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Original poster

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos

159 replies

Carolinesyear · 28/10/2021 15:24

My best friend is getting married in the summer and it's to be the dream wedding, she is taking it all very seriously. She is to have 4 bridesmaids one of whom is her fiancé's sister, said sister loves body art and they have been getting progressively larger and more over the top, the latest one is HUGE, takes up her entire arm, it is a coloured one of a celebrity (I attach a photo of a similar tattoo but not the same, just for scale)
My friend wants to ask her future SIL to cover her arms for the wedding as she thinks they'll ruin the photos, ie with a sleeved dress or belero. I feel this is a bit bride-zilla of her but kind of get her point about the photos. I thought this would be an interesting Mumsnet question
Is she being unreasonable?
Hehe let rip!

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos
OP posts:
NoDecentHandlesLeft · 28/10/2021 15:53

Bride should have considered this before asking them to choose their own. She is being unreasonable to change that now. She should have specified long sleeves at the start, or chosen her own dresses to her tastes.
Only way now is to call the SIL and ask her to cover them up. I doubt she'll be very happy.

traveltheworld1986 · 28/10/2021 15:57

My bridesmaid had 2 full sleeves of tattoos when I got married but I would never ask her to hide them, they are part of her appearance and her personality. I would never ask someone to hide them, it's like asking someone to lose weight!

AiryFairy1 · 28/10/2021 15:57

Mr Bean - please let the tat be of Mr Bean Grin

I think Bride is going to have to leave her future SIL be or vent her frustrations privately for the sake of the relationship.

It was a very sunny day for my wedding and all the groomsmen insisted on wearing sunglasses for all the photos, I was silently fuming, especially when one said Oh it'll be cool to see what style of sunnies we wore at the time... and he was wrong, as many years later I still can't give a shiny rat's ass about the style of sunnies at the time and would rather they were all squinting like vampires in the setting sun, as was I and my lovely vampire bridemaids Grin

sageandbasil · 28/10/2021 16:00

She Is being unreasonable. My MOH asked me if I wanted her to cover up her tattoos at my wedding I said of course not. Ifs her body and incredible bridezilla to ask her to cover them.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 28/10/2021 16:00

Your friend is being silly.

Notaroadrunner · 28/10/2021 16:03

She's being unreasonable. I have tattoos and if I was asked to cover them up I'd just decline to be bridesmaid. Take me as I am or don't bother asking me to be bridesmaid if you're that worried about your wedding photos.

BorderlineHappy · 28/10/2021 16:04

Shes being very u.
She should have brought up the subject or thought more of it before she asked her.
And i say that as someone with tattoos,including my hand.

Triffid1 · 28/10/2021 16:04

Your friend absolutely cannot ask her to cover them up. As pp have pointed out - if she did that, would she also tell bridesmaids what hair colour they should have or if they can wear glasses?

If she felt so strongly her options were to either NOT invite SIL to be a bridesmaid OR to choose the dresses for all participants. It's too late now.

Thefartingsofaofdenmarkstreet · 28/10/2021 16:07

Well, I do think it kind of depends who the tattoo is of - I wouldn't want MJ in my wedding photos, but another celebrity I wouldn't mind as much.

I'm totally intrigued as to who the celeb is, can you give any more clues? Smile

Abneyandteal19 · 28/10/2021 16:10

If her dress doesn't have sleeves already - have a quiet word with the photographer- if they were any good they'll have dealt with this kind of thing before and will position her accordingly.

My grandad was very frail at my wedding but didn't want anyone to know/admit it. Had a quiet word with photographer who did all his photos first and used some chairs for various guests 'happening' to include grandad and all was well. No one was any the wiser and we have lovely photos.

MedusasBadHairDay · 28/10/2021 16:10

@riotlady

No, I think it’s very offensive to tell someone they will “ruin photos” by looking like themselves! Either you like the person as they are or you don’t ask them to be a bridesmaid
This. If she's really worried about how the wedding photos will look then maybe she should just skip having people she cares about as bridesmaids and hire models instead.
dworky · 28/10/2021 16:13

I don't think it is acceptable really.

