Codeine addiction

[madein1995]

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

hi I'm a codeine addict too. best think I did was tell gp. they aren't stopping them but letting me do at my own pace. they are also going to give me methadone to come off when I'm ready. I have a lot though. talk to your gp honestly they will surprise you.

Tough love works huh :)

I want to hear positive words from you only. No more putting yourself down when there is no need. So no seeing a therapist but keeping it private is not wrong, it’s a private thing! Most people don’t announce to the world “ok got to dash, my therapist is waiting”! The other things you do that are bad for you and you hide not for personal privacy but because you know it’s wrong, that’s different. Therapy, it’s normal to be private about it.

I talked to my friends about absolutely every detail of my mind and soul when I was suffering through an illness. They knew when I started going to therapy twice a week and they knew when I was going. I told them, I said it was surprisingly good, they said I seemed better those evenings afterwards, I told them I felt better and slept better those evenings. Once a friend said could she ask what we actually talked about. I think she was curious possibly for herself, as she saw what it was doing for me. I thought about it and said actually if she didn’t mind, I think I’d like to just leave the things there. Only things I didn’t share. It’s a personal experience and there is a space for privacy.

Tell me when you have a therapist.

OK day today. Mam in a mood as per usual: whinging about me needing car for work (despite me having had this rota for months) and how now she'll have to walk back from the shops (a whole 5mins). Shopping's been postponed which she was whining over. Apparently tesco was easier with the car - yes, never mind the shitty hours, the crap pay, never knowing where I was, unable to make plans etc, as long as she's OK

Apart from thst things are mainly good. Had a lovely catch up with friend earlier, we're going out next weekend. Diet is going well so far - I'm eating less but the points system makes me feel more in control than syns did. Plus by staying under each day I can just visualize the ice cream on Friday 😊

I'm failing a bit. I know i said i was going to get plain codeine as that's not got paracetamol in, only I remember last time I did that the high was nowhere near the same and I needed to take more to get the effect. But I am concerned about the paracetamol. So I'm debating ordering dihydrocodeine. It's not got paracetamol in it, but is stronger so I won't need to take so many as with the codeine and they should last longer. Ive never taken them before so I'd need to just take one and see how it goes. I need to decide by tomorrow really as that's when I need to place the order

Just realised I've completely ignored everyone's messages, will do a proper post tomorrow

Be careful with ordering dihydrocodeine. I had that once and it wasn't a good experience...it made me panicky and throw up :( It gives a different high and I know it's only my experience but it was awful.

song see that's what I'm concerned about, cos its new how I'd react to it. I wouldn't go straight in and take 2, I'd take 1 first of all but still. I really don't want to order Co codamols though cos of the paracetamol. Pure codeine is an option, but the high isn't the same - you wouldn't think paracetamol would make much difference but it does! Last time it really didn't affect me much and I was taking at least 8 at a time from my usual 6. Which not only isn't great health wise I suppose but id run out quickly as you can only order 100 at a time

Also song I'm having a look at that link you posted

ugh feeling a bit sick, I wont be just feel it. Maybe should have adjusted my Dose to allow for less food intake - the less you eat the bigger impact it has. I ought to know this

Sorry you're feeling sick made how many have you taken?
Yes eating and drinking certain things can have a big impact on how it affects you.

Do you not think maybe trying the pure codeine without the paracetamol would be like a stepping stone towards coming off them? You'll still feel the effects but won't be taking as much of a risk. I'm not sure why they don't affect you as much without the paracetamol, I've had similar though so I do understand.

I'm worried....I've got a feeling you're taking more than 2 at a time at the moment so you're overdosing still. What is it that's letting you do that, maybe it would help to write it down and express what that high means to you?

I am taking more than 2 at a time, taken 5 tonight, the sick feelings stopped now. I should have made myself sleep when I felt the high rather than farting about online. Now I'm more or less psst the high and itchy and I've got to try and sleep

I know its risky taking so many but it's the high. For the short time it lasts it's wonderful. If I only took 2 tablets they wouldn't touch my side and would trigger withdrawals tomorrow. The high is indescribable

I'm glad you didn't sleep, I'm worried about your breathing so feel relieved you stayed up for a bit.
I know, the high is good but it doesn't last long does it. I remember the itchy feeling, that was horrible.

