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Original poster

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos

159 replies

Carolinesyear · 28/10/2021 15:24

My best friend is getting married in the summer and it's to be the dream wedding, she is taking it all very seriously. She is to have 4 bridesmaids one of whom is her fiancé's sister, said sister loves body art and they have been getting progressively larger and more over the top, the latest one is HUGE, takes up her entire arm, it is a coloured one of a celebrity (I attach a photo of a similar tattoo but not the same, just for scale)
My friend wants to ask her future SIL to cover her arms for the wedding as she thinks they'll ruin the photos, ie with a sleeved dress or belero. I feel this is a bit bride-zilla of her but kind of get her point about the photos. I thought this would be an interesting Mumsnet question
Is she being unreasonable?
Hehe let rip!

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos
OP posts:
Wombat49 · 28/10/2021 17:40

@Goblina

I love tattoos and have many.

But I wouldn't want a badly done portrait of the late paedo MJ in my wedding photos!

Yep, that sums it up.

Assume it's a different Celeb?

onelittlefrog · 28/10/2021 17:40

I feel like if she can't accept the tattoo then she probably shouldn't ask her to be a bridesmaid.

It's a bit of a backhanded compliment to ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then tell them to cover up a part of themselves.

shepabear · 28/10/2021 17:40

I don't understand the argument 'it will ruin the photos' at all - surely the photos are to document who was there and to capture the vibe of the day, not to have everyone look immaculate and perfect? She's important enough to be a bridesmaid so I think the bride should just accept who she is and what she looks like and not care about whether the tattoo is visible. Unless it's a tattoo of Jimmy Saville of course... then she might have a point!

Odile13 · 28/10/2021 17:41

She shouldn’t ask her SiL to cover up the tattoos. If you ask someone to be your bridesmaid you have to accept that they are who they are. You can’t control everybody else. When planning a wedding, sometimes ridiculous things like this start to seem really important. In a few years time the wedding album will barely be looked at anyway. It really isn’t a big deal.

crikeycrumbsblimey · 28/10/2021 17:41

I’ve seen a Gary glitter tattoo before now….

Seemssounfair · 28/10/2021 17:42

If the bride doesn't want the tattoo seen she needs to choose and pay for the dresses (or choose another bridesmaid).

Changemusthappen · 28/10/2021 17:42

I don't like tattoos at all, I think they are ugly. I can't believe a poster compared a tattoo to wearing glasses!

Anyway, f it were me I would ensure they all had the same long sleeved dresses, she has made it very difficult to control this giving them free reign on what they wear. I assume this is because she doesn't want to pay for them? I do agree with another poster that just saying blue and white could give a completely different selection of dresses, which will look mish mash anyway so in a way what does it matter!

The other thing she could do is limit the number of photos with the bridesmaids and tell the photographer to get them to stand so that they are as covered as possible.

TheDuchessOfDork · 28/10/2021 17:43

Reminds me of the time a 'friend' asked my daughter to be a flower girl (aged 5) but then said she'd have to remove her glasses for the ceremony (incl walking down the aisle!) and photos.

Said child cannot see well without glasses, and is autistic so does not cope well with not being able to see properly.

Friend was properly put out when I said no, this wasn't going to be possible. She then asked me if I'd buy a new pair that 'matched' her theme (child's glasses were plain and neutral not bright pink or anything)

Again, no.

Child was not a flower girl and we did not go to the wedding after friend got in a huge huff about it.

We're no longer friends.

OP I also think that tattoo is grim I don't like them really but you can't ask someone to change something like this. Either she comes as she is or she's not a bridesmaid. If I had a problem with the tattoos I wouldn't have asked her in the first place! Bit late now.

Goawaymorningsickeness · 28/10/2021 17:47

Who the heck would want that monstrosity, or anything similar on their wedding pics.

Couchbettato · 28/10/2021 17:48

If I were the bride I'd have the tattoos edited out of the photo. I wouldn't dictate what a BM can or can't wear and I'd make sure that the BM got copies of the photos unedited.

