Codeine addiction

[madein1995]

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

Physically I'm a bit better but mentally I'm struggling a bit. I used.to love a lie in, now i cant stay in bed past 9 and I do miss the lovely sleep codeine gave me. I am craving it and for two pins I'd order it, but i cant as I don't know if dad would open the parcel and can't risk it.

Mam can't go one day without mentioning it. Not always in a horrible way but still. Just wish she'd move on. Yesterday i said i was getting up OK for work surprisingly and she says 'well you're off the tablets' in a disapproving voice

I lost half a stone and my trainers made a fuss and put a little 'well done' message on fb. The refuge still haven't got back to me re an interview - I might ring them this afternoon and chase it up. We're going away for the bank holiday so that's nice. Bless dad I think he wants to make things nice cos he tried and tried, so we're going down Dorset or Devon way I think, a caravan for 3 nights so that's nice

I'm struggling tonight. Nothing particularly has happened, but I'm just craving cocodamol. I want the nice sleep, that amazing feeling, and its killing me not having it. I want to order some. The only thing that's stopping me is the thought that dad might check my parcels. I don't think he would, he never has in the past, I'd probably be fine - but there's something in my mind telling me not to, that if he does find out it'd be Shit again. I just so so want something, The irrational part of me wonders how something that makes you feel so good can be so bad. I'm considering fb messaging my local drugs services, but something is stopping me - my desire to keep things hidden I think, I don't want my parents, mam especially, to find out and

Whatever you do, don't order any!! Of course your parents will find out. They will be on high alert.

Yes it feels shit at at the moment but you're still going through withdrawal. It will get better but you've got to get through this bit first.

I agree with other posters that you need help. Can you talk to your parents about how you're feeling and ask them for help? They might just surprise you.

I've not ordered any. The only thing stopping me is the knowledge that all hell would break loose if i were found out. I want them more than anything else but I'm bright enough to see that buying them would be the last straw. I am struggling though, restless legs again which is so annoying. Tired all the time, finding it hard to concentrate in work etc

I don't feel able to tell them. Their reactions at finding out about the drugs have made us even more distant in a way. Their reactions were so extreme that I don't feel able to confide in them. Mam in particular thinks I'm young and have nothing to worry about. I know for a fact that she thinks my mh is nothing to worry about and i should deal with it by myself. She said to me 'you're a young girl, what the fucks wrong with you, oh I can't deal with this'. If I told them it'd upset things all over again.

I do want to get better, I do. I just feel so bloody Shit

(((hugs))) OK the restless legs, can you say to one of your parents you are having them after stopping codeine.

As a straight up ask and to help you avoid temptation (this will show you trying) could one of them get you some epsom salts for restless legs? There is a high chance they will cos there is no chance of anything being addictive to those so it may be agreeable.

If your house has a bath soak in half to a full cup of salts for as long as you can, this will allow your body to take in magnesium via your skin which can help however shower down in plain water when done esp internally as it will ITCH like hell - then wash down in gel or whatever you normally use

Also spray bottle mixed with epson salt and tiny bit of oil (ive used olive in the past) massage into legs and feet which can help, can spray on and rub in, same as before its the magnesium

You will get thru this, still cheering for you

Keep going. You can do this 💐

Thanks, smurfy I'm going to try the Epsom salts, thank you

I'm so annoyed/frustrated tonight, I gained half a pound in slimming. I've been so good, I've stuck to my syns, I haven't snacked much, I've ate lots of fruit and veg, I've exercised, I've resisted ice cream and takeaways, I've said no to biscuits in work.

My rational head says it's only half a pound. I weighed a day early - usually do on a Thursday - and wasn't expecting to do I've ate quite a bit during the day (I usually limit myself on WI day), and I had a Freddo earlier. But I'm still disappointed. Ordered a pizza, ate 2 slices, now I've gone off it completely so will throw it I think. Healthy eating tomorrow and Friday, away the weekend but going to weigh in late next Saturday so I'll have 5 days to get it back on track.

I feel so bloody tired, but can't lie in. I feel flat too, just miserable and like I can't be bothered Eben though nothing is wrong. It feels like its gone from bright colours to grey

When will.the physic symptoms end? :( Feel.quite sick, headachy, still a bit twitchy, can't concentrate on anything even TV. And I'm constantly thinking of cocodamol. Anyone know how long symptoms last?

When did you last have some? Physically you'll withdraw for up to a week but the psychological withdrawal can definitely give you physical symptoms.