Please don't think I'm lecturing you because I don't want you to feel bad about yourself but I think you're quite deep into this and need to get help. I don't think you can manage this on your own and it's a dangerous situation you're in. Have you got anyone that would go to a GP appointment with you? I know you don't want to do that, it's the last thing you want but the alternative is totally wrecking your liver or respiratory system and you sound such a lovely person who is utterly taken over by these damn opiates. You need someone to pull you out of this.

See your GP. My mum thinks her tramadol intake is controlled but I've asked her questions after taking it and she has answered ridiculously and has no memories so thinks she's fine.

It is illegal for your Gp to even hint at treatment or that they have even seen you.

Dear Made.
I work with codeine addicts all the time.
Please do not order hydrocodeine under any circumstances as you will just increase and worsen your addiction.You are at a stage now where you can seek help quietly and safely and beat your addiction ,hold on to your job ,keep your family's respect and good-will and keep every thing in your life as it is,just lose your addiction.
In a few short weeks or months you could be a completely different person,free from this addiction and constant worry..

If you keep going you will eventually lose your job and your family (if not your health or your life) and still have to deal with your addiction ,and then be left with no job,no career path,possibly no home and the ruins of your family relationship.
You have two paths in front of you.
Please choose the help that is there for you and go on to live the good life that is waiting for you.
I wish you all the best.

I didn't order dihydrocodeine as its a stronger drug and is basically upping my tolerance. I'vebordered - mam is working Friday and Saturday nights, I've paid extra for delivery before midday. I'll just need to be up early and fingers crossed it'll be fine.

Difficult night tonight. Friend is feeling very low and we've been messaging. I hope I helped but when I said words to that effect she said she has to go to bed and we'll talk tomorrow. Maybe she's just embarrassed, she's a private person. I did talk about myself a bit so concerned I was too self centred

Work is just bleep atm, all horrid tasks. Diets going well, did have an ice cream and exceed daily points but used up some weeklies instead. Feeling lovely sndb sleepy now so about to go to bed. Starting with 730 in morning ugh

Im glad to hear you didnt order the hydrocodeine Made,that was a very positive decision.Good for you.
Im in the pharmaceutical profession and I think the availability of drugs and medicines on the internet should never have been allowed and it is enabling and encouraging your addiction.
It makes me sad to think of it.
I will bow out now but I hope you will find the strength to talk to someone and find help for yourself.
You are treading water at the moment and soon you will need to choose to go to the shore or stay in deeper waters and drown.
Please make the right choice.
All the very best.

Mam is so ungrateful, and dad for that matter. I made them tea tonight using one jar of sauce - so it would be within my points, easy to calculate and anyway a jar serves 4, a family of 3 doesn't need 2! Also she was in a mood earlier so I bought her some flowers. I didn't remember which ones she liked so picked a bunch I thought was pretty.

Well. Apparently the tea is 'foul' - dad said to use 2, I told him 1 was enough. Apparently it's dry and disgusting and I don't listen. Of course dad chips in with the whinging. I don't see how a family of 3 can possibly need 2 jars - it's no wonder they are overweight if their portion sizes are so skewed!

The flowers are also wrong. Apparently 'I know she doesn't Like them' and to return them - obviously I can't. Not even a thank you just shouting about how it's a waste and how I don't listen and how I know she hates them, ungrateful cunt as she is. I've offered to throw them in the bin - told to 'stop keeping on' at her . She's still 'muttering' - loud enough for anyone to hear - 'she knows very well I don't Like big flowers, she just don't listen'. Feeling angry writing this but also upset. Might have a look what gym sessions are on.

Sorry to keep posting on here some of you might be sick of me.

