Codeine addiction

[madein1995]

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

The plan of tapering off on your own sounds completely implausible to me, I'm sorry.

I hate to say this but I went to an addiction recovery conference about 4 years ago, and there was a massive study done on triggers for recovery, the name of the study i can't remember for the life of me but it showed that the majority of people in recovery made a spontaneous one and over half of people in recovery have never made contact with drug and alcohol services. Most women surveyed that made a spontaneous recovery were 25-30 when they achieved abstinence and most men surveyed were 30-35 when they achieved spontaneous abstinence. Engagement with services is not an indication of likelihood of success...

Hope you are OK @madein1995, still here for you and no judgement - no need to reply to this message but hopefully there has been some talking this evening and understandings being opened up. Keep talking to us, we are here for you. Hold on in there,

hi guys I'll message back properly tomorrow but quick update. Things still bad, not seen mam as she's been in bed. Dads talking a tiny bit, he took me to slimming tonight as mam told him to, I said goodnight to him and he replied so that's promising, he answers when i say something, things still tense though. They had a talk earlier. It was about me no doubt and was quiet so at least they've calmed down a little bit. I've not even mentioned the thing, it's like the elephant in the room. They're both sleeping, how I don't know, I thought they'd be worrying.

I don't know if they'll make me leave. Eben if they don't I'm going to look at moving out once i pass training and consolidation in work, as there's always internal vacancies, they spend money training us so we're likely to be kept on. If they make me leave this weekend I'll go to a hotel Saturday then hopefully we can make it up Monday or Tuesday. I've booked the hotel but got up to 1pm Saturday to cancel. Mam I think is confused and upset and lashing out. I'm just trying my hardest to be brave, avoiding the elephant in the room. If Mams about when I get home tomorrow I want to talk to her/them. Ask for a calm discussion. Put it to them they let me stay til the end of training so I can get settled in work, give me a chance to prove myself, a probation if you like, then they could decide. Hopefully by tomorrow evening they'll be calmer.

I've lost 5lb this week in slimming. To be honest I've not eaten much since last night except the scrambled eggs dad made me. I'm surprised he did tbh. They're both angry, but I think dad is concerned or worried as well, he was mad last night - upset I hadn't told him - and this morning called me a name but apart from that he's been OK. He's mad and you can tell that but at least he can talk civilly to me a bit. All mam is doing is shouting loudly

I think things are getting better. Dad woke me up, asked what I wanted for breakfast, I said nothing. Mam told him I had to have something so he's doing Me porridge. I spoke to mam, not about the problem - casual stuff, dress down day, my desk, me taking coffee into work, etc - and it was OK. She was upset you could tell but civil. I asked if we could have a chat when I got in from work and she said yeah so that's promising.

She has said though that I've got to go to the doctors, which I really don't want

I think you need to show them you want to change by agreeing to go to the doctors. I'm not excusing the awful things they've said to you, as no parent should ever say those things. But they must be terrified right now, especially if you're their only child. All that stuff about disowning you, not loving you, etc - if that was true they certainly wouldn't care about whether or not you have breakfast or see the GP.

Now that it's out in the open, make the most of the support available to you and tell your parents you need their help with getting out of this mess.

Good luck OP - you've got it in you to get through this. It's clear from your posts that you're stronger than you think. We're here to support you whenever you need it.

Things are much, much better. We've talked, made up and hugged. It's like a switch flicked overnight. We had a calm chat, and cwtched. I know the trust won't come easy but it will get there. I've said that I don't want to go to the doctor, and she's said ok, as long as I'm honest in future.

I think they feel guilty though she's not said so. She's said 'things have got to change' but has spoiled me too. She's bought me sweets, tops, nice food and other treats. Dad's taking me shopping in the morning/afternoon for work clothes, and mam said they'll buy me a few things. Mam was shocked I had booked the premier in and had me cancel

That's good to hear. Are they supportive of you tapering off rather than going cold turkey?

I've let them think I've not got any left so am off them, I've not told them about tapering. I have a strip in my room, and have some in my (locked) desk drawer in work. I'll still be able to taper off but as I've no way of accessing more tablets it will have to be at a faster rate than I wanted. It's not ideal but I have the weekend and Monday off so should be over the worst of it. We're going to have tea out as a family on Tuesday as mam is working all weekend. Atm the withdrawals aren't too bad. Just a bit achy and going to the loo more often, hopefully it won't get too much worse.

I’m concerned that you haven’t been honest with them about the tapering. This is a recipe for disaster if they find out. They obviously love you and care about you. Please be open and honest.

I'm going to have to be really careful with the tapering, like extremely careful. If I go Cold Turkey it'll be hell but again I can't tell them about tapering cos they'll want me to come off them straight away. I will be off them though, I have to be, I won't have access to them anymore so need to taper off and quickly.

I've let them think I've not got any left so am off them

So what will happen when they discover you are lying to them?

Will your parents not search your room? Be careful

It's great that your parents are being more understanding. However, now that you have to taper off more quickly than you planned, it's even more important for you to see a GP. They would monitor the withdrawal to make sure it happens safely, and can also prescribe other drugs to help (like methadone).

fruitcider, I've also seen a study similar to the one you mention, about addicts making a spontaneous recovery. It's true that it can happen. However, studies contain a lot of variables, and different studies use different criteria (according to some studies of recovering alcoholics, I would be classified as having made a 'spontaneous recovery', because I got sober not through official channels, but through NA and AA).