And one thing at a time. Addiction is a life threatening disease. So you haven't list weight - but you are only just starting to recover from this life threatening disease!! And you are doing it currently with no RL support. Be kind to yourself. Poor sleep and confused metabolism will affect weight loss and it's much more complex than just what you eat. So hang in there.

I really think you need some real life support - what is there local to you? Is there a MIND group or any Women's groups? Even AA if it's absolutely miles to an NA meeting. But I can stop bleating about it!

Hang in there... cravings attenuate, they really do.

Echoing what Eliza said: be kind to yourself. Half a pound in weight gain is nothing - women's body weight fluctuates with our monthly cycle, plus remember muscles weigh more than fat. You've probably lost fat but gained muscle which means you'll burn fat faster now - it's all good!

I definitely think you should mention that you're suffering with restless legs and ask your parents for their help. You said your dad is really trying to be kind and make an effort. Could you talk to him?

I've just done a scary but probably positive thing and fb messaged my local drug services. I've explained my issue and that I work all week so only free time is evenings and weekends, and am waiting for a reply. Feel a bit better but still numb - not happy or sad just meh

Well done. It might not feel like it, but you're doing really well coping all by yourself. I hope they can give you some support.

I think that's a brilliant step - well done you.

What are your plans this weekend? I hope you can keep yourself distracted, maybe around people.

Quite a good weekend on the balance of things. I've been on hols with no wifi or signal on phone so unable to come on here.

First, the bad (ish) part. I turned over on my ankle Saturday, not twisted but was quite painful, and mam offered me two cocodamol for the pain. I did take them, and was reminded of why I like them. I instantly wanted more, started making idiotic plans to order some etc.

Mam said 'it's ok to take them for pain but you've got to be in control' and that night, I tried telling myself I could be in control. I don't think I can though. I'd love to, but that feeling is lovely and I know if I were to start up again I'd not stop. I'm not really enjoying being off them - everything feels dull, the quality of sleep isn't the same (I say sleep, suppose it used to be more like passing out) and honestly, I preffered being on them.

But where would it stop? I'd never get into the police, I'd be spending silly money, I'd have to sneak around and be secretive, and I'd be constantly risking the relationship with my parents. I'd take too many and feel sick, I'd get stomach cramps, I'd panic sometimes I really had taken too many, I'd be constipated and when I did eventually come off them again I'd need to go through withdrawal.

I so want to say I'm in control, and a part of me says I've made a fuss over nothing and I'm ok really. But if that were true I wouldn't be fantasising about taking them. Being honest, sorry if it offends, I did prefer life before I stopped, but I know I need to.

Weekend has otherwise been a success. Lots of time on the beach and got a nice tan. The dog braved the sea for a change (only up to her paws though). Lovely, relaxing time and we didn't even really argue. Had the best pizza ever at a place near the coast - cheese, chorizo, onion and honey, was beautiful. Had a bit of an accident coming home - car went into us! Luckily everyone was ok, though dog was trembling and had to be cuddled all the way home.

Oh no made!!!! Why would your mum do that?!? I think a more firm approach is needed with your mum. I would suggest talking to her and outlining that you've had cravings since taking that dose for pain so it would really help if she doesn't offer you any opiate based pain killers in future. Having said that, I think you know deep down that the choice was yours to take them - you could have said no and you chose not to. Maybe explore why?

Well done for messaging a drug and alcohol agency I know that's a huge step for you x

fruit I know, I think abstinence is the way for me. I've been craving them already this morning, not in an 'I must have themb way but thinking it'd be making nice and making plans to myself before sorting myself out.

I think the trigger may be the thought of therapy. Yesterday in work my new friends were encouraging another to friend to try it, and I have thought it'd be good to me. I mentioned if casually to mam - she was quite dismissive of it and said that I wouldn't want to go, I just agreed to make things easier. In a way I think it'd be best waiting til I leave home anyway. Some of the bad stuff will be about my parents and I know that'll be hard emotionally let alone dealing with it while living at home.

The agency signposted me to another agency, but I've not had the courage to email them yet

Hi Made was popping back to see how you are getting on?

Things have been eventful i see, a car accident, going over on your ankle, weekend away with lovely pizza, lots of dog cuddling, contacting the drug agency even tho you have been signposted onward.

Sorry to state the obvious but your mam has no understanding of what you are going / have been thru.

Totally understand taking the 2 cocodamol and them helping the pain for you but also because you have now been without them 2 gave you the feeling that made you feel nice before.

Remember recovery doesnt always go in a straight line, it can be 2 step forward and 1 back but as long as you keep trying you are doing the best you can and that is all you can ask of yourself.

You need to deal with emotional stuff when you can, you know yourself best.

