To feel so scared? Dh and addiction to prescription medication

[meadowposy]

My dh is addicted to medication, he was on codeine and says he hasn't taken any since April 11, I do believe him.

He has however been buying so much elsewhere in my name mostly. And so I can see he's replaced one addiction with another.

I know everyone says oh ltb. But it isn't that easy.

Neither of us have any family who help, we have very young children, we have no support at all basically.

Also he is not harmful to me or kids. He does it all away from our sight.

He's not always an easy man to live with but I do love him. And he's the only help and break I get. I just feel scared.

He says if it comes out he will kill himself. I really do belive him. He's tried twice this year already. I would feel responsible. It's no good people saying I wouldn't be I would feel it.

Just in despair.

"Either cashback (does that still exist?)"

Of course it does. Do you only shop online these days?

meadowposy what is stopping you from accessing all the useful agencies that can help you?

I do not war any harm to come to my husband.

I love him. I care about him and I am worried pushing it may cause him to harm himself, is that really so hard to understand?

But the current situation is causing him harm as well and in order to help you need to take steps

Maybe it's difficult without knowing the people involved but he would need to contact them himself.

It’s clear though the status quo can’t continue so you fo have to act

I agree with what PP said upthread. The shit will hit the fan whatever happens, he’ll kill himself, get arrested (and possibly you as well) and/ or lose his job, quite possibly with lots of publicity. You can wait for that to happen with the children around to witness or leave, build a new life and let him deal with the fallout with less impact on your children. It’s so severe it won’t just go away. You’ve got to put your children first.

Is your husband more important to you than your children?

You aren't protecting him by enabling him. You are making things worse. Stop burying your head in the sand, take your fingers out of your ears and stop singing la la la la.

Put your big girl pants on and take things into your own hands. If you imagine that your preteen hasn't noticed anything you are wrong.

If you can post on an anonymous forum like mumsnet you can also post anonymously on the forums for families of drug addicts and get some real help.

This cannot continue

This is one of those rare occasions where I hope that MNHQ have the OPs IP address and can bloody report it to the Police.

FFS.

You know what's even worse than a drug using health professional, OP??

The person that enables them to do it.

Thanks. That's really helpful.

OP. You say you can't report him because you love him and don't want any harm to come to him. His patients families love them and don't want any harm to come to them either. Why do you post on here if you dont want to listen to anyone's advice.

I don't know your full story but we had a doctor in our extended family who was self prescibing and self medicating. He, unfortunately overdosed either deliberately or accidently( no one knows) and died. The fall out for his wife but especially for his kids was lifelong. Please go to all support groups and access all help. Maybe you need to just force him as much as possible to go to rehab. They will be familiar with this and totally not shocked in any way. Ring one of the rehab places and get their advice. Secrecy is not the way here. You are not responsible if he dies but he cannot be left the way he is.
My dh has bipolar and fought tooth and nail not to go to a hospital for treatment believing he could manage. He is also in the medical field. I did enable him at first..only saw that later..then for his sake l confronted him strongly drew his family and my family in and went all out until now he is fully treated and doing well. Loyalty is not the answer here. He is not in a fit state to decide. You have to force him into rehab or walk away.

Cocoa That was raised on the previous thread by this poster, but it's not something @MNHQ can do in this case, I believe they posted on the thread confirming that.

I do not want any harm to come to my husband

Harm IS coming to your husband, and you are not stopping it.

'Love' is just a word if it does not mean mutual respect and support.

He is a danger to himself, to his patients, to his children and to you.

You know what you need to do, you are just finding it very difficult to do - totally understandable, but that does not make it any less right.

He cannot be the rational grown-up here, unfairly that's up to you.
So rise to the challenge and keep all of you safe rather than continuing to tip toe around the addict and his fucked up needs.

He more or less told you that he'd rather kill himself than seek help, therefor it is up to you to act and protect your children and yourself from the inevitable fallout.

my posts are no more or less helpful than anyone else Meadowposy.

what you don't like about my posts is that how they make you feel because they are truthful and making you face up to things that you think you can just push under the carpet.