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 17:51

@Couchbettato

If I were the bride I'd have the tattoos edited out of the photo. I wouldn't dictate what a BM can or can't wear and I'd make sure that the BM got copies of the photos unedited.
Would you also edit out anything else you find unsavoury about people's looks?
Diverseopinions · 28/10/2021 17:56

We'll, she's made the decision to let them choose their dresses, so it won't be easy to do the long sleeve rule.

The right thing will be to say nothing, as things stand.

Hathertonhariden · 28/10/2021 17:58

Assume the celeb is Sean Bean.

As she is presumably the only person with visible tats in the bridal party, they will really stand out in the photos. If you ask everyone to wear long sleeves it is fairly obvious why you are asking that unless it's a winter wedding. I think the only solution is to get the photographer to position her discretely so that it's not visible.

I had SIL as a bridesmaid not because I wanted to but because MIL was insistant that she got an opportunity to be one for the first time. SIL was the golden child and indulged by the whole family. Now ex-ILs thank god.

pinkyredrose · 28/10/2021 18:17

They used to be associated with sailors or convicts, and totally unacceptable on women in polite society!
Even five years ago, before I retired as a doctor, some of my colleagues referred to tattoos on the lower back, (where we wanted to insert epidurals) as “tramp stamps”.

Oh the irony.

SpiceRat · 28/10/2021 18:21

Bridesmaids aren’t your bloody walking props. You ask someone to bridesmaid because you love them and want them to be part of your day, not to look good in photos. Imagine saying to someone “can you cover up this scar it’ll ruin photos” or “can you lose weight, you’ll ruin photos”

WonderfulYou · 28/10/2021 18:33

If the bride doesn't want the tattoo seen she needs to choose and pay for the dresses (or choose another bridesmaid).

I agree.
If she was so concerned about what they looked like in the photos then she should have brought them all identical dresses which she knew would have covered up tattoos and anything else she didn’t want seen.

WeeTattieBogle · 28/10/2021 18:43

Op, I’d buy the bridesmaids dresses even if none of them had tattoos for the simple reason they shouldn’t be out of pocket because I’m getting married. However, I’d also do it to make sure they looked as I wanted them to look on the day.

And as for hiding tattoos? it wouldn’t be a problem because I wouldn’t chose anyone with a tattoo to be my bridesmaid in the first place - unless they were from a culture where it was the norm to be tattooed and they really did look magnificent.

My Samoan friend has the most beautiful tattoo on her legs and when you see what a proper tattoo should like nothing else will do.

WeeTattieBogle · 28/10/2021 18:44

@pinkyredrose

They used to be associated with sailors or convicts, and totally unacceptable on women in polite society! Even five years ago, before I retired as a doctor, some of my colleagues referred to tattoos on the lower back, (where we wanted to insert epidurals) as “tramp stamps”.

Oh the irony.

All I can say is that I hope that like you your friends are retired
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 28/10/2021 18:46

That picture makes this post and you and your bride to be friend pretty identifying if that is the bridesmaid’s tattoo?

BurbageBrook · 28/10/2021 18:50

God, threads like this remind me how shallow some people are! Your friend is BU.

DriftingBlue · 28/10/2021 18:52

Reasonable option 1: the bride specifies everyone cover their arms

Reasonable option 2: she doesn’t ask this woman to be a bridesmaid

Both those options are passed. At this point I would just live with it. I’m currently debating with myself whether or not it is ok to ask the photographer to photoshop a photo to two just for the album for the bride and groom.

Couchbettato · 28/10/2021 18:57

@TheBlackHeart, if it was for my personal collection then I'd edit what I damn well wanted. The bridesmaids can have the unedited versions.

Who wouldn't edit out a badly done pedo Michael Jackson out of their wedding photos???

Honestly not something I'd want to remember on the happiest day of my life.

AntoniaNickNacks · 28/10/2021 19:00

The real life tattoo isn't MJ though, according to op. It's someone inoffensive (I think).

jackiebenimble · 28/10/2021 19:13

She can ask. But i suspect her sister in law will be very offended and it will ruin their relationship. If you pick someone with an edgy image-its up to them if they adapt that for the day.

Its supposed to be about having the people you love around you. Not the photos.

Why should SIL change herself. Would you ask someone to lose weight?

Awful!

rrhuth · 28/10/2021 19:19

The bride is BU.