Have you maybe considered looking at somewhere to live or even scoping out an area which would allow you to get to work easily and be affordable for you as Im aware you are still on probation in new job.

I see you went over on your ankle and in your opening post you mentioned you started taking 1 or 2 for dislocations. I am not medically trained but if you are having twists a lot, dislocations - could you possibly be hypermobile?

That would be worth a trip to the GP from the point of view if twists / dislocations are happening then you may be prescribed physio as they can show you how to relocate them if needed and also non opiate pain killers. Just say you dont want to go down that route (opiod / opiate type pain relief) you dont need to say why.

For example a TENs machine, strapping, bracing can all help. gels, heat / cold packs as looking at the big picture thats what lead you to take a couple of cocodamol in the 1st place and may help a bit with where physical pain comes from while you deal with other things.

((((hugs)))) from me and the cat

Hi Smurfy, things are going ok(ish) although I'm still finding it tough. I've been clean now for 2 weeks but most days I wish I wasn't if that makes sense. I'm sleeping a bit better, but still feeling anxious - starting proper work next week - and struggling to cope with that, and feeling down. It's so hard. I so want to order some more cocodamol, but I know it would be a waste to do it now. It takes such an effort. I think I'd have ordered by now if I wasn't scared of dad opening it - most of my parcels come from amazon and aren't signed for so I think he might be suspicious if he had to sign for a parcel not in amazon packaging.

Mam definitely doesn't. She thinks that it's all over and sorted now, but it's not. It's a daily struggle, and I don't mean struggle as in 'not eating cake is a struggle' (which is actually easy in comparison) but a proper, uphill, mental struggle that requires me to block out my most basic wants for the hope of things getting better. The feeling was so lovely; I'm going to sound like an addict now, but the feeling is like nothing I've ever felt. Even though I'm over the physical withdrawals, I miss them so much.

It's so hard staying positive. I'm not used to feeling negative and hate when I do. Sometimes I feel it for no reason, I feel self concious a lot of the time, I feel down quite a bit. I might feel pissed off, fed up with work, tired and bored. It's so hard dealing with those feelings. Wednesday was an example. I had a splitting headache, it was raining out, mam was whinging on about something, I was starving (diet) and I just wanted an escape. Instead I had to put a smile on and carry on - home, chat, tea, gym, bed - and it was so bloody hard.

I'd love to move out, but my contract in work is only 15 mnths and there's no guarantee I'll be kept on. Or if I am kept on there's no guarantee it'll be in the same area - I might need to move areas/roles/departments or even a completely different job. I've looked at moving out but I'd struggle financially (not helped by my current - luckily interest free - overdraft). As soon as I get a permanant job, I'm going to look at moving out. It'll be good for me. I loved having my independence in work, and I'm sure living at home is doing me no good at all. I need to just 'be' without feeling tension/nagging etc.

I see you went over on your ankle and in your opening post you mentioned you started taking 1 or 2 for dislocations. I am not medically trained but if you are having twists a lot, dislocations - could you possibly be hypermobile?

I don't know if I am hypermobile as such, but you're right it could be worth a visit. I do have a bad knee occasionally and definitely tend to go to cocadamol at the first sight of any pain (physical or mental, I struggled coping through a headache without it) so having different options might be good.

I'm bricking it for work on Monday, when it starts properly. I met my manager and he seems ok but not very friendly/smiley which worries me a bit. I've had 4 weeks of training but am certain I've taken very little in and will be lagging way behind the others. The managers and upper managers desks will be right behind me too so no chance of looking at phone/music etc - I don't mean to sound lazy or anything, but I just know I will be on edge having them able to see me/my mistakes/any screw ups.

I'm no good at being new to a job anyway. I'm a people pleaser, so I hate upsetting people and getting things wrong. I hate being a nuisance, and am so eager to please I often screw up. I'm self concious and on edge, and sensitive to any criticism too - I take it right to heart. I know that I shouldn't, that mistakes are normal at first, but that's easier said than done. I just know I'll make a fool of myself somehow. I have good intentions; those good intentions usually work against me and show me up as a sensitive, annoying, mess.

I'm really struggling this week. It's the first proper week and the team leader is very hands off. She's not very friendly or approachable, has made very little effort with any of us and it just feels like we're being left. She was temporarily promoted but is now back down so maybe think she's looking to move up. Nothing wrong with that but she's rarely in the office, doesn't let us know where she's going, and we're having to constantly remind her to send work out. Our HEO is lovely, he's made an effort and is approachable.

