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Original poster

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos

159 replies

Carolinesyear · 28/10/2021 15:24

My best friend is getting married in the summer and it's to be the dream wedding, she is taking it all very seriously. She is to have 4 bridesmaids one of whom is her fiancé's sister, said sister loves body art and they have been getting progressively larger and more over the top, the latest one is HUGE, takes up her entire arm, it is a coloured one of a celebrity (I attach a photo of a similar tattoo but not the same, just for scale)
My friend wants to ask her future SIL to cover her arms for the wedding as she thinks they'll ruin the photos, ie with a sleeved dress or belero. I feel this is a bit bride-zilla of her but kind of get her point about the photos. I thought this would be an interesting Mumsnet question
Is she being unreasonable?
Hehe let rip!

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos
OP posts:
PhoboPhobia · 28/10/2021 16:40

@Babdoc

I am retired, so maybe have a different view of tattoos to the current generation of brides/bridesmaids, but I think my relatives would have been horrified by seeing them in wedding photos. They used to be associated with sailors or convicts, and totally unacceptable on women in polite society! Even five years ago, before I retired as a doctor, some of my colleagues referred to tattoos on the lower back, (where we wanted to insert epidurals) as “tramp stamps”. Surely as it’s the bride’s big day, she gets to call the shots on what she wants in her photos? I’d either get the bridesmaid to cover them, or check with the photographer in advance that he could edit them out digitally.
It's nothing to do with age - Judy Dench has tatoos and countless other older people.

Your post reeks of snobbery and stereotypes.

If she didn't want the tattoos in her wedding photos, she should have thought about it before asking her SIL to be a breidesmaid.

I think all the angst about some body art is completely bridezilla.

FreeBritnee · 28/10/2021 16:41

Most people havetheir wedding photos in a book. Any that go on the wall tend to be bride and groom.

TrickyD · 28/10/2021 16:43

I am with you, Babdoc

“They used to be associated with sailors or convicts”

I used to work in a prison and the vast majority of our inmates has tattoos. Definitely put me off for life, even if I had been inclined to have one, which I most certainly would not.

I hate to see a bride in a beautiful dress with random bits of tattoo peeping out where the dress is not covering them and I would not want to see tats in my wedding photos or those of my family.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2021 16:45

The only acceptable options are to not have her as a bridesmaid or every bridesmaid wears long sleeves.

I absolutely hate tattoos like that, and hell would freeze over before I'd have them in my wedding photos, but it's totally inappropriate to ask her to cover them. They are a part of her and she likes them and that needs to be respected.

nordica · 28/10/2021 16:46

I guess it comes down to whether she prefers to have bridesmaids who look a certain way, or to have people who are special to her as her bridesmaids.

I have tattoos (no portraits though) and wouldn't as such mind being asked to cover them up for photos, for example with some kind of a jacket/bolero type thing that I could then take off - but on the other hand, if they're looking for a specific "look" for your photos then I'd rather not be a bridesmaid. The tattoos are part of the person in the same way as their body shape, hair colour etc. I've seen lots of wedding photos where all the bridesmaids are tall and slim with long hair though and can't help thinking that's why they were chosen.

HauntedVag · 28/10/2021 16:46

They used to be associated with sailors or convicts, and totally unacceptable on women in polite society!

🤣🤣

LaetitiaASD · 28/10/2021 16:48

@Carolinesyear

My best friend is getting married in the summer and it's to be the dream wedding, she is taking it all very seriously. She is to have 4 bridesmaids one of whom is her fiancé's sister, said sister loves body art and they have been getting progressively larger and more over the top, the latest one is HUGE, takes up her entire arm, it is a coloured one of a celebrity (I attach a photo of a similar tattoo but not the same, just for scale) My friend wants to ask her future SIL to cover her arms for the wedding as she thinks they'll ruin the photos, ie with a sleeved dress or belero. I feel this is a bit bride-zilla of her but kind of get her point about the photos. I thought this would be an interesting Mumsnet question Is she being unreasonable? Hehe let rip!
I think that the friend needs to work out her priorities and proceed accordingly. Tattoo free photos. Not offending future SIL. Having SIL as a bridesmaid. Where do these aims lie in terms of priority?

Personally I don't think that it is unreasonable to say "it's my special day, I don't want tatts in the photos". But obviously saying this risks someone who has chosen to get tatts getting offended that others don't like their tatts.

It is interesting though. No-one would demand the right to stand there in the brides photos waving a flag with celion dion's face on it... yet someone shows considerably less judgement (the face is stamped on permanantly, not waved on a flag) yet they would almost certainly claim victimhood status if they were told to stay out of the photos because celion dion's face is not wanted.

LaetitiaASD · 28/10/2021 16:49

@nordica

I guess it comes down to whether she prefers to have bridesmaids who look a certain way, or to have people who are special to her as her bridesmaids.