And yes, in all honesty, you probably can keep sweeping things under the rug. How long for do you think? a year, two maybe.

when your preteen is an adult perhaps and wonders why dad is always locking his office door? or when his patients start coming to harm?

what do you want in the way of help? what do you REALLY want?

he is not just going to stop.
you are not going to make him stop

the only way this is going to end is when someone else finds out and you are dropped in the deepest of deep shit.

you are now saying that its not the lack of money that is stopping you when previously this was the main excuse. that you couldn't leave because you had no money.

you can block my posts but you know I am right.

I hope and pray someone else reports him and you to the authorities before your children or an unsuspecting patient comes to any harm. because you and I and every other poster knows, its the only way that this is going to stop.

Posey what do you actually want from this second thread that reads exactly like the first and I mean exactly? Are you planning to use these threads as some sort of evidence when the wheels come off this whole fucking shebang so you can be deemed some sort of innocent bystander that is anxiously wringing their hands due to being paralysed with fear? This Wrekin has been circumnavigated so many times now I fail to see what you are getting out of this?
From what I see you just add one or two liners here and there but show zero interest in doing anything material to change your situation which is sad enough but potentially catastrophic for your children and the people your DH comes up against in a professional capacity.
Sometimes life throws up situations where, no matter how distasteful for us, we are force to act. If anything this and the previous thread are evidence of your total inertia in the face of many different ways of sorting this out. It's just a phone call after all. Ok your nice lifestyle will disappear in a puff of smoke but it's not so nice anyway is it?

It's a long time since I lived in the UK LoniceraJaponica and cashback is unheard of where I am now. I also can't open a bank account without DH knowing as all accounts have to be declared on our joint (because we're married) annual tax declaration. I don't believe that this is the case in the UK, so would advise OP to set up an account her DH doesn't know about and start getting some money in it. So that she has access to something when he either clears out the account or gets investigated.

OP, you don't want to leave him and I get there is a lot of 'saving face' here. But the summer holidays are coming up, so use this to your advantage. Would something like this be an option? Get your cards back, tell him you need some time away from him to think because you can no longer go on living like this, with this hanging over you. As money isn't an issue, see if you can rent a holiday cottage somewhere and take the DC on holiday for a month. What do you want to have happened by the time you are back? Set it out for him. Everything. Write a letter if need be. Names, addresses of people or agencies where he can get help. The situation as you see it - with all it's potential repercussions (what people have pointed out here) . Then your best case scenario of what he does now, the minimum you are prepared to accept. Get him a pre-paid phone so he can't use he's worried about call being traced to him as an excuse. Set him up an email. Tell the kids he's staying because of work, although your eldest probably knows whats going on. DH can tell everyone you're on holiday.

I've read this, I read the other thread.

If something happened to my child because his or her doctor was under the influence of medication and it emerged that his wife had been buying the medication for him - as that is what it will look like - damn right I would push for her to be prosecuted too.

Have you ever read the proceedings of GMC cases? They're available online. Not seeking help is a huge aggravating factor in this kind of case. Your husband is one of the people you are harming most by letting this go on.

Honestly, I get this is unpleasant but there's denial and there's... this. Pull yourself together and do what you know you need to, or watch your life implode.

Oh Meadow this won't sort itself.

You must do something.

You'll lose your kids, do you get that? You. Will. Lose. Them.

I don't think I will.

It isn't illegal to buy medication online.

As for what I wanr out of the thread, to talk about something I never could in real life.

Those of you who think it's about a nice life. Ha. You're so wrong. Do you really think I have a nice life on any level? But my children do.

But is it safe?

Children are not stupid. They'll know somethings not right- especially after the holiday/ pharmacy thing.

What if he overdoses and one of your children find him.

What if he kills himself in some other way and one of your children find him?

What will you tell social services and the police they when ask if he's talked about suicide before. 'Yes, he tried to kill himself a few times but I didn't do anything to safeguard them because I didn't want my husband to get into trouble'.

Your children are at risk.

You have already seen him crushing up pills. He is either snorting or injecting them now. He is permanently, dangerously high. He will make a mistake: leave the door open, leave some pills out, pass out behind the wheel of the car or drive dangerously or even be in an accident that isn't his fault and he will be seen to be high and charged.

0370 444 5163

Telephone number for sick doctors trust. 15% of doctors addicted to prescription medication. Phone them annonymously and ask for how to deal with this please. If I discovered one of my colleagues was going through this I would get them signed off sick and support them. You cannot go in enabling him. It's going to take courage but you have to do it. This situation will escalate and will get worse so do it now.