Regardless of what anyone thinks, it's part of her. Either have her as a bridesmaid or don't.

TwistMyOlive · 28/10/2021 16:15

Can they al have very short purple hair too?
Either the bride wants her to be a bridesmaid or not, the tattoo shouldn’t be an issue

TractorAndHeadphones · 28/10/2021 16:15

Get the photographer to position her appropriately

Babdoc · 28/10/2021 16:20

I am retired, so maybe have a different view of tattoos to the current generation of brides/bridesmaids, but I think my relatives would have been horrified by seeing them in wedding photos.
They used to be associated with sailors or convicts, and totally unacceptable on women in polite society!
Even five years ago, before I retired as a doctor, some of my colleagues referred to tattoos on the lower back, (where we wanted to insert epidurals) as “tramp stamps”.
Surely as it’s the bride’s big day, she gets to call the shots on what she wants in her photos? I’d either get the bridesmaid to cover them, or check with the photographer in advance that he could edit them out digitally.

Fink · 28/10/2021 16:24

Since the decision to let them choose their own dresses has already been made it's too late to ask her to wear something with sleeves. Just speak to the photographer and ask him/her to position the bridesmaids so that the sleeve isn't on show in the photos (e.g. other side). Obviously some of her other tattoos will be on show, but she can't do much about that.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/10/2021 16:25

Absolute lol at some of the comments on here. And suggestions of a bolero or long gloves? 2001 called and wants its fashion back pls

Pbbananabagel · 28/10/2021 16:29

Asking her to cover is unreasonable however, she can have a discrete word with her photographer and ask her to position the bridesmaids in a way that partially conceals their arms - there’s lots of lovely pics of BM’s with arms around each other or linked together so she won’t have whoever it is staring out of her main pics. I’m speaking as a tattooed bride with tattooed bridesmaids myself. And I loved our ink in full colour.

Pbbananabagel · 28/10/2021 16:30

Haha @Fink great minds!

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 16:32

@dworky

I don't think it is acceptable really. Regardless of what anyone thinks, it's part of her. Either have her as a bridesmaid or don't.
Basically this.

It's pretty fucking rude to be honest.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 28/10/2021 16:34

Bridesmaids are meant to be your closest friends and support. It doesn’t matter what they have on their arms (or elsewhere) if they are meant to be part of your favourite group of people. So she is either having the fiancé’s sister because she feels she should or she’s genuinely close to her and it doesn’t matter because she should cherish that relationship kore than photos. If she’s having the sister as bridesmaid because she feels she should, then the sister can still turn up to the wedding with the tattoo on display anyway. Asking her to cover it up may mean the sister chooses not to be a bridesmaid and decides to show up in a dress that still shows the tattoo anyway.

FreeBritnee · 28/10/2021 16:34

Could she ask the photographer to either arrange the photos so she was easily crop- outable. Or just pay to have the tattoos photoshopped out.

TatianaBis · 28/10/2021 16:37

@Carolinesyear

Hehe it's not M.J but not someone like the usual Marilyn Monroe. Think... mr bean. I don't want to be too specific as I'm worried it gets outed somehow
What Rowan Atkinson?

Options: 1. Don't ask her to be a bridesmaid 2. Have everyone in sleeves or 3. Put up with the tattoos.

AosSi · 28/10/2021 16:38

@FreeBritnee

Could she ask the photographer to either arrange the photos so she was easily crop- outable. Or just pay to have the tattoos photoshopped out.
That's hardly going to go down well with the bridesmaid though if she visits and sees the Photoshop? Unless she's made aware in advance and it just comes back to the same problem again.
AosSi · 28/10/2021 16:39

Although tbf bride wouldn't have to display the photos. But I feel someone that gets so worked up about a tattoo in a photo will want to be able to whip the pic out, post on social media etc etc. All about appearances.