I have tattoos (no portraits though) and wouldn't as such mind being asked to cover them up for photos, for example with some kind of a jacket/bolero type thing that I could then take off - but on the other hand, if they're looking for a specific "look" for your photos then I'd rather not be a bridesmaid. The tattoos are part of the person in the same way as their body shape, hair colour etc. I've seen lots of wedding photos where all the bridesmaids are tall and slim with long hair though and can't help thinking that's why they were chosen.

Yep... or that's how the friends are chosen, which is maybe worse!
ElftonWednesday · 28/10/2021 16:49

I wouldn't even pick someone with visible tattoos with a bridesmaid dress. However striking they are, it just looks chavvy and awful with a classic dress, I hate it. And I don't care how fashionable or mainstream they are now.

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 16:49

@TrickyD

I am with you, Babdoc

“They used to be associated with sailors or convicts”

I used to work in a prison and the vast majority of our inmates has tattoos. Definitely put me off for life, even if I had been inclined to have one, which I most certainly would not.

I hate to see a bride in a beautiful dress with random bits of tattoo peeping out where the dress is not covering them and I would not want to see tats in my wedding photos or those of my family.

Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Are you really trying to say that you associate tattoos with criminals?

It's like the 1950s on here sometimes.

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 16:50

@ElftonWednesday

I wouldn't even pick someone with visible tattoos with a bridesmaid dress. However striking they are, it just looks chavvy and awful with a classic dress, I hate it. And I don't care how fashionable or mainstream they are now.
Oh, it was only a matter of time before 'chavvy' was rolled out 😂
Chachachawoo · 28/10/2021 16:51

She can't say anything it will ruin their relationship.
It's not my idea of ideal wedding aesthetic (or my taste at all) but there is no chance the sil wont be offended if she is asked to cover up.
The only solution is to have everyone in the same sleeved dress or just accept that the tattoos will be on display and it doesn't really matter as much as keeping the peace...

Viviennemary · 28/10/2021 16:53

She could wear that heavy body make-up to cover the tattoos if she wants to wear a short sleeved dress. The first thing everyone going to see in those photos are the tattoos.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/10/2021 16:53

No she can’t ask that. It’s same as asking to dye hair blonde or lose 3 stone. To cover a tattoo like that properly so it doesn’t rub off on dress would need specialist camouflage makeup. She should have either not asked her or chosen long sleeved dresses.

Craftycorvid · 28/10/2021 16:54

Ooh, tricky! I have a large tattoo on my shoulder which would be very obvious in a low-cut or bustier top dress. In the unlikely event someone asked me to be their bridesmaid, I’d tell them about my body art and ask if they’d like me to cover it. That said, I cannot imagine being the bride and asking a bunch of individual humans to all turn up to my do wearing what amounts to a uniform in tulle. That could be my misgivings about traditional weddings, but there’s something about signing up as bridesmaid to essentially wear what the bride wants for a day. On that basis, I would not be offended if conforming to the ‘look’ meant covering a tattoo (mine’s a bit noticeably Pagan so could be a conversation stopper in church in any case!)

CallMeNutribullet · 28/10/2021 16:55

Is it a tattoo of Alan Partridge? If so she's a legend

RubyKitty · 28/10/2021 16:57

Don’t say anything but hope the dress chosen has sleeves. Maybe just ask the photographer to discreetly position said bridesmaid so the tats on show are minimal

peboh · 28/10/2021 16:57

Whilst I agree that tattoo isn't the best, I couldn't in good conscience ask somebody to cover up a tattoo. I'd say it's equal to asking someone to change their hair colour, take their glasses off, lose some weight.
All that will happen is she's going to cause a lot of unnecessary drama between herself and her in laws.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/10/2021 17:01

@Soubriquet

She is being unreasonable

Those tattoos are a part of her SIL now. It would be like telling her not to wear glasses or having to dye her hair a particular colour for her own benefit

I got told off for having highlights when the bride already had 2 blonde bridesmaids.
2bazookas · 28/10/2021 17:01

She's being completely unreasonable.

SirenSays · 28/10/2021 17:03

I wouldn't ask someone to cover them up, I think that's a bit rude. They'll likely have loads of photos where they aren't visible anyway. I did however choose to have all of my tattoos in places on my body where they wouldn't be seen in my wedding dress so I do understand the brides pov.

HauntedVag · 28/10/2021 17:06

Chavvy! 🛎🎉🛎🎉

CallMeNutribullet · 28/10/2021 17:07

It's really quite surprising (and depressing) to me the number of people who care more about having their wedding photos look a certain way, than having the most important people in them

HauntedVag · 28/10/2021 17:07

@CallMeNutribullet

Is it a tattoo of Alan Partridge? If so she's a legend

I'll have her as a bridesmaid and I don't even know her.

Faevern · 28/10/2021 17:08

@Carolinesyear

All the bridesmaids were to pick their own dresses but all to be shades of blue and white. I've already got mine but it does happen to have sleeves
If she is giving free reign on the dresses why is she worried about a tattoo, the dresses could be a total mishmash and ruin every single photo.