethon (have memories of having to do this endlessly for my far younger sister when I'd learnt how to drive!).

I agree that if they want to do it, they'll prob find a way. Have you had the safe sex chat with him?

If her parents let him stay, then as long as you've had the safe sex chat I reckon you've done all you can.

I was this age (around 16) and boyf was 16 - we went out for over a year and looking back on it, it was a really good, positive experience. He wasn't allowed to stay over (and nor was I at his) so we did it during the day while our parents were out Blush. Tbh, I don't think it would have been a good idea to stay over as we prob would have been at it like rabbits (new trick and all that).

Maintain your standards and do your best with him so that he's fully informed of all the facts. That's all you can do really.

DominiConnor · 17/04/2006 17:57

I agree I've Rhubarb knows all sorts of things, but does she understand them ?
What do you call it when someone with a degree in a subject makes pronouncements on a topic which are clearly wrong to even to humble grunts like us, and relies upon bluster to convince the unwashed that it's true ?

Greensleeves · 17/04/2006 17:59

Oh, shut up DominiConnor. You're like a dog with a f*cking bone.

Rhubarb · 17/04/2006 18:11

DC, shut the feck up will you please? I said that your behaviour was that of an arsehole, you cannot file libel for a statement of someone's behaviour.

Start your own rant thread if you like, but there is not much point arguing with someone who has probably been sectioned therefore I shan't try.

DominiConnor · 17/04/2006 18:11

I eonder if GDG's DH and I reflect a male perspective on things ? I appear to be in the minority around here, in not wanting to fight the battle because I regard it as already lost ?

I suppose the next question might be. Of those who are up for the fight, who expects to win ?

I define "win" here as stopping these people having sex for (say) 3 months or until the girl turns 16 ?

JoolsToo · 17/04/2006 18:13

pompous arse

Greensleeves · 17/04/2006 18:14

No, DC, I don't think you are demonstrating a male perspective as a rule. There are some very intelligent and reasonable men on MN.

Rhubarb · 17/04/2006 18:14

careful JT, he'll quote libel law to you!

JoolsToo · 17/04/2006 18:15

What fight?

your child asks - may I share my bedroom with my girl/boyfriend

you reply - no you may not

end of - no discussion, no fight

lockets · 17/04/2006 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lockets · 17/04/2006 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves · 17/04/2006 18:18

Grin I can feel a POYT coming on.....

lou33 · 17/04/2006 18:23

At 15 i was doing everything but penetrative sex, but i did it at his house, he was 17. I waited til i could get to the gp to go on the pill before we had full sex and by then i was 16. I would be inclined to think that they would pretty much be guaranteed to have some form of sexual contact , staying in the room all night, regardless of what they say. If that makes you uncomfortable then say no, give your reasons and stick to them. If they want to have sex they will do it somewhere else, but that doesnt mean you have to let them do it in your house, especially while you are there.

I found it was always less fun doing it when my mum was in the house anyway, but by then i was 17 and she had given the ok for my bf to sleep in my room.

Dd1 was 14 the other day, she hasnt had a bf yet, but i know the time will come when i have to face this. I have a good get out clause tho, because she has to share a room with dd2.

CarolinaMooncup · 17/04/2006 18:24

tbh I remember thinking about/discussing having sex a hell of a lot with my boyf when I was 16, but there weren't actually that many opportunties IIRC. If we'd been allowed to sleep together, there would have been Smile.

I don't really buy this idea of not doing it in "dangerous" places if you have the chance to do it at home - I think at that age you're daft enough to do it where you might get caught and isn't it more fun that way? You're not going to think oh we won't do it behind this bush because we can have sex in bed tonight are you?

Sparklemagic · 17/04/2006 18:25

I have read some threads where dominiconnor has been involved and it's just so depressing how he brings an agressive and divisive tone to them.

I really think the way to deal with someone like this is to completely ignore what they post. That's my intention.

DominiConnor · 17/04/2006 20:11

Joolstoo may be right, experience will vary, I saw it in those terms ,and the blokes I've spoken to tend to have the same view as me.
Of course by "fight" I don't mean blows, I mean a mean a contest of wills over the 16 yo's sex life.

Teenagers of course aren't always very communicative, and the "fight" may just be brooding.

JoolsToo · 17/04/2006 20:22

I didn't think for one minute you meant 'blows' - what I'm saying is, if you make it clear the subject is not up for discussion there can be no battle of wills either.

I suppose it does depend on your personality - my kids knew that when we said 'No' (especially when dh said No!)they were on a hiding to nothing!

GDG · 17/04/2006 20:27

She's right! Grin

lockets · 17/04/2006 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GDG · 17/04/2006 20:36

me too - and actually, though no messing with Jools, MrJools you deffo do not want to cross!! Grin

I think dh's upbringing was way softer than mine so consequently he's softer on our kids than I am. He does discipline, don't get me wrong, but I'm deffo the stricter one.

Despite my parents being 'strict' if you like, we were, and still are, an amazingly close family and my brothers and I think our parents are fab. We are all going away on a family holiday in May - I don't know many 30 odd year olds that would go away with their parents!

I digress!

lockets · 17/04/2006 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoolsToo · 17/04/2006 20:47

Smile clear guidance and lots of love - a great combination!

GDG · 17/04/2006 21:17

Yeah, it's weird. I know a few people who have divorced parents who don't see the point in marriage - or they get married kind of thinking it's a real possibility it could end. Dh is the opposite and the very fact that his parents divorced meant he really took his vows seriously and is determined not to split up (he says Wink). Funny how certain things in life can make people respond in different ways.

We digress again!

mykidsmum · 17/04/2006 21:19

GDG your family sound like mine, we all go on a family holiday each year with my brother and sister and their partners Smile

GDG · 17/04/2006 21:20

Fab isn't it? We are all going to a gorgeous villa - mum, dad, my 2 brothers and me and me, dh and the boys. Really looking forward to it. My parents are relatively young and deffo not 'old fogies' so that helps!

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