Am I an alcoholic? I'm so low.

[imsoboredwithitall]

I should know the pain alcoholism and addiction brings. 1x parent a sober alcoholic 10 years in recovery (AA) and has turned her life around.

DB 16 months clean after a 16 year heroin addiction, residential rehab and now working the 12 steps too. Again, turned his life around.

I and they both know, one day at a time, everyday.

I'm drinking more and more, I'm in my 40's, I drink when I'm bored, I drink when I'm with people, I drink when I'm alone. My behaviour changes when I drink. I drink too much I know this.

But I function, I work full time, I earn good money, I run my own business, my DC is well looked after & always safe. my home is overly immaculate and we eat well.

But my behaviour changes when I drink, I can't just have one, I have to finish the bottle. I ring people and can't remember conversations (mortifying!!!!!!) everyday I say not again. I NEVER have alcohol in the house, if I decide to drink I'll got to the shop that minute and buy it.

WHY am I doing this? I hate myself for doing this

Yes! Sorry ... delayed. Poor DS has severe hayfever, ended up in emergency doctors with a closed up eye 😢

Hangover free on a bank hols. Check me out?!

I'm feeling a bit low thou, I am sure it will pass. Feeling low isn't a trigger for me mind you. Boredom is a trigger for me ....

I'm nervous I can't keep at this to be honest. What's keeping me going is the over riding feeling of hangover free vs shame, guilt & sick!

Thanks all for checking in 💪🏽

Hi OP good to read you're doing well.

You need to find things that occupy the boredom and keep at the councilling if you think it's working.

I say this from a point of view of that "feeling guilty/sick/hungover"? Want to keep away from those feelings will fade. Alcohol has a 'great' rise coloured glasses where( from experience) the in the early days, as you get past the shame/guilt feelings it's really easy to tell yourself "it wasn't that bad. One won't hurt. That was before, I'll handle it differently this time"

This is just one experience but of any of that resonates, try and find some activities you can enjoy without drink. An easy thing to try is any sports/yoga as it's not an activity that goes well with drinking!!

Fantastic I'mso, that's really impressive, honestly how brilliant is that, you must be feeling proud of yourself, please keep going, I'm writing this from my daughters room as I have moved out of our bedroom because I can't stand the smell on hs breath, to many bad memories come flooding back. I'm heartbroken but he's left me no choice, over 40 years gone with the last relapse. I am getting on with my life now, so please stay strong, you can do this, one day at a time, we are supporting you. 💐💐💐

How are you doing OP? I’m watching this thread with interest as it’s ringing a number of bells for me.

I'm sat here crying. What @buddhasbelly said ... yep that's happened, I thought I was on top, loving being sober and waking up lovely.

Nooooooo, I picked up a drink.

The detest I will feel tomorrow is my pain.

HATE HATE ME

Don't hate yourself @imsoboredwithitall we on this thread don't hate you and those around you, I hope just want to see you well.

It's the hardest part about it all. Accepting it for what it is.

You can't change that you picked up a drink. But you can change how you feel with it (sorry if that sounds a bit tough love).

It was one night. You're already seeing that it isn't something you want to repeat. You're seeing you want change. And you WILL make that change.

Take it a little at a time in the evenings.

1. Bored
2. I could have a drink. I love that warm feeling (it's ok to let yourself have this feelings)
3. Feel guilty and rubbish and hungover and not remembering who you called, what you said. Rubbish sleep.

1. Alternate 3. I want a drink. I want that escape from the monotony but...what will it achieve? I'll feel rubbish. I'll waste money. My skin will look shit. I'll be checked out for the following day.

Play yourself the movie in your head of what it's like having a drink. Pause it in your head at those romanticized feelings of alcohol. Press play again. Watch the movie in your head til the end. Til the inevitable hangover and craving for the next drink kicks in.

You can and will do this. One night doesn't define the whole movie.

Pm me any time.

Hi sobored hope you're ok this morning.

Remember this thing of rewiring your brain on your perceptions of alcohol will take time.

Don't spend the day beating yourself up. It's done. You can't change it. Take away what you can learn and move onwards and upwards x

I went to 'recovery near you', it was called Aquarius at the time.

They run a few courses/activities but the one I went to was called something like, 'cutting down your drinking' basically everyone in the room recorded their units of alcohol and talked about what they had drunk and why.

Initially my drinking went up, which others said happened with them as well.

They also provided some one-one counselling.

They were non judgmental, there were people in the group who were alcohol dependent, there were people who drank every day, but only 1 glass but could not get out of the habit.

There were options to detox if you wanted, either residential, which there was a waiting list for or in your own home. It depended on whether you were physically addicted and they expected you to have a bad reaction or you were more socially addicted.

Now I can have a glass of wine and put the bottle away. I know not everyone can get to that and for some abstinence is the only route.

I don't like AA because it is based on religion and I'm atheist, also their success rate is the same as going alone. But for some people it works.

One of the things we did on a course I attended (separate to the two other meetings) was to think about the alcohol as a bad friend.

You know the friend that turns up, insists you go out and you get i to trouble with? You might not have one now but as a kid you probably did, the kid who would egg you on to do daft stuff.

Alcohol (all additive substances) are like that. Once you start saying 'no I'm not coming out' the less often that 'friend' comes knocking.

Eventually they give up calling.

As a group we also came up with 'sky diving' you jump out of a plane and head for a target, you don't always get it right, you do need to change direction a few times.

HATE HATE ME

Please don't hate yourself, hate the addiction not yourself.

So you had a few drinks, you still drank less than you used to.

Have you talked to your GP? Mine prescribed Valium, not all the time but for the days I wanted to not drink but the drink was calling to me. He also prescribed acomposate, this doesn't stop you drinking but it does stop the craving.

How are you today OP? Was thinking of you

Evening! @buddhasbelly well I woke up with the usual 5am "fear" hangover and couldn't get back to sleep.

Thank you for your kind words, it means an awful lot & I've tried to be "kind" to myself but I'm gutted, I was doing so well.

I just don't know why I did it? My trigger I think is boredom.

So we try again and I have to REALLY want this.

The thought of being hangover free and productive tomorrow is certainly a GOOD feeling.

Thank you again, I'm grateful

Glad to see you sounding so positive

It isn't an easy thing you are trying to do. You need to go yourself credit for what you are achieving. Even through the setbacks you're learning.

As to boredom. Do you have any hobbies? Interests?

I just don't know why I did it? My trigger I think is boredom.

Do you drink at the same time? I find if I keep myself busy around the time I would have had a drink then the my body forgets it is 'drink time'.

I play online scrabble or read, things that don't go well with alcohol.

Yes @sashh same time .... 5pm ....

That's a good tactic, in fact yes that would work as I also feel it has become habit.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

I've also downloaded an app, it's nice to see those "sober" days count up, like a bank account.

Hey imso.. How are you doing? 💐

Morning! I'm doing ok.

Had to reset the Sober counter! The more I read up on, the more I realise how others struggle too.

I am really giving it effort on the boredom front. Keeping busy at trigger times.

Please tell me counselling gets worse before it gets better?!? I think I'm struggling with that

Morning, you are doing brilliantly, you may not think so but you are. Yes, keep busy, read read read. Go for a walk, read up on as much as you can. I've heard counselling does get better and that is life changing, they will give you the tools to think your thought process differently. Change your thinking patterns. Please stick with it. 💐💐💐

Just been reading through this thread, well done, you're on the right track. I know the struggle with alcohol all too well. You can do it. Keeping occupied is so important.

Hello, how are you doing?