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Original poster

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos

159 replies

Carolinesyear · 28/10/2021 15:24

My best friend is getting married in the summer and it's to be the dream wedding, she is taking it all very seriously. She is to have 4 bridesmaids one of whom is her fiancé's sister, said sister loves body art and they have been getting progressively larger and more over the top, the latest one is HUGE, takes up her entire arm, it is a coloured one of a celebrity (I attach a photo of a similar tattoo but not the same, just for scale)
My friend wants to ask her future SIL to cover her arms for the wedding as she thinks they'll ruin the photos, ie with a sleeved dress or belero. I feel this is a bit bride-zilla of her but kind of get her point about the photos. I thought this would be an interesting Mumsnet question
Is she being unreasonable?
Hehe let rip!

AIBU to ask bridesmaid to hide her tattoos
OP posts:
TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 17:09

@HauntedVag

Chavvy! 🛎🎉🛎🎉
Bingo!
WonderfulYou · 28/10/2021 17:09

I don’t have any tattoos but I’d never ask someone to cover up theirs.
I would be offended if someone did sbd I wouldn’t be their bridesmaid. Having tattoos will not impact the wedding in any way.

MagicWorkout · 28/10/2021 17:09

It's quite unusual to have SIL as BM so she could easily have not included her, but as she has, no she can't ask her to cover up.

MangoIce · 28/10/2021 17:09

If a bride wants her bridesmaid to hide her arm tattoos, then the bride needs to buy her bm a dress with sleeves. It’s bridezilla to force her bm to buy their own dresses and doesn’t even allow them to choose the colour, style etc.

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 17:09

@CallMeNutribullet

It's really quite surprising (and depressing) to me the number of people who care more about having their wedding photos look a certain way, than having the most important people in them
Totally agree
BluebellsGreenbells · 28/10/2021 17:10

She could speak to the photographer about positioning or air brushing

Most photos end up in a dusty album anyway!

Ask BM to stand on left or right turned one way - or get huge flowers for the photos!

MagicWorkout · 28/10/2021 17:11

I always think it's very odd to plan a wedding around the photos. What about a nice day where everyone has fun and feels welcome being priority?

WonderfulYou · 28/10/2021 17:11

They used to be associated with sailors or convicts, and totally unacceptable on women in polite society!

It used to be unacceptable for women to show too much skin skin, work or get divorced - luckily times have moved on.

HeronLanyon · 28/10/2021 17:12

Your friend surely has bigger things to think about ?
I think it may well look ghastly - that’s my own dislikes of huge tattoos showing.
But when you think of actually not having her fiancé’s sister as a bridesmaid because of it, it does make it all seem so shallow and controlling.
I think the bride should get over herself, people and family are more important than a tattoo ffs.
Good idea above about ensuring some photos where it isn’t as prominent as others. Seems reasonable.

AntoniaNickNacks · 28/10/2021 17:13

My parents had medical careers, (surgeon and nurse) in, I'm guessing, a similar era to @Babdoc, and they also were really funny about tattoos! My dmum (former nurse) who, god love her, was a crashing snob, used to say "don't get a tattoo, as when you come into hospital the staff will think you are at least one social class lower than you are" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The only person in my acquaintance who is a genuine aristocrat, from an old family with country estate and all that crap, has several tattoos, so I think my old ma was mistaken in her general sweeping statement.

saleorbouy · 28/10/2021 17:13

Who's the celebrity, I haven't worked it out yet‽

Memyselfandfood · 28/10/2021 17:14

Then she should have picked the dress.
Prepare to potentially offend her potential sil.
Couldn’t imagine asking people to cover/change themselves for the sake of one day.

LowlandLucky · 28/10/2021 17:18

I am sure the woman with the Tattoo's is well aware that not everybody likes them and that at some point she may be asked to cover them. As she is family just tell her outright that she will have to buy some camouflage make up and hide them, if she can't deal with that then buy her a long sleeved high neck dress.

Platax · 28/10/2021 17:22

@Carolinesyear

All the bridesmaids were to pick their own dresses but all to be shades of blue and white. I've already got mine but it does happen to have sleeves
Bride needs to tell them all that the dresses need to be blue and white with sleeves
WTF475878237NC · 28/10/2021 17:22

I wouldn't have chosen her as a bridesmaid as it's just ugly! No idea what the the bride was thinking letting you all choose your own dresses. I don't think it's okay to ask this woman to cover her tattoo.

tttigress · 28/10/2021 17:23

One question, why does the tattooed one have to be bridesmaid?

Why not scale it back a bit and say only 2 bridesmaids.

She probably doesn't even want to be bridesmaid anyway.

satci · 28/10/2021 17:24

@MagicWorkout

It's quite unusual to have SIL as BM so she could easily have not included her, but as she has, no she can't ask her to cover up.
It's quite common where I live. Pretty much everyone I know with a SIL had them as a bridesmaid.
TheVolturi · 28/10/2021 17:24

If she loves her friend enough to ask her to be a bridesmaid then she needs to accept her as she is! I have a friend who is really alternative for want of a better phrase, and no way would I ask her to change one bit.

LucentBlade · 28/10/2021 17:29

It’s the fiancées sister so she may not even like her that much if at all, maybe felt obliged. Bride had totally messed up not picking the dresses. I would say nothing have the photos taken, she won’t be in all of them, maybe speak to photographer about positioning but not say why.

TrickyD · 28/10/2021 17:32

TheBlackHeart,

“Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Are you really trying to say that you associate tattoos with criminals?”

I certainly associate criminals with tattoos.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/10/2021 17:32

@tttigress

One question, why does the tattooed one have to be bridesmaid?

Why not scale it back a bit and say only 2 bridesmaids.

She probably doesn't even want to be bridesmaid anyway.

Do women with tattoos famously hate being bridesmaids or something?
HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 28/10/2021 17:34

Surely a decision like that is dependent on what/who the tattoo is of?

I'd be proud for my BM to rock her regular tattooed look at my wedding. But if she had a tattoo of James Corden, I'd request she cover it up & not feel guilty one bit.

IaltagDhubh · 28/10/2021 17:35

If it’s just the photos that the bride is worried about (understandable really - that tat of MJ would be like having another uninvited guest in the middle of the wedding photos!), then there’s a really easy solution. Bride should buy each bridesmaid a matching wrap/shawl/pashmina and ask all the bridesmaids to wear them around their shoulders/upper arms for the formal photos. The explanation she gives is that the wraps are to tie in all the mismatched dresses together. Every bridesmaid gets one, so the tattoos aren’t highlighted as the issue, and any bit of the tat that isn’t covered won’t be identifiable as the random celebrity.

Of course, this means that the bridesmaid with the tattoos will probably have them visible the rest of the day (so they’ll be in any unposed photos), but assuming the bride actually likes let, she probably needs to just suck that up, and hope the weather is really cold.

IaltagDhubh · 28/10/2021 17:37

*but assumed the bride actually likes HER…

TheBlackHeart · 28/10/2021 17:37

@TrickyD

TheBlackHeart,

“Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Are you really trying to say that you associate tattoos with criminals?”

I certainly associate criminals with tattoos.

Get in the modern world 😂 Christ 🤦🏻‍♀️