Am I an alcoholic? I'm so low.

[imsoboredwithitall]

I should know the pain alcoholism and addiction brings. 1x parent a sober alcoholic 10 years in recovery (AA) and has turned her life around.

DB 16 months clean after a 16 year heroin addiction, residential rehab and now working the 12 steps too. Again, turned his life around.

I and they both know, one day at a time, everyday.

I'm drinking more and more, I'm in my 40's, I drink when I'm bored, I drink when I'm with people, I drink when I'm alone. My behaviour changes when I drink. I drink too much I know this.

But I function, I work full time, I earn good money, I run my own business, my DC is well looked after & always safe. my home is overly immaculate and we eat well.

But my behaviour changes when I drink, I can't just have one, I have to finish the bottle. I ring people and can't remember conversations (mortifying!!!!!!) everyday I say not again. I NEVER have alcohol in the house, if I decide to drink I'll got to the shop that minute and buy it.

WHY am I doing this? I hate myself for doing this

Dreading Sunday! It's a Bank Hols & a good friends BBQ - the usual crowd of over indulgent "adults" with far more control over alcohol than me.

I am making some food for the BBQ and that will be my contribution (unlike the normal half a case of wine)

Any tips on how I tackle not drinking on Sunday?

Fill myself up with food will be my first go to as I don't ever want to drink on a full stomach.

This will be my toughest one yet.

You are doing such a great job! Good luck

So well done, could you be honest with them? Tell them what you are doing and you would like respect for it. Be up front, say I have brought food instead of alcohol. People will want to talk to you about it and they will be supportive I'm sure, maybe don't stay to long. If they are true friends they will understand. What ever they say or do just remember you are doing this for you, you come first. I think of you everyday and I am routing for you. Also, if you are worrying about the BBQ just don't go. Explain to your friend. It's all about you 💐💐

Can you just set yourself a time to leave the BBQ and make sure you stick to it? i.e. arrive on time, stay for a couple of hours and then head off before everyone gets too squiffy?

I think telling people that you're not drinking and asking for their support is a good idea, but if you're not up to that (or you don't think your friends will be supportive) then make sure you take some soft drinks with you that you like. Or can you just rope in one friend to be your non-drinking buddy and help you through it?

You could make or invent a plan to go somewhere else you have to drive to after so you can just say you’re driving. Think about the lovely food you’ll taste and take a soft drink you really like.

I suspect that questions about alcohol and addiction are very much more complicated than we make out.

I have recently cut my drinking drastically. I am a bit of a party girl - I don't have kids, and I have several social events with alcohol each week - and I like a drink, so I have been consuming something between 25 and 40 units a week for years. However, this has crept up towards the upper end of that since September last year, while I was having building work done in my house. I was drinking about the same as you by January - 4 bottles of wine and some a week. About 8 weeks ago, I realised that I was tired and lacked energy all the time, so I decided to cut down to below the 14 unit limit. It's been SUPER easy. I haven't had any withdrawal, cravings, or anything. I suspect that this is because I was never really physiologically addicted. One thing I've found helpful is to drink slowly. It's surprising how little you feel the difference between one glass and three if you consume the one over a longer time! It's also much easier to keep hold of your willpower.

Can you take something nice to drink to the BBQ? Like Shloer? Something fizzy and fruity to keep in your hand and keep it topped up continually.

"I suspect that questions about alcohol and addiction are very much more complicated than we make out"

That is exactly the problem.

It's the whole concept of being at a party and not drunk - novel I know (to me!)

What will keep me going is .... sharing with a friend my situation and being honest, the motivation of no wasted bank holiday Monday hungover. No shame and guilt the following day. If that isn't enough then .... well .... I don't know.

The alternative is a serious .... I just won't go.

I can do this, I can 💪🏽

You definitely can do this! I’m pregnant so can’t drink at the moment and I’ve found that taking a nice drink that you actually want helps a lot. I don’t likely sickly fizzy drinks like coke and there only so much long life orange one person can drink so I find fresh pressed interesting juice combos and less sweet sparking drinks like soda water with apple juice are lovely, even water with cucumber in. Then you look forward to picking up your own drink and it feels fresh and healthy.
I’d also think that maybe if you don’t want to broadcast to the world that you are struggling try telling people you have challenged yourself to a detox month looking forward to the summer, then it could last the summer and so on...

The thing that surprised me is: even if you have decent tolerance, you are still drunk if you drink half a bottle s-l-o-w-l-y, over the course of an entire evening. It's hard to explain. You still have the light-headedness and the feeling of pleasant numbness, but you have less of a rapid dip into it, and less of a hangover afterwards. And it's much easier to exercise willpower and stay inside the limit, too. Since I've limited myself to half a bottle twice a week, I've at no point felt a desire to go beyond that.

You can fool your head into thinking you're having a nice drink even if you're not too - Seedlip is a great non-alcoholic alternative to gin, and mocktails are good.

@pigmcpigface very insightful on the slowly drinking! That's one thing that is purely noticeable in me .... quick quick quick .... pour it down my neck as quick as I can and then it's all over with and I can go to bed 🤔🤔🤔 WTF!?!?

So .... I hear you and that's an interesting point. I'm too nervous right now to break the very short sobriety I have right now.

