Parental order for donor embryo

[KazBuck]

Ok I was wondering if anyone can give me advice. I was thinking to use a surrogate with a donor embryo but when looking at getting a parental order the child must be biologically related to the intended parents… Surely there must be a way around this ? I know I should speak to a solicitor and I’m waiting on a call just wondered if anyone has any experience with this topic x

Are you against same sex couples having children ? Such as lesbian couples using donor sperm?

I think gay men procuring babies via surrogacy is equally problematic. Not because they are gay but because they are procuring babies who will be left with a huge gaping hole where their mother should be. No matter how loving these parents are (and I don't doubt they are for a second) babies come from mothers. Depriving babies of mothers causes psychological wounds that run very deep. Unless that baby is allowed a relationship with its birth mother, I can't see how that can be avoided.

A lesbian couple is slightly different in that one of the couple can carry the pregnancy, but the fact remains that the child will still exist in a void, not knowing who its father was. It really does cause problems. Maybe not for all, be definitely enough for it to be a serious concern

I realise my earlier post will have been hard for op to read and to reiterate , I am very sorry indeed she is in this painful situation.

I just think all in all, her proposed solution to her sorrow is ultimately even more selfish than the decision that all of us who were able to have biological children was. And I do firmly believe it's selfish.

I was selfish to have children. All of us who chose to were. So to that extent my remarks may have come across as very absolute when in fact I feel it is a matter of degree.

This. The poor child. They will lack any identity. I’m glad legislation is in place to prevent this in the U.K. I’m sorry for your situation OP but I don’t agree with this. Sometimes we can’t always have what we desire.

Purely altruistic surrogacy where no money changes hands and there is no coercion whatsoever is not unethical.
A Parental Order seeks to create a legal coersion to ensure that a vulnerable woman who has recently given birth and finds that she has bonded with the baby she carried for 9 months is forced to surrender a child against her will.
The very idea of wanting to seek such an order is abhorrent.

Agreed- that's why we chose a donor from the USA, as you get the most information possible, including baby and adult photos and an essay. Our daughter is only two, so has little understanding of anything, but as soon as she is old enough we'll be sharing that all with her.

But what if she is not working and already has maternity clothes But just wants to give her friend the blessing of having a child for no monetary gain ???

So you wouldn’t reimburse any expenses and you think she has no link at all to the baby after carrying it for 9 months? Starting to think this is just a goady troll post, nobody can be that ignorant surely.

@KazBuck and what if she suffers birth injuries. Or worse? You're looking at it through rose tinted glasses. In these scenarios you very have to look at worst case scenarios and the effect of unintended consequences. Otherwise you're just woefully naive

Why not adopt then @KazBuck ? There are loads of kids out there who need a family, why bring a new one into an already overburdened world?

It ruddy well should make things difficult. Children aren't commodities to be bought and sold. None of us has any right to a child. You can't always get what you want.

My friend does not work and she has considered all of the what if’s but is willing to and actually wants to be a surrogate … but actually it is only a consideration at this stage I was just attempting to gain some insight and thus far Only one person has actually provided valid information and not just given a load of Opinions on a subject that is totally legal and valid !!!

No, there aren't many in practice, particularly if you only want to adopt which is likely to be OP's situation. It can also be a very difficult option as many children in this situation have FASD or are born addicted to drugs.

@KazBuck it sounds like your friend already has her own children. Is there an insurance you can take out against her dying or being disabled in childbirth that would reimburse her children and their father against the loss of their mother/partner? That should really be a minimum expense on your part.
Otherwise you could find yourself in deep water.

You clearly have no insight IVF is a legal practice and used by millions as a way to become a parent. Procuring and commodities are not words you should be using in regard to this subject ….

People mainly do this so that at least the child will be related to the father.

Who is to say I’ve not thought about ethics … but ethics are individual and not general !!!

Yes, donor created embryos with no genetic link to either parent who is raising them, which is what OP is proposing. Donor created children who are raised by only one genetic parent do often have identity issues too, let's not pretend they don't, but it's a different scenario.

IVF isn't the same as surrogacy, I think you've confused the two.

If you order and pay for another human being, what else would you call it? Clinics even refer to "commissioning parents".

I have no advice but good luck on your journey to becoming a parent xx

The general concept of IVF is very very different to what you are proposing.

if I was your friend I would be very worried about my body rejecting the foreign embryo and shutting down. I would be worried about dying in childbirth and leaving my other children. I would also be worried about the baby being disabled. Are you prepared for this? I would also very likely change my mind after carrying a baby for 9 months. I wouldn’t hand it over.

What a lovely friend you have to offer that. I know a similar story involving sisters, but they didn’t have to use a donated embryo so didn’t have that extra hurdle of yours

Ethics are a matter for the whole of society to continually discuss and scrutinise.

In adoption & surrogacy you gain parental rights often with no biological or genetic relationship … it’s a complexed subject and I was simply asking for knowledge on the subject

Yes, even exploiting other women and paying for a baby it would seem.

@KazBuck asking you to consider ALL the implications of such a huge decision is not judgemental. To do anything other than properly explore, understand and comprehend the impact on the baby (and the health of your friend) in this scenario smacks of verruca salt stamping her feet because daddy won't buy her a puppy.

The baby, (and the health of the mother) in this scenario is paramount. You seem to be forgetting that.