Codeine addiction

[madein1995]

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

It’s just typing. That’s why I thought it might appeal.

oh that's great, yes I'll give that a go then. Talking online would be difficult but typing easier somehow. Thank you bloomers

I'm on the chat now. It's just general chatter right now but someone's said top come back in 25mins for the meeting. They seem friendly, not as scary as I was expecting. Might go and put shopping away then come back online

I'm not sure whether or not i should speak in the meeting or just listen

That was different, good though. Maybe it'd work Better in rl, I might need to summon the strength to go to a meeting but that may take some time. It was what I was expecting but oddly enough not - I just kind of stayed quiet and listened to other people. The whole different time zones is weird! Not bad.

bloomer thank you so much for giving me the link, and urging me to try. I know I'd find it very challenging going to a meeting, it was hard saying hi on there. I'm proud I did though. Perhaps the next step is giving them a ring, I'll work up to that. I've already decided I'm going to log in tomorrow evening for the online meeting if there is one. so thank you.

I'm about to go to bed in a minute. It's been quite a long and challenging day. I have lost 4lbs though, which I know seems Like I'm focusing on the wrong thing but is an achievement anyway.

I don't want to sound soppy but I want to say thanks to everyone so far. Even the people who've left, they did give good advice and I do appreciate their care and support.

But I especially want to thank everyone who's stayed on here today. I know a lot of you don't Like what I'm doing, you're probably frustrated and fed up as well. But it means a lot you're still posting , especially on a day Like today. During the bit of unpleasantness earlier i thought a lot of people might turn against me and I'm really happy you didn't. I know that doesn't mean you agree with me and that's fine. But just the fact that some of you believe in me and keep trying with me, touches me. Thank you all, just for being there.

Oops just realise how my last comment could come across. When I said not bad I meant the time zones and layout of the chats etc. The actual content I could relate to a lot. It was good listening to others who've been where I've been

Well done for trying op. Will you do it again? Have you taken any tonight?

I am going to do an online one tomorrow Olivia. I have taken some yeah. I'm feeling a bit more positive though

Well done going to the chat room @Madein1995 that's a great step you've taken today. I don't think you'll have to speak in the online meeting, but I do think you would find it helpful to have a one to one private chat with someone on the helpline. Visiting the chat room will probably give you the confidence to do that.

Well done.

Well done, its a forward step

I've been watching quietly as a bit frustrated but its a process for you, you have to get to a point where you are ready to take the necessary actions yourself, we can only encourage you, it's you that needs to do it,

Glad you can have found some support online, thanks to PP, I still urge you to make an appointment with the GP even if you won't tell them about what really been happening to ask for that all important liver function test but maybe just maybe to put a piece of paper of their desk to say I need help codeine addiction and high paracetamol intake,

they can link you in with services refer you to local clinics to see specialist counsellors and vitally test your liver function because if failure kicks in its a painful death, they will write a prescription for you so if you are taking codeine that it's safer.

You wont stand a chance of getting a transplant in liver failure as they would literally need to be 200% assured that you are never going to touch its like again as you cant do that, and nobody can assure that because if you were in an accident (and I hope not) taken to hospital and given it while unconscious you are back to square one.

My partner in the year before I met him came off heroin, cannabis and legal highs and pure opium, he celebrated 11 years clean this month the first few years were the worst for him before he went to heroin he started out on codeine progressing to more and more drugs.

He was 22 when he sobered from drugs after starting his addiction first to codeine when he was 14 and it went from there downwards.

To start his day at one point it would be a 3/4 hour process using various things to keep him out of withdrawal, he was severely down the road of addiction and while he recognises he is now in recovery he still recognises himself as an addict.

He has managed to stay off with a combination of family support, accessing services (counselling, aural acupuncture, bowen therapy, massage therapy) thro a charity,

NHS services where he saw someone from the addiction team weekly at first, he is now at monthly appointments with the general team and 3 monthly appointments with the addiction psych,

he is drug tested randomly when he attends the chemist to pick up his Subutex which that days dose is a supervised dose (as people were selling it on),

last week after 11 years he is now down to weekly pickups (so on Mondays his dose is supervised, he gets the other 6 days to take home with him),

when he came off the drugs in the first place he spent time in the detox unit, that was some of the toughest days of his life. However, he didn't have the paracetamol complication as he went for pure codeine.

The first night we went out together he told me about his addiction and gave me the chance to run and he wouldn't hold it against me. 10.5 years later we are still together.

I had worked years before that in the rehabilitation centre before I changed jobs to a slightly different field using my mental health and social care qualifications

Well done, Madein1995, that's a terrific step forward in what we can see has been a very long journey for you.
We are going to bring this thread to a close now because we are concerned that over the piece it has been somewhat enabling. We won't be deleting it, however, so you will still be able to see the wonderful support you have received here, and, we hope, be further encouraged to seek real life support from organisations such as Dan247 (based in Wales) as well as NA. The very best of luck to you from all at HQ.