Codeine addiction

[madein1995]

Hi

I'm new here so please be gentle. I'm posting here for traffic, and just want to know about others experiences of codeine/co codamol and how they've overcome it.

I never really used it a few years ago. Mum had it (prescribed) and I'd take a tablet or two when in pain (dislocations etc). When I came home from uni I was unemployed and really down/depressed for about 5 months, and I started taking it heavily then.

Since then, I've used in stages and in different levels. I've gone through periods of using it every day, during the day, only using it at night, and of course withdrawing when the prescription ran out. It sounds daft, but the feeling it gives me is incredible. Providing I know my limit and don't take too many tablets that I feel rough the next day, I'm fine. I'm more positive, cheerful, happy, and I sleep better. I honestly feel sometimes there's no downsides. I function perfectly normal and noone in real life would guess. Mother doesn't notice her prescription going missing as she never uses it (ironically as she doesn't want to get addicted).

I'm not stupid though. I know it must be doing me some harm though. When I withdraw my body aches, I have diarrhea, I have restless legs, I have worse sleep and I suspect that physically at least I am dependant on it.

I can't admit it to anyone in real life. I hate withdrawal. I feel so on edge and down all the time, and part of me can't wait til next Wednesday for mum's prescription to come in, to have more. At the same time I'm going through withdrawal and I'm thinking what is the point in going through this only to have to go through it again, in the future. I want to join the police in the future and know that my cocodamol use will need to stop for this.

The fact that I feel so down without it scares me. I feel really depressed, and I don't know if it's a result of withdrawal or just not medicating. It's not right. I was a lot happier three years ago, and I have been through some stuff since then (not dramatic, unemployment, being assaulted, unemployment, bad family relationships). But surely I should be able to move on from that? I can't let on to anyone that I'm hurting inside, and I should be able to move on from that. I can't afford therapy.

Basically, I'm very confused, a bit scared and a lot fed up of going through withdrawal all over again. I would appreciate support if anyone has been through the same thing.

Thanks guys :) I think I'm going to hold off on ordering. Mainly because knowing my luck I'll get caught. I so so want to though, literally only thing stopping me is that mam could take for it and open it.

Languid it's not a painkiller like paracetamol is, it's an opiate - the same family as heroin but nowhere near as strong. It gives you (or at least me) a warm happy feeling, it really helps me cope with life, it makes my worries melt away, feel like nothing or no-one can hurt. It's something you can't really explain - when you take it it feels so fantastic that you think you've discovered this marvellous new thing, even though you know it's no good really.

The effects aren't as obvious as other drugs either - I've been taking it for over two years and only last month did my parents realize, I can function when on it. I think it's a hidden problem maybe and is more common than people think. Because it's a painkiller and not an illegal drug like heroin or speed etc, it's very difficult to face up to the fact that it is an addiction.

Thanks for explaining that. I've wanted to ask on this thread before but hesitated as I was worried it might be insensitive and derail.

Oddly enough I have a relative's packet in the cupboard, might be out of date now.

Job sounds great, hope you can hold off :)

Can I make a suggestion? Go back to the beginning of this thread and read it again all the way through. I think it might help you to see just how far you've come, how awful it was when your parents found out, and how hard you found it coming off the tablets.

It sounds like you need to go and see your GP and ask for help. If you're worried about privacy, ask to see one of the other doctors at the practice instead of your usual one. They will know how to help you as you are dangerously close to a relapse.

Do you remember posters telling you that the dose you were taking was so high that you could literally drop dead the next time you take it?

Ordering more tablets is not an option for you. Sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but I've been following your thread from the beginning and rooting for you, and think you are incredibly strong. But you don't seem to have realised that you can NEVER take another co-codamol tablet for the rest of your life.

PLEASE stay strong. PLEASE reach out to someone in real life for help. And remember that for all their faults, your parents love you very much and it would absolutely destroy them if anything happened to you.

ignatius thank you for talking straight, I needed that. I actually appreciate you being harsh - I need it. I read back over the thread and got a bit emotional reading the posts I wrote when my parents found out. I can remember it like it was yesterday, it was awful. The thought of that happening again doesn't bear thinking about.

I do remember being told that, and it did scare me. I've felt quite ill today really - a bit dizzy, out of it, and I've had stomach pains. But the feeling was nice.

The forever part I'm struggling with. I'm getting stressy with work and know that co-codamol would sort things out. I know I could order them easily and it'd probably be fine. But there's the risk that mam could find out. The thought of not taking co-codamol for the rest of my life upsets me. It's daft but it's like losing a friend; it's been there for me and suddenly I can't go to it anymore.