It's odd isn't it? If I said I wasn't going to eat cheese anymore people (my friends!?) would be oh cool yea I get that .... but as soon as we say oh I'm giving up booze ... well fuck me it's like you're a social outcast and what is wrong with you?

Yes you are right, when my husband told people he was giving up it was, oh you boring bastard, you pussy. Get a grip what's the matter with you. But now as he has relapsed AGAIN for the umpteenth time and these same people can see what a devastating effect it's had in our household they are shocked and saddened AND sorry, saying oh, I didn't know how bad it was, I'm sorry I didn't understand. Our family life is now over, we are all preparing for different lives, it's absolutely tragic. I'm so drained with it all. So please, don't worry what other people think of you, they are not worth it, stay away from those tempting situations.

Peer pressure and making a big change in your life is very hard, OP. You need to deal with this side of things as well as the physical giving up and working though issues in therapy. You have a lot going on right now and there is nothing easy about it. Pat yourself on the back for how far you've come already.

Can you think about a hobby you have always wanted to try? Anything you fancy. If it's fitness-related so much the better. Start enjoying your wonderful body and all it is capable of. Start treating it well and cherishing it.

If you join a cycling/running/hiking group you will meet new friends, burn off adrenaline which will help keep your mood stable, keep you busy and less likely to drink from boredom, etc, etc. You will not be encouraged to drink by your new peer group. If they do end the day with a pint, you can order a soft drink. As you will just have met them, there will be no expectations on their part as they will not have known you as a drinker iyswim.

As for people you need to keep in your life but who know you as a drinker, concoct an excuse about how you have discussed your health with your doctor and how it is not what it should be. You have been advised to stop drinking. Not really a lie as such, is it?

If I had to change one thing about my journey in giving up alcohol, it would be to find alternative entertainment earlier on. So instead of looking at the door that has closed, I would turn around and look for another, healthier, open door.

Hope this helps.

Keep up the good work! We are all here for you.

my behaviour changes when I drink, I can't just have one, I have to finish the bottle

This is the line that stands out for me. People who have a normal, healthy relationship with alcohol (or food, for that matter), can have one glass (or one biscuit), and then put it away and carry on with their day. Someone who has a problem relationship with the substance compulsively consumes with no real sense of proportion. You know you have addiction in your family and addiction/compulsive behaviour can run in families. You need help or you need to be strong enough to simply quit. From your posts it doesn't sound like you have that, so I'll stick with 'you need help'.

PS. 8 days is amazing - well done! But still please get help. It doesn't have to be AA.

aforeverrecovery.com/blog/recovery/peer-pressure/

^ Devise a script for what you will tell people who try to pressure you. Be armed in advance for these situations. They will get the message and give up eventually.

alcoholrehab.com/drug-addiction/peer-pressure-and-substance-abuse/

"Those people who have high self-esteem will be less likely to bow to negative peer pressure. It is possible for the individual to build up their self-esteem by setting goals and achieving them. It also involves learning to handle criticism and accept compliments. Those individuals who are most likely to fall into addiction tend to have low self-esteem."

You are in therapy so your self-esteem should be improving and you will feel stronger about resisting pressure in time. It will become like exercising a muscle.

The main thing to remember, OP, is it will not always be this hard. It really won't. One day at a time is a mantra to live by.

imsoboredwithitall

How are things today?

I know you're nervous about the BBQ tomorrow. Have you made a plan for how you are going to handle that yet?

There are AA meetings at different times in different areas. You can look them up on on the Internet. You could attend one just before the BBQ if you wish for a boost.

Or read someone's blog of how they have handled parties in advance.

Speak to a close friend/family member you trust ahead of time and ask them if they'd be willing to back you up when you tell someone you don't want a drink. Some people can be very persistent if they don't understand. It would be helpful to know someone is in your corner.

Say you are on antibiotics. Some white lies don't matter until you get stronger. The antibiotics are a reason that cannot be argued with and will immediately take the pressure off.

Have a soft drink in your hand at all times. You don't need to drink much of it, but you won't keep being offered a drink if you have one in hand.

As you mentioned in an earlier post, if you do feel weak at all about the BBQ just don't go. However, if you don't go in the end, please don't stay at home feeling sad and lonely. If you do not go in order to protect your sobriety, this should be celebrated. Not going is not a punishment because you have a problem. Not going shows you are strong enough to not let anything get in the way of your sobriety.

So go shopping and treat yourself to something great. You must be saving some cash with not drinking. Sign up for a great hobby and buy yourself something nice for that hobby. Just treat and reward yourself in a healthy way.

Sorry for banging on, but I am cheerleading you all the way, OP

Fantastic advice from Eleanor. I too am thinking of you 💐💐

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3259821-it-is-possible

Have you seen this? Worth a look, I would think.

(I hope it's okay etiquette to post the link here?)

Right here we go ....... happy Sunday all.

Happy SOBER Sunday x

Stay strong you CAN do it. How amazing will it feel when you return home after staying sober. I will be thing of you today. 💐💐

You can do this, imsoboredwithitall

We are here for you. Post here even in the middle of the BBQ if you feel you need to!

Morning I'mso. How did it go? How are you this morning? 💐💐

Also been wondering how things went for you yesterday, imsoboredwithitall If you need to talk, we're here.

Sunday, I mean! I seem to have skipped a day somewhere.