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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Would you let them stay in the same room?

182 replies

mears · 15/04/2006 18:08

My DS who is 16 yrs wants to have a moviethon (watch films all night) with his girlfriend who is 15. He asked if she could have a sleepover and I said yes as long as they slept in separate rooms. He said that spoiled the moviethon aspect and frankly he is really hurt because he thinks I don't trust him.

I said he needed to find out what her parents thought. They are OK with them being in the same room with different beds.

I have taled to his girlfriend and they really are so hurt that we even suggested that they should not be 'allowed' to stay in separate beds in the same room. 'Don't you trust us?' is their response.

I don't trust nature wanting to take over but they really are level headed. It is so sad that they think DH and I think so little of them, which rteally is not the case.

What do you lot think?

OP posts:
Original poster
mears · 15/04/2006 22:37

Also DS used the argument about his best friend staying - how did I know he wasn't gay. I told him not to be so bloody cheeky.

OP posts:
Original poster
mears · 15/04/2006 22:39

LOL Rhubarb. I did think that if I let her stay I would keep popping upstairs when they least expected it Grin

The more I think about it, the more I am determined to say no to sleeping in the same room.

OP posts:
Caligula · 15/04/2006 22:43

Grin Oh I love the one about how d'you know he's not gay. Clever boy!

harpsichordcarrier · 15/04/2006 22:47

the answer is I probably would let them sleep together because if they are going to have sex I would rather they did it under my roof
than in all the erm interesting places I found....
but then again I have girls....
and it is a long way off......
and dh would never agree to it......

Piffle · 15/04/2006 22:48

I am in a wee majority of one... have to say I concur with what dominiconnor said
From experience as a teen with a mum who allowed me the safety of home if I needed it. had plenty of boys and girl friends back, but I did not ever have sex there... with my mum i the house? Shock
even now in my own house, I'm 35 with 2 kids... I still worry about her over hearing when she stays

Original poster
mears · 15/04/2006 22:55

Is there anything wrong with having sex in interesting places? Does it remove the excitement if you can just do it in your own home?

One of my friend allows her 17 year old son to sleep with his girlfriend in his room. She knows thay are having sex. She is on the pill and he uses condoms. They have been going out for a while. I was shocked when she told me this last week. She used the argument that she would rather they enjoyed sex in a safe environment than in secret places. However I am not sure that at 17 yrs you really know what you are doing. I first had sex at 17 yrs - didn't really enjoy it that much - pleased my boyfriend more than me!

My dilemma is not whether to agree to them having sex - I have been emphatic in saying that is not on.

The dilemma is whether they can watch movies overnight!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
mears · 15/04/2006 22:56

Thanks for the male perspective dominiconnor

OP posts:
kid · 15/04/2006 22:56

tell them they can stay in the same room as long as they leave the door open!

My children are only 7 and 4 and according to them, they never want a girlfriend or boyfriend. I've asked DS if I can record him sayiny that!

hunkermunker · 15/04/2006 22:57

If he leaves the door to his room open and lets you come in with popcorn at regular intervals throughout the night, he's welcome to have her stay over.

(Can you tell my oldest DS is two?!)

cataloguequeen · 15/04/2006 22:59

I was allowed both girls and boys too.. but with boys I was in separate room and I didn't loose mine at home either.

marthamoo · 15/04/2006 23:00

Bless him. Mears, I used the "how do you know I'm not gay?" argument when my parents wouldn't even let me have my boyfriend in my room (we had to stay downstairs - in the living room) yet allowed me to have girlfriends over for sleepovers.

I wouldn't let her stay overnight in his room. They may not intend to have sex but given the opportunity in that way - alone all night in the same room? Well I do remember teenage hormones. And she's underage.

Oh I don't know - it's a tough one. I remember being mightily pissed off when my parents wouldn't let me even take my bf upstairs (seems archaic now) and I tried all the same arguments your ds has - you don't trust me, nothing will happen, and - as mentioned - I could be gay. They didn't budge. I was mad as hell - but I think I kind of respected them for it too (or maybe that's just old age and hindsight...)

I mean, if they intend having sex they will find an opportunity, won't they? But that's different to giving them a very tempting opportunity and them getting carried away and doing it almost by accident, isn't it? Does that make sense?

Oh, I am not looking forward to my boys being teens...

harpsichordcarrier · 15/04/2006 23:02

yes sorry mears I know my post was OT but I was just answering your original question - would I let them stay in the same room? answer, yes, but I would absolutely expect them to have sex.
I also used to say to my mother - why do you think we will only have sex after dark?? what about during the day? why is it ok for us to be alone together during the day.
know all bitch that I was (am Grin)

Original poster
mears · 15/04/2006 23:02

That makes total sense to me Marthamoo - that is my dilemma.

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 15/04/2006 23:03

lol HC!

zebraz · 15/04/2006 23:05

DH was 22 and the first time I stayed at his, MIL insisted that I sleep in a separate room (I was 29, btw!). This is less than 10 years ago.
I remember a previous boyf.'s mum doing this, too, when I was 25 and her son was 30-something(!).

I think I would do what I was most comfortable with, which would def. involve separate rooms, at least while she's still under 16.
Your house, your rules.

mykidsmum · 15/04/2006 23:06

I used to stay at my bf's house I was 15 he was 18 and do you know what because we were trusted by our parents we respected that and did not have sex Shock

Original poster
mears · 15/04/2006 23:07

HC - your answer wasn't OT at all. I keep thinking all thses things too....

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 15/04/2006 23:08

I would tell him that you will know if he has sex with her because you will hear them.

That'll scare them.

kid · 15/04/2006 23:09

When is this sleep over planned for?

hunkermunker · 15/04/2006 23:10

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=49&threadid=164587\Mears, if you have a mo can you give Colditz a bit of advice - she's nine days overdue and might be in early labour? Thank you!}

marthamoo · 15/04/2006 23:12

Oh good, mears - I know it doesn't help, but I'm glad it made sense!

I think ultimately zebra's right: your house, your rules.

Harpsi, you sound like a right smart arse - I was too. I remember saying "God, you're so old fashioned...like we need a bed..we could do it on the floor in the living room, you know?"

(I actually had no intention of having sex with that boyfriend and didn't lose my virginity for another two years..I just was making a point and being a total PITA Grin Sorry Mum. Sorry Dad.)

hunkermunker · 15/04/2006 23:13

Ohhhhhhhhhhh have just realised that two little boys with my genes will one day be teenagers...

spacedonkey · 15/04/2006 23:14

I love my teenagers! (well one isn't a teenager until september but ykwim)

marthamoo · 15/04/2006 23:16

Well they do say what goes around comes around, hunker.

(My boys are never having sex. I saw a cartoon once where this brazen harlot is undressing a bloke and she sees his underpants and stops dead. He goes "oh...sorry, my Mum buys my underwear" and on the front of his pants it says "HANDS OFF YOU HUSSY, HE'S MINE!")

hunkermunker · 15/04/2006 23:17

Think I might just sew their pants to their vests when they're 14. LOVE the slogan you saw, Moo - rofl!