The mentors are OK but today there were 2 to 11 of us newbies. You've got to fight for their attention and when you're at the back of the room it's difficult. I spent a period today getting really worked up over a task - team leader wasn't there, mentors were deep in conversation and said 'they'd be there soon' - 20 mins later. All the while I was getting myself more and more worked up. I.umderstand they're busy and if they wrre helping other people I wouldn't say so much (understand I have to wait my turn). But we were told we'd have 5 mentors. We have 2. There are 3 more but it's a huge office with 6 teams, the other 3.mentors seem to spend time floating around the other - more experienced - teams.

The work yesterday was fine. It was very repetitive so nice and easy going. Not so today. They're not hard as such but every task is different and it can be a lot of hassle. I was going fine up until 3pm when I'd nearly finished a huge task - spent hour and half on the bloody thing - then realised I'd (and mentor had) missed something and had to redo. There were no mentors about and I just got really stressed. I decided to leave it until tomorrow. I've got some similar tasks to do tomorrow so that'll be challenging to say the least.

Ive calmed down a bit now. When I think about it, the huge task is quite simple when broken down. It will take me some time to do and I will need some.help, but it's not the mountain I made it out to be. I think i panicked myself a bit and just frazzled out

I've been finding it OK so far, but from 3pm onwards it was really stressy and I'm just trying not to think about tomorrow. I'm also hoping we'll either get given nice tasks or at least ones that today which although time consuming and a pain, aren't too difficult. In a way it's a good thing my brains working. I've not felt this frazzled since uni, I suppose it means I'm using my brain. Also I'm surprising myself with how easy I'm finding certain tasks, and I am able to help other people too. It's just this one task has scared me off this certain type of task.

Hi Made
I find all new jobs feel like that. Try not to worry. You'll soon get the hang of it all and keeping busy is a good thing! You're doing so well.

I'm really conflicted at the moment. I've done something I should be ashamed of. I took a strip of mam's co-codamol from her bag last week, kept it til Thursday and had half Thursday night and half last night. I know why - the stresses of work and knowledge that I've got a few difficult tasks to tackle on Monday - which I'm dreading.
I don't feel too great this morning, I seemed to go past the nice high place to the sicky/out of it place.

Mam's not noticed they've gone missing, and she's used her bag every day since then. I think they might have relaxed a bit. Though I've put the empty packet under my pillow for now and I heard her talking crossly to dad and for a second thought she'd found them (she hadn't) and my heart almost stopped for a minute, I just froze.

I've looked online and seen that if I order tablets today they'll arrive Monday, I'm relatively sure dad wouldn't open them. Mam's working Sunday night so will be in bed all day Monday and won't go snooping. But dad will need to leave the house at 3 to come get me from work, and what if they deliver when he's out? They'll bang and bang and mam'll come down and she'd see the package addressed to me, and the fact she's got to sign for it, and she'd definitely put two and two together and open it. The thought puts the fear into me.

Sensibly I know it's best to err on the side of caution and not order them for Monday. I'm off work one day in July so if anything I should wait, see how I feel and if I really want to, order for that day so I can intercept the order. But even so I know she's not working the night before my day off so will be about and that's a risk.

There's no way of ordering them without the risk of being caught is there? And knowing my luck I would be. I'd risk dad - I think he's forgot about it and it wouldn't occur to him - but mam is shrewder. If she had to sign for a small parcel addressed to me alarm bells would ring (plus she's nosier anyway - my privacy has never been a concern of hers).

I'm so tempted to order them, they're literally in my basket online now. If I could choose the delivery time I'd order them right away, but I can't. And it's a small 'what if' but what if they arrive when dad's not here? If I do order them I'll be on pins all day Monday. Help.

This isn't the advice I should be giving you but....

Could you not have them delivered to work?

I don't think so :( I work for the DWP so all mail gets sent to a central holding place and scanned before being passed onto us. I can't see it being sent to work and even if it was, I can't see security letting them in. I could collect it from chemist - but nearest chemist that does that is 15 miles away, as I don't drive it's tricky. I've not ordered yet but have emailed company and asked if I could specify a time for them to be delivered. If they say yes and I could ask for them between 5.15 and 6.15 that'd be fine

Don’t order any. You’re doing really really well and you’ll absolutely kick yourself if you do order some.
Your best bet is to see the doctor, or even go into a pharmacy and just speak to the pharmacist about it. They have to have a professional opinion and you’ll feel better for talking to someone about your addiction. Please don’t order any.
Codeine addiction is real, but as you’ve been off them for two weeks, the next part is definitely easier. Keep going!

Does codeine honestly affect mood? I always think of it as just a painkiller for physical problems.

Sorry OP that you're struggling