Not feeling too great today. Feeling sick and Bad stomach, not sure why. Could be constipation or lack of food. I admit I am finding the diet challenging and I've had a few comments about how I'm eating less than normal. Hopefully I'll get used to it. Hopefully belly will be Better too - not sure if it's just hunger pains or a bug.

Hope not a bug, I've got to be up and about earlyish in the morning. Bit if a Shit day in work. Colleague made comment that upset me earlier, not meant maliciously and I'm sure I'm reading more into it thab I should.

Quite worried about my friend. We've chatted since last night but she's kind of just brushed it off, not that I've mentioned it either, think she's painting a face on. She's lost weight and looks awful - she's 7 and half stone and while technically in a healthy zone, looks anything but, get clothes are hanging on her. She's not a naturally tiny person - not big but always been a 10-12, now a 6 is too big for her. She admitted last night she limits her eating cos she likes being in control which I know is a red flag, I gently suggested she be careful and she just said she was fine. How her mother's not noticed I don't know, maybe she just believes she's stressed, but she looks ill. Her sister isn't fat - bit of puppy fat maybe - and is 11 and friend can fit into her clothes really easy. If she'd always been this size it wouldn't matter but she was a size 8 this time last year, yesterday she ate a yogurt, half a hummus sandwich and a ham salad (she asked what I'm eating on diet, I told her, she said I eat more than her when I'm on a diet). I know I'm blathering on but I'm concerned. I've told her its good to talk and not keep stuff bottled in and I'm always here for her, I'm not sure what I can do apart from that? Don't want to come across as telling her what to do as she'd hate that

Hi Made
I'm still here and reading. I don't think you can do anything for your friend except be there for her and maybe encourage her to talk.
Are your physical systems related to the codeine? I, like the other posters, am worried about you. As you can see with your friend, it's frustrating when you think someone is damaging their health and they don't seem to see it!

Honestly, I think the physical stuff - feeling sick, not going to the loo - are down to the codeine. I also think I'm not eating so much but haven't really dropped my doses down which could be an issue.

I've not heard back from volunteering yet so will email on Monday. Once I've got that sorted I'll get a therapist. It'd just be easier to explain away , that I'm volunteering the extra night, it would be believable. Starting therapy does make me nervous but it could be a good thing.

I completely get that it's not helping my health, I know it is. At the same time I don't want to stop. I know I should, but I don't want to. At the moment I'm focussing on damage control and researching therapists near to me. Maybe therapy will help me to cut back a bit?

I've taken codeine in the past for back pain and experienced the high, floaty feeling so I know how good it feels. I think you have a lot of past to explore with a therapist which will do you good.
But... I don't think a therapist will help you stop taking cocodamol. You are addicted to the feeling and feel flat without it. Even if the therapist helps you deal with all the awful issues around your family, you may still want that feeling.

lock I know I suffer with confidence and self esteem issues - after that comment in work yesterday I had to take 2 just to stop myself crying which I know would have been a complete over reaction, I'm just so keen to make friends and not upset anyone or make a tit of myself. I'm hoping that therapy will help in that regard - help me get over past experiences, get better coping strategies, maybe even improve my self confidence and not be so sensitive, it's Like I'm afraid of doing something wrong to turn people against me. Hopefully that'll help. I know I'll have withdrawals in any case and the initial feeling low, but by that time hopefully I'll be in a better place and feel able to access other help too

And even if I'm not off it completely even just doing it at weekends? I know my current position isn't great but once I get over this spell ... I mean some people do weed on a weekend or have a few beers. Maybe I'll be able to do it recreationally, eventually

Your denial is incredible.

No you won't be able to just do it at weekends or recreationally. Addictions don't work like that. To tackle this you won't ever be able to take it again. Alcoholics don't get to just drink on occasions, this is no different.

You will lose everything if you keep on this path. You won't be able to work with vulnerable people in your dream job.

A few weeks ago you were saying how you are just going to do it on weekends but that's not even the case now is it?

To be honest, it's not going to be long before your family find out if you continue on as you are. It's spiralling out of control now.