I don't for a moment believe that there's a one-size-fits-all solution. I probably sound a bit evangelical about NA/AA at times because 12-step recovery helped me so much, but I know there are many different paths to recovery. It's also true that lots of people engage with services and don't manage to get clean. The ones who do are a lucky minority.

But it's my own experience that makes me sceptical of spontaneous recovery. Spontaneous recovery is the dream of a lot of addicts/alcoholics. But the reality is that a lot of us can't manage it. I tried so hard to stop on my own, to reduce my intake, etc. I tried for years. It wasn't until I went to AA and got a sponsor that something clicked and real change started to happen.

Anyway, regardless of my personal experience, studies show that addicts have a much better chance of recovery if they have a supportive family environment and also ongoing peer support. Interacting with other people in recovery is hugely beneficial. This was probably the thing that helped me most: being with other people who understood exactly how strong my cravings were, and who had managed themselves to get clean and sober. I think on some level I didn't really believe that I could stop drinking; I had relied on it for so long, and tried to stop for so long. But I met people who had been drinking and using for decades and who had successfully stopped. That was very encouraging.

Anyway, made, whatever your path to recovery is, I hope it works for you! I know you're very worried about having substance abuse on your medical record. But your medical records are private, and substance abuse is an illness. It's not nearly as bad as having a criminal record (which lots of addicts also have).

Good luck and sorry to have gone on at such length.

Hi guys, just a quick update

I think I've come to my senses. I'm stopping taking the tablets, not tapering off. If my parents were to find out it'd destroy them. I feel guilty as hell still taking them too. It won't be pleasant, but I'll get through it. The symptoms started yesterday so hopefully by Tuesday it won't be too bad.

Felt guilty this morning. Mam's knee is hurting (first time in months) and she wanted co-codamol. She'd taken the ones in my room off me on Wednesday, but must have chucked them out. She's in pain, and she had to borrow a strip from my auntie. I feel so guilty, and she's not making things awkward but I can't even ask her if she's ok, because it's kind of my fault that she isn't. It's just something I'll have to live with I suppose.

Parents are being ok now, normal and it hasn't been mentioned since Friday. I still feel guilty though. I'll just have to keep going and hopefully as time goes by it'll get better. Maybe by this Wednesday I'll have forgotten, or have moments of forgetting, about things.

We had planned to go out for food tomorrow but I can't really see it as mam's working nights and will be tired. Maybe in the evening, we'll have to see. We're going shopping for clothes after work on Tuesday, and she should be off next Saturday so we could go out for the day then.

It feels like being in limbo, it's weird. In a way it's good my parents know and since Friday morning things have been more or less ok. The guilt I feel is awful, but I'm hoping that will go away eventually

. I think you've done the right thing. The physical symptoms will pass. The emotional side may be a bit harder, and I hope you can get some more support . I wish you well.

Definitely the right thing. Well done. Have you got rid of the ones you still had? Just to avoid any temptation if you're at a low moment?

Good luck with the withdrawal. It's the start of your new life - everything's looking up now. I'm rooting for you!

I've not thrown the rest out as they're in my desk drawer at work, I'm planning to get rid of them on Tuesday when I get back to work. At the moment it's not too bad - no aches or pains (yet anyway) - but bad diarrhea and I'm feeling tired all the time - despite being tired I'm unable to sleep for more than 7hrs at a time. But I'll get through it.

Good luck, made!

Hi, I’ve been following your thread. I’m glad things are better with your parents. I’m weaning off codeine (prescribed for chronic pain). Can I ask what dose you’ve been taking? I’ve been coming off 60mg 4 times a day. I’ve been dropping a maximum of 15mg a dose every couple of days though. I found the drop from 60mg to 45mg okay, and 45mg to 30mg but am taking 8mg from co-codamol with a 15mg as the drop from 30 to 15 seemed overwhelming.

If you’re going cold turkey I’d suggest getting some loperamide and buscopan (from over the counter) to help with the bowel side effects. It would be sensible to see a GP - it would help your parents see that you’re facing this head on and help you get the support you need. I understand why you’re reluctant to.

Great news op,this is the hardest part....stick with it,the outcome is so most definitely worth it. You'll feel tired,almost not with it and stomach will be upset...but remember it will pass Try eat little but often(otherwise just comes back out in some form 😕) Agree with pp,loperamide and buscopan are magic. Every day is another day down,in 4-5 days you won't believe the difference

Ugh, failed. Thought I'd thrown them all out but found some in bottom of bag. Stupidly took remaining 5 in Strip. Feel very guilty, about my parents. Feel quite cross with myself too. The best way Is not to have any temptation about. I've searched everywhere and none left so that's good. Once I throw the ones in work out I'll be good to go. I feel so annoyed with myself. Now I've got to lie and hide another thing (this blip) from my parents and I hate that. Can't wait til half 9 tomorrow to throw them out. Having temptation around is no good. If I get rid of them all I'll be doing myself a favour

Don't lie about the blip, perpetual lying is part of the illness OP. Challenge your illness by telling the truth. The whole principle of recovery is about examining parts of your personality that have changed through addiction and working to rectify those. Lying will just keep feeding the monster that is addiction. Don't feed your illness x

Ah @madein1995 it's a shame,your only lying to yourself. I do hope you find a place of honesty within yourself....cause that's really only who you have to answer to

How are you doing @madein1995 ? Don't panic over your "blip" but get yourself back to plodding on. That's all any of us can do. Like others on your thread I'm in recovery and of the good things I learnt in 12 step meetings was that all any of us get is today whether we've been clean/sober hours or decades, and if we try and live in 24hrs sized chunks then that comes as such a relief. I hope you can hang in there however today feels.