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Addiction support

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Original poster

To feel so scared? Dh and addiction to prescription medication

250 replies

meadowposy · 06/05/2018 12:42

My dh is addicted to medication, he was on codeine and says he hasn't taken any since April 11, I do believe him.

He has however been buying so much elsewhere in my name mostly. And so I can see he's replaced one addiction with another.

I know everyone says oh ltb. But it isn't that easy.

Neither of us have any family who help, we have very young children, we have no support at all basically.

Also he is not harmful to me or kids. He does it all away from our sight.

He's not always an easy man to live with but I do love him. And he's the only help and break I get. I just feel scared.

He says if it comes out he will kill himself. I really do belive him. He's tried twice this year already. I would feel responsible. It's no good people saying I wouldn't be I would feel it.

Just in despair.

OP posts:

Asmallrole · 06/05/2018 17:51

Here we go again..

AornisHades · 06/05/2018 17:58

There's no way to fix it a bit, to stop him running a bank account in your name to abuse prescription drugs, to stop him working in an ever more desperate state, to make him seek help. It is black and white. Stay and let him take you down with him for supplying contrlled drugs and let SS deal with housing the dc. Or call time on it and get yourself and the dc out.
No shades of grey. Just those choices so if you won't leave you'll stay until the whole thing falls apart.

Quartz2208 · 06/05/2018 18:03

What is clear is outside of the addiction (or because of it) its an unhappy relationship where he is controlling (at least financially) and does not care what you think.

Now is that the drugs talking or not - because if it is he needs help
If it isnt frankly you should contact womans aid and never look back.

The key is he is not safe working and he is not safe with your children. But he is not your responsiblity

PersianCatLady · 06/05/2018 18:07

Stop making excuses because they aren't going to help you.

I honestly don't believe he stopped the codeine and now is just taking pregbalin, if anything he is probably taking both.

Pregbalin is not addictive like codeine so if people could give up codeine as easily by using it then i am sure thaf addiction sipport services would already be using it.

Timelass · 06/05/2018 18:16

Sorry OP
I would be jumping every time there was a knock on the door.

I worry that your next thread will be
My DH has been arrested and Social Services have removed my children

OP have you had any success re finding a suitable school for your son?

notapizzaeater · 06/05/2018 18:21

He won't change without help, he really needs to admit he's got a problem and you can't make him do that

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/05/2018 18:21

If all you want is a listening ear, I'm afraid what you want is MN to enable YOU. Take just enough stress away so you can carry on making terrible choices.

You're enabling him. We're enabling you.

Seek professional help. Al Anon, groups for friends and family of drug users, Women's Aid, AdFam.

Str4ngedaysindeed · 06/05/2018 18:35

It seems that, however awful the situation the OP doesn't want to leave - there are ways, we all know that, but I should imagine its a reasonably nice life style with a doctor husband. No doubt this is harsh, but going into a shelter or refuge wold probably make her feel a failure or beneath her. However, I also agree expecting to be given new forms of help when there are obvious solutions which have been given over and over again is very sad.

mummymeister · 06/05/2018 18:36

Good point MrsTerryPratchett. you are right. we are enabling the OP to stay where she is and fool herself that she is "doing something" because she is posting here and people are answering.

GreenItWas · 06/05/2018 18:40

OP if you really want to get this situation sorted the thing to do is report him anonymously so you are not in the frame and not seen by him as responsible. Some random may have noticed he can barely hold a cup without shaking so it's not beyond the bounds of possibility that someone might decide to have a word in an appropriate ear.

You are clearly struggling to take action yourself and I understand that so a middle ground has to be found and an anonymous dob in is the only answer as far as I can see.

LittleOwl153 · 06/05/2018 19:25

First thing go to a different bank on Tuesday with your own ID. (Passport/driving licence and a bill or bank statement with your name in it - it can be joint) Open a bank account in your name only. You can have a basic bank account without needing a provable I come. Then once you have an account number apply for child benefit for your kids in your own name. You can do this even assuming your husband earns over £50k and your husband will just have to declare it on his tax return to pay back. You need to have access to some money of your own. If you get any other benefits for the kids get them transferred too. This will give you a starting point. Add any cash/ change you can.

Close your joint account, stop him using your card/name you need to do this for your own protection.

Vangoghsear · 06/05/2018 19:33

Could your DH take a few weeks/months off and go into rehab privately? It sounds as though he is struggling to give up on his own.

wormery · 06/05/2018 19:37

You say he's already tried to take his life twice this year, was he taken to hospital or sought any help for this. He really needs to get himself sorted out.

NerrSnerr · 06/05/2018 19:45

You have been given advice about how to leave if you have no money.

You need to put your children's safety and well-being first. It's better that they spend time in a b&b or hostel than in a car accident or them watch their mum get arrested for supplying him meds.

mummymeister · 06/05/2018 20:24

LittleOwl - the OP cant/wont do this. Her H controls their finances. the card is in her name but he has the pin. he will do exactly the same with another account because his need for drugs overrides all sense of reason, common decent, love for his family or compassion.

he is a junkie. this is what they do.

ShesAYamEater · 06/05/2018 20:31

i feel so sorry for op. ripping into her wont help. she knows it s an issue.

Original poster

meadowposy · 06/05/2018 20:33

I am not finding your posts helpful mummy

I said this on the last thread.

OP posts:

TenGinBottles · 06/05/2018 20:45

OP, how old are your DC?

Original poster

meadowposy · 06/05/2018 20:51

Range of ages from preteen to toddler. Don't want to be to specific

OP posts:

LoniceraJaponica · 06/05/2018 20:54

"I am not finding your posts helpful mummy"

You don't seem to find anyone's posts helpfu meadowposy. You come on here asking for advice, which people have given you in bucketloads, and you ignore the really constructive and useful posts.

What do you want to happen?
What do you realistically think will happen if you carry on enabling your junkie husband?

You aren't responsible for him, but you are responsible for your children.

Your current lifestyle will come to an end, either when you choose to end it, or when your husband ends it by being caught or when he overdoses.

Has your controlling husband isolated you from anyone who could have been in a position to help you?

TenGinBottles · 06/05/2018 20:55

Understood. You say your "D"H has your card and pin, how do you pay for day to day stuff? I'm assuming as you say you have no money, that you're a SAHM?

Original poster

meadowposy · 06/05/2018 21:11

I don't really need much. He'd let me have the cards if I wanted them.

OP posts:

LoniceraJaponica · 06/05/2018 21:15

Is he still off work?

TenGinBottles · 06/05/2018 21:17

Ok. But you're scared how he would react if you changed the pin?

Can you drive? If yes, do you have access to a car?

Do you think you can take the card, start to overpay shopping? Either cashback (does that still exist?) or getting cash out to pay for the shopping and squirrelling a bit away each time?

Original poster

meadowposy · 06/05/2018 21:19

No. Its not lack of money that stops me. Of course it is but not on the level that £10 here and there would make a difference.

OP posts:

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