It's really hard. I feel as though it's not a big deal, that I need it. It's bad but I feel a bit indestructible - that I won't overdose next time, which I know is a bit silly. Part of me thinks I did it for so long that it's safe. You're right, I've not faced up to the fact that I can never use it again. Like today; the reason I thought twice was that it might come when dads out and mam might open it. If I lived alone, or was home that day, I would have ordered it without a second thought.

I don't want to hurt my parents. I've got used to having them again for the past two nights and I want them again. I'm having a drink (only a few ciders) to take the edge off but it's nowhere near enough. I can't help thinking that I and everyone in RL has made a big deal of it and that I'm ok. Probably because I want to be ok.

didn't order any in the end but took another strip from kitchen table. Mams not noticed and if she does I'll tell her she can look in my room - she won't find anytging.

I've would myself up again with work. I've got a few difficult cases to get through but I'll do it - with some help. It will be fine. I'm just getting myself all worked up as normal.

I took 8 between midnight last night and midday today. I got off OK last night but the ones I took this morning gave me really weird dreams, and just made me shaky and itchy rather than high. I'm feeling a bit bleurgh now physically, though mentally I'm numb. Might try and go down for an hour on the settee

Ugh I'm feeling rough, and it's all my own bloody fault. Feel dizzy, sick, tired, still a bit out of it, dry mouth, just feel disgusting. Spent the afternoon snoozing on sofa although only light sleeping

We live in a country area and my DD had to see her GP about something very difficult - not only did GP know her since a baby but he was previously professional partner of her doctor Dad. GP treated it with total professionalism and confidentiality. So please put that sort of worry from your mind.

I think you do need some support to put this behind you; and I am full of admiration for you that you have recognised the problem and are prepared to seek help. Well done.

Please do take note that codeine is as you know an opiate and can cause addiction, but also take note that if you are taking more than then stated dose of cocodamol you will be taking an overdose of paracetamol (as someone above has pointed out). Codeine can cause addiction, which is bad enough, but overdosing on paracetamol is far more dangerous and can cause terminal liver damage and put your life at risk.

I do hope that you get the help you need - addiction is not a matter for shame, but a matter of getting treatment.

I never take codeine because I am acutely aware of the "high" that I get from it, so you are not alone in your physical response - some people are more susceptible to this than others.

Lots of good luck in putting these problems behind you. You have taken the first step.

It is hard to know whether to say this to you - but I worked in hospitals and know from seeing first hand what paracetamol poisoning can do. I saw one patient who recovered initially, and was glad to have survived, subsequently die slloly of liver failure. I am not trying to scare you but to help you move forward.

If you see your GP and talk about it he/she will be able to help you reduce your dose under supervision with pure codeine and not the deadly addition of paracetamol.

I really do think that your Mum does not grasp the situation properly.

Take care.

slowly

Im sorry this may seem harsh but you need to pull yourself together. Stealing your mums and taking them when you know the consequences when they find out shows you need help from the doctor you cant do this alone clearly. You also need to get anxiety medication or something. Your stressing about work and just things like the weather etc is like my sister and she goes into total anxiety melt down without her beta blockers. You are basically a prescription junkie.

I think you need to go on youtube and watch - hbo warning this drug may kill you, and realise you are in real danger of ending up like one of the poor souls in it who started off taking opiate prescription drugs.

Sorry this is harsh but seriously get your head out the sand. Cocodamol is not good for you, its seriously damaging.

Apologies- not read the whole thread, but do you have EDS? You mention dislocations...

It worries me how easily this is prescribed for people, I had a problem with my hip and was given 100 codeine tablets, no paracetamol in them, I certainly didn't need that much and the surgery then put it on repeat which meant I had boxes of the stuff!
I can see how easy it is to get addicted as I too got the lovely high feeling from it
Please get some professional help op, it won't be easy but surely it's got to be better than this

@madein1995 i wrote you a post last night but lost it as i fell asleep,

I know you are stressed at work, please get help with this as the "binge" is like binge drinking effect, you did have a tolerance before and after 2 weeks clean you dont have now, you need real life in person help.

Its only a matter of time till its not reversable. Chip chip chip away at the damage of continued paracetamol on your liver, add to that all the codeine it has to process in short spaces of time and normal workings of it, plus a few ciders etc. You do not want to treat it badly.Think of it like alcohol in that sense as might be easier to understand.

Its great you recognise you need help and started this thread however you also need real life support and medical support.

That amount of codeine and paracetamol in a 12 hour period is dangerous, www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/aches-pains/a26373/co-codamol-side-effects/ the codeine will have its own effects however it is the paracetamol as @ignatius and @Mishappening say is dangerous is correct as well.

@LanguidLobster Codeine changes to morphine in the body and thats why it relieves pain and can be so addictive.

