How DO you get the message through to your teen that THIS IS IT they have ONE CHANCE to try their hardest at school

[cyb]

Because my D (nearly16) just does not get it.

La la la , yes I'll do it tomorrow, no on else is doing it, it DOESNT MATTER MUM, I've got ages before it has to be handed in, I'll do it when I've finished that other thing,I've lost the piece of paper la la la if I hear ONE MORE airy fairy wafty reason why she can't do her work .....

She's a clever girl, really clever and I think that's part of the problem, she can coast in subjects and do well but others are slipping.

She's part of an intervention programme her school have initiated to support girls who aren't achieveing their potential and even serious chats from head of years or Deputy heads only seem to elicit the same nods and 'yes I' will's' that never materialise.

TELL ME WHAT TO DO

cyb

i totally understand your dilema and use of the phrases "last chance" or "one chance" and "why dont they get it".

i have an almost 15 yr old boy and as much as i love him and hes a good guy on the whole, he is so lazy at times and procrastinates with everything from room tidying to doing homework. he is always on iphone, ipod, laptop, xbox and then snaps at me for suggesting he meets a friend in town.i dont get it. he has every opportunity but hes definately going through a typical teenager phase which im doing my best to ride out.

anyway, he has his prelims coming up in december and ive told him that after the october week (this week, we are in scotland) he must start studying for at least an hour every school night, on top of homework thats to be done. if i see him working ive said we will consider getting him pet rats, as requested, for his bday in dec. (the bribe bit). we also say that we will drive him around and give him decent pocket money as long as he works hard in class and at homework time. weekends are free for now.

they dont get it. i didnt get it either, but i learned the hard way. i had him young and then had to go to a lesser college to get more highers in order to get into university to do my teaching degree. i only managed cause i had very supportive parents, financially and physically. so for those who say exam results dont matter, i dont believe in that at all. and even if it is true in a few cases, its not something we want to advertise to our teens, i believe he would do far less work if he thought he could make it on luck and good personality alone.

so my advise is keep being there for the teen, keep trying to stay connected to them. persevere. but dont smother them. and keep insisting on some work being done. we have seen an improvement since august. weve stressed that this is a big year (4th yr). its still hard though. good luck. didnt mean to be that long!

oh gosh had to go back and find this thread

ds (Y10) supposed to be doing some prep for controlled assessment in English- 15% of his total result. It's tomorrow (school let us in on that one last Wednesday. Thanks, school )

can you do your plan? no, it's at school. What about in your book? no, it's at school (it's been at our house since last thurs- he was at his dad's for the weekend). A very mild prompt to "go and just do a bit of reading, then, in case you see something you've missed already" resulted in a massive screaming tantrum and "I don't care, I'm not going to do any work, GCSEs are all bollocks, man, I'll just go and live on the streets"

this is the first piece of exam work he's going to have to do over the next two years

I can't stand it

screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam

oh dear, sounds familiar.

however, this is so ironic after what i wrote a few hours ago but me and my son actually just sat in kitchen together there doing a jigsaw (not planned, he just joined in) and we were just chatting for 1 1/2 hours!!??

it was lovely! i dont know what just happened but im just going with it for now. wow.

Glad this thread still up and running. Things much calmer here now. She is definitely realising she has to work to beocme what she wants to become

I might start a new one about dispondent 10 year old boys next.....

mine's fourteen

he has no idea what he wants to be

this, I think, might be The Problem

hmmmmmm

spring, my 14 yr old doesnt know either. hes very arty which is great but has no idea what career to pursue in it. 14s a bit young though to know i think. i say to him one year at a time. this year - get good standard grades. thats all for now. the nest yr itll be highers, the next choosing a uni etc but i dont tell him thats my grand plan for him. dont want to overwhelm him. it would seem like a mountain to climb but if you take it bit by bit you get through it, like anything in life.

it does seem so hard, though

was saying last night to dp- I was quite keen at school but I think I would have probably been overwhelmed by the system they have now- doing little bits of gcses all the way through Y10 and 11 (that's 4th and 5th year)

we used to have two years of learning then a month of exams at the end of it. I thought it was awful, but the drip-drip-drip of assessments, early exams etc seems worse

unless am just being overprotective mummy

well if it helps you any im a teacher in a high school and most of us teachers feel its a good thing. because its fresh in their minds (if theyre 'getting it' when in class). ie they learn something and then get tested on it shortly afterwards. but they still need to study what theyve learned for 2 years for the final exams at the end of 4th yr.

youre obviously a good mum anyway because youre worried and thinking about it. i see plenty parents who couldnt care less. infact, i dont see them, they dont turn up for parents night. those are the kids who have little chance.