Codeine addiction

[madein1995]

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

cheese my first thought was to try and remove your message, purely because it's upset me. I haven't because I don't want to come across as someone who kicks off when she doesn't get her own way, and because I'm afraid MNHQ might pull the thread.

I get you see them as excuses but to me they're reasons. My first response to counselling was the expense - I didn't want to let on what a hold my parents have on me. The main reason for not going to counselling is that it'll bring up all kinds of stuff from childhood, which will be hard enough to deal with anyway let alone deal with it while living with the very people those memories are about. Besides which (petty point) but I don't really drink very much and yesterday was the first time in 2 months I've bought cocodamol. I don't feel ready to stop and it's better than stealing them and the backlash that'd cause.

I'm actually really happy people are still replying to me, even though I'm making a royal pain of myself. Just posting on here and receiving reassuring words really help. I really doubt for eg I'd have made it through my parents finding out, keeping as calm and not hysterical as I did, without people on here.

I don't necessarily want to work with substance abuse, more in a DV/family support role. I'm not perfect but no one is, and my work doesn't suffer as a result of me taking cocodamol. It might even improve as I'm more together. I'm good at supporting people, and I function well. I hid it for more than 2 years from everyone in RL.

My friend is really busy with uni and jobhunting although we are meeting up this weekend. Though every week might be obvious? My main barrier to accessing counselling is the memories as I said. It'll be really hard to live with my parents when I'm remembering all that went on.

I am going to stop. Once I get a permanant job I want to move out, and once I've moved out I'll stop taking the tablets.

This thread makes me so sad.

You sound like someone with much to give made

But I know there will come a day where you don't post on this thread anymore, because you'll be dead.

I won't kill myself, I'm going to be sensible, I will come off them. I'm not going to end up in prison or overdosing

You're already killing yourself made

Sleep isn't coming easy tonight, tablets not working so well, must be the overbearing, uncomfortable, ridiculous heat. Argh

I'm feeling a bit off today, just feel so sleepy, it's hard cos i know I've got things to do yet - shopping, gym, hair wash and straighten,, I can't just go home and chill out. All I want to do is cwtch up and sleep. Plus I'm feeling headachy

I really hope I've not drove people away :(

Oh no not at all, it's just that this forum is quieter so that's why most people use chat etc. Bit of a shame in a way.

I was glad to see you'd been communicating with the lady on chat about codeine as you'd know more than the average person x

thanks Lobster it's just after that bit of upset last night I was a bit worried everyone's fed up of me, I'm going round in circles after all. You're right this topic isn't as popular as chat, wish I could've left it there but it would've expired.

I like chatting to the other lady. Obviously we're quite different, but it's good to know I'm supporting someone and also to know it's not just me

Feeling a lot more relaxed tonight, not stuck to my weekend only rule but am sore after gym and rest of tablets are in drawer in work. Feeling happier and chilled, not so agitated. Did doze for an hour earlier before gym. Have been careful to take two tablets not more tonight. I don't want to feel dopey and sleepy tomorrow Like I was today

Op you need to face facts- you aren't in control of this. You might not like what cheese said but it's true. You are just full of excuses. You sound like my alcoholic dad with all the reasons you give. You hurt from the gym so you took some last night is quite frankly the worst excuse ever. You needed to take them as you are an addict.

You are wrecking your life and you need help. No one else can do this for you.

I know I'm addicted, I will change. I will stop, just not ter

I'm not going to take any now until Friday night. I need to make tablets last til Its safe again to buy more, which could be a week or two, so I need to limit myself

I will change
I will stop

?

When? You seem to be constantly making excuses! You say it helps you sleep etc, then you'll be off them for a short time, withdraw a bit, make some excuses then go back.

You need them put your system for weeks and weeks to get a healthy natural sleeping habit back. But you don't stay "clean" for long enough for this to happen.

I've got to be honest OP, but I've mainly stopped commenting as I'm banging my head against a wall reading your responses!

My mum was an alcoholic, and you sound just like her. She thought she could control it, she thought it was fine it just helped her nerves etc.

Well now my mums 6 feet under, so that's how she "got clean".

You either don't realise or are playing ignorant to the effects the drugs are having to your body. The only thing that will shake you into realisation is a trip to A&E cause you've been overdosing slowly. Wonder what your parents will say then when they've been thinking you are clean but in fact you've just been finding new ways to lie to them?

When you move out and you have no restrictions I think you'll end up killing your self with this.

GET MEDICAL HELP

I'm sorry about your mum lexie. My parents aren't going to find out, I know it was dangerous taking 10 at a time and im trying to cut down a lot. I know i should stop, I don't feel able to til I move out, but I want to limit the harm so I'm not going to be taking silly amounts or overdosing. My parents can't find out, it'd destroy them.

I'm not going to kill myself. When I move out I won't overdo it and end up doing something silly, I'll stop. I know I'm not clean long enough to feel a difference. But being clean feels so empty that I never stick to it. My intentions are good

Why do you think you will stop when you move out? You are kidding yourself, it's just an excuse to keep taking them for now. They'll be something else if you do move out, some other reason.

Oh and your parents will find out, I promise you that. You are a fool to think you can hide this for long.

You say you want to work with vulnerable people but that isn't going to happen unless you sort yourself out. What's more important?

When I move out I'll go to therapy which I'm hoping will help. I'm hopeful I can hide things - it's a case of not taking Mams tablets, only taking them at night so I don't seem high, arranging for deliveries only when I'm there and Mams in bed after working, not keeping tablets lying around the house/my room.
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Working with vulnerable people is much more important, but I think once I get a permanent job and move out I'll be better placed to tackle it.

Think I'm starting to get a few withdrawal symptoms :(

If you were taking ten at a time there is a very high chance you already have liver damage. You need to go to your GP and get a full liver panel done.

The paracetamol at the level WILL kill you. I need to be clear about that. Thats 5g in one go.

The codeine will be addictive, but it’s the paracetamol that will do the serious physical damage.

I'm not taking it at that level any more, I've not done for months 😊 I also never go over the max 8 in 24 hours, any more

Tonight is going to be a long night, I can tell. I put tablets in drawer, and been training today in different building. Would have been out of my way to get a strip for tonight, so didn't. Figured it wouldn't affect me, 1 night is no deal etc.
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Only withdrawals been threatening since midday and I can feel the aches already starting up. Why didn't I just collect them after work, what stupid point was I trying to prove?!

Not feeling too great now, already got diarrhea and feeling all angsty. Surprised it's kicking in so soon. Really don't fancy dealing with this til Friday :( might take tablets home with me after work tomorrow.

Or you just cope with these withdrawals, bin the pack, and never feel withdrawal symptoms again...

it sounds daft, but that's a lot harder than it sounds :/ I just know that if I wete to take something, all my current pain and discomfort would stop

I get the feeling that you are now just using this thread as a sounding board to justify your addiction made
I don't believe it's helping you at all.
What happened to tapering off? You could still do that? Unless you have a ready made handy excuse why not.