Am I an alcoholic? I'm so low.

[imsoboredwithitall]

I should know the pain alcoholism and addiction brings. 1x parent a sober alcoholic 10 years in recovery (AA) and has turned her life around.

DB 16 months clean after a 16 year heroin addiction, residential rehab and now working the 12 steps too. Again, turned his life around.

I and they both know, one day at a time, everyday.

I'm drinking more and more, I'm in my 40's, I drink when I'm bored, I drink when I'm with people, I drink when I'm alone. My behaviour changes when I drink. I drink too much I know this.

But I function, I work full time, I earn good money, I run my own business, my DC is well looked after & always safe. my home is overly immaculate and we eat well.

But my behaviour changes when I drink, I can't just have one, I have to finish the bottle. I ring people and can't remember conversations (mortifying!!!!!!) everyday I say not again. I NEVER have alcohol in the house, if I decide to drink I'll got to the shop that minute and buy it.

WHY am I doing this? I hate myself for doing this

I second Annie Grace. Look up her Alcohol Experiment. It is a brilliant eye opener, won't cost you a penny and may save your life.

Op you are so brave for taking the step in posting here for support. I wish you all the best x

@ColdCottage I am going tomorrow, feel terrified but one of my DM's 6 years sober friends is taking me.

Thank you for your kind words

@wizzywig thank you

@buddhasbelly thank you. Yes, I need to be ok for my DC sake. I am doing this for me, sobriety has to come first to me.

I can walk to a shop, but it's a fair walk! But you know what? I've always found a way to buy a bottle regardless of distance etc

I'm 41. I think my life is about to start now, a clear, unashamed and guilt free brighter me.

But I need support, I can't do this alone.

Since Monday I've had a bottle of wine and two of those 5% gin and tonics in a can. That's really cutting back for me.

I was lying in bed last night and I was itching............what a horrible realisation is was....I was itching because I hadn't had enough to drink.

Going for no alcohol day 2 today...

Have a look at any addictions counselling in your area. We have a service that you can self refer to. It's free, and run by qualified counsellors that give up their time to do it. Our area might be a one off though.

The reason I ask about the shop is that if it's on your doorstep then within a few minutes you can get hold of that substance that will tell you it will make these feelings of guilt and anxiety to away. It won't but it's bloody tempting. If it was the case, then speaking to the shop owner and asking not to be served alcohol could take away that immediate source.

Hi OP - I just wanted to say good luck. I'm in very early recovery myself (coming up to five months sober) I started going to AA and I was terrified - but I've kept going back and I've stayed sober so far. You can absolutely do this.

@Hiphopopotamus well done! How was your first meeting?

I was so nervous and hid at the back and said nothing. I gradually started talking to people and now I feel so comfortable being there are sharing. It is genuinely the thing that keeps me sober on the difficult days at the moment.

Op

Well done. I’ve been in a similar situation. Made an absolute fool of myself on many occasions.

I stopped drinking wine socially. I now believe wine should only be consumed during a meal!

FWIW I’ve seen many many people embarrass themselves after drinking too much wine!

I stick to lager now when out in public and there have been no more black outs.

Of course I don’t want to condone your situation but at times I do think the definitions of an alcoholic would describe the majority of people I know.

For instance I know a couple who drink their G&T each night at 8 o clock. They drink three or so and have done for years. They are healthy and are in no way dominated by alcohol. Yet some would say they are alcoholics. They aren’t.

Wine though - such a dangerous friend! It quickly becomes an emotional crutch and stopping it I found increased my sugar cravings!

I applaud your decision to stop. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s likley you were drinking to ease anxiety. One glass kills it right off!

You've taken the first step by posting on here. The first step is the hardest one to take so well done.
And as for why when you should know better - these people are your influencers when you are at an influential age, don't knock yourself for that.

I could have written much of your OP I'mSoBored

I am now 4 days sober. I couldn't be prouder of myself.

It's a long road ahead but getting to day 1 is I think one of the hardest. Good luck

Hi OP, don't know if you're still reading this but was thinking of you this morning. Weekends can often be tricky if you're trying to stay sober. Hope you're well

HANGOVER FREE so far .....

You're so kind. Happy sunshine

Hi OP, My DH has a compulsion to drink every day. He has a very well paid job and drinks after work, it's a matter of time before he's stopped by police. His work rota works so he works about 3 days per week the next maybe 5, those days off are spent waiting for a drink, I won't allow it at home. He was sober for 5 years and thought he had it nailed so tried one! Life was fantastic but was taken away in an instant. Our grown up children will have nothing to do with him as he has made life very difficult and they don't like the way he talks to me when hes been drinking. I cannot tell you how hard it is living with one but I am now finished and it's over, I'm preparing to leave. He would rather have that pint of liquid than us. It's tragic. It's been a nightmare, he's the love of my life too. It's such an awful illness. Terrible disease. So please, get all the help you can, put your heart and soul into it. I wish you all the luck in the world💐💐💐

Well I'm nearly at the 1 week mark. Better than I've done in a long time.

I've been keeping busy, and eating properly (something I never did as too hungover to care!)

Thank you all for such kind words. Shared stories and heartache.

I do wonder why such a lethal toxic substance is so appealing ..... I've asked myself this time and time again.

I have a private counselling session tomorrow which always makes me feel vulnerable afterwards, so when 6pm comes I need to be MEGA busy!!!! Danger Zone for me

Good luck.

Hello imsobored, that's fantastic, you are doing really well. You can do it. It really is one day at a time. I promise you your life will change for the better, you won't believe that you could feel so different. I'm proud of you 💐💐

Glad you are keeping going OP. Look online for recovery blogs and keep in touch with others who understand. Please don't feel discouraged when you have a down day (because they will come) but overall you will be reaching for the light and one day you will realise you haven't had a bad day in a long, long time.

Just put one foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Help is everywhere if you just reach out for it.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

Well done on your decision. Have a look at the Reddit sub Stop Drinking. It’s really supportive and non-judgmental and full of people stopping drinking for all sorts of reasons. I really recommend it. Good luck xx

Thinking of you.

Had a very bad day yesterday. BUT ... I didn't do the norm and have a drink. I cried instead. Picked myself up, wrote a few notes down about how I feel & had an early night with the Sober Diaries.

Today is my 8th Day sober.

Counselling is revealing an awful lot, as a child my feelings didn't matter. As an adult I still feel that (and in fact am made to still feel like that or you could say "allow" myself to feel that way)

The alcohol, drinks ... socialising drunk chats numbed the "feelings"

I need to feel, and that's ok.

Thank you all for checking in. The power of people.

Bloody well done on 8 days OP. I hope you feel proud - you should! It's not easy x

OMG 8 days! That's amazing, what an achievement. So well done. 👏👏