The amount of paracetamol in each tablet is 500mg so 8 in 12 hours when max is 8 and is meant to be spaced over 24 hour period and with at least 4-6 hour breaks between each dose. As this is prescription co-codomal the codeine is 30 mg per tablet rather the the 8mg/500mg which can buy across the counter with consulation with pharmacist.

So in the 12 hour period @madein1995 had 240mg codiene / 4g paracetamol which the recommended dosing in that time is half that would have been 120mg codiene / 2g paracetamol - taken as 2 x 30/500 co-codomals or broken down 2 x 30mg of codeine and 2 x 500mg paracetamol - the paracetamol and codeine combined as a tablet so that would be 2 tablets and the next dose taken at least 4-6 hours later,

so can see where the ops body is being overloaded with codeine and paracetamol, quickly and to dangerous levels

I am explaining it out for anyone who might be reading and wondering what exactly co=codomal is, its not medical advice just the recommended dosing

Its very much like spinning a russian roulette wheel.

Like @Mishappening who has seen the effects on someone first hand what paracetamol poisoning can do,

I lost 2 friends during days when my mental illness was severe and i spent a lot of time in psych units, codeine was a factor for one of them, impulsivity was with the other who went with paracetamol as a main along with a load of other stuff, both of them regretted what they had taken and was glad to be alive and making plans for a future,

Both of them received the antidote, it was the paracetamol that killed them as it was liver failure in both cases, Could see the detoriations happen as both were moved from main psych wards where we were all in bays at the time with about 4 side rooms on the ward. as soon as what i know now was the detoriations they moved first to the side room where they were more intensively nursed and then to medical unit and 1 died in ICU the other in HDU, both declines were slow but liver failure for someone both cases who now wanted to live but couldnt.

The other thing you need to be acutely aware of and I am being straight and tough love about this, your mum may be monitoring what amount she has herself even though she hasnt said anything at this point. So watch out this could blow up at some point you arent expecting it

if she got a months prescription say for example and is using them herself properly now for whatever condition she prescibed them for there should be 224 in pack and if she realises there are strips missing,

You are back several steps and may need to find somewhere to live asap or get treatment via gp and referral for addiction services.

Also i will add here if you were to have an accident of some kind, you might want to consider when in a better place on your recovery journey, a medical bracelet, (the one i have is now known as nomination bracelets) just add in (no opiates) and a seperate link for any conditions if anyone asks in general, "allergic" but no further explaination needed,

smurfy2015 I genuinely didn't know that, I thought people got addicted to painkillers just to get rid of physical pain. I like it when people tell me things! Sounds like you've had a tough time.

I'm really sorry for letting people down, especially you smurfy. I know I've fucked up again. I honestly don't want to die. I'm such a fuck up. Everyone at work is stressed, but I bet it's only me who takes tablets to deal with it.

I know I have to be careful with mam. It can't be like before where I'd take packs quite often - I can't do that now. I'm not going to take anymore packs, the thought of them finding out sends shivers down my spine. It would be the last straw.

madein1995 no you're not a fuck up, you're trying to overcome this. Please don't hurt your little liver though!

Your gp can help you. Believe me, they will not bat an eyelid at you doing something "illegal" they will have seen far worse. You need to get a prescription and allow them to help you slowly wean yourself off it. This is very common. But you must stop using it mixed with paracetamol. If you are using more than 4g paracetamol a Day consistently, you will be damaging your liver.

You cannot stop this on your own - see your gp.

No @madein1995 (((hugs))) you havent let me down, you havent let anyone down.

You do need to seek real life help but will support you all the way on the thread, my pom poms are still going, you can do this.

Addiction is vile. It seeps in slowly and rots around it.

You havent let anyone down as its a relapse of illness in the same way no one would berate someone for having a relapse of an illness like cancer.

You can get thru this, you have great inner strength as you have made it clean from this addiction for 2 weeks.

None of us wants to see you with liver damage esp where you are irreversible and are dying,

You havent fucked up, you are relapsed

Definitely make a GP appointment and be totally honest, even if you cant explain it in words have it written out on paper to shove onto the desk for the GP

I wouldnt worry about entry to the police and your medical files at this moment as I have known psychiatrists who became inspired and interested in medicine while patients on psych wards themselves and then came back to work on same wards several years later, nurses too.

Remember you havent let me or anyone down, holding you hand for as long as you need

And FYI you will not be prescribed methadone for a codeine addiction. You would simply get YOUR OWN prescription for codeine which can be reduced very slowly. Let's face it, going cold turkey or reducing it yourself had not worked has it? Let someone help you. Aren't you fed up of all the lying and hiding? I am a gp btw. You need help. See your gp.

So it’s a Daily Fail link but you might find this article helpful. You have an addiction. It’s going to be very difficult to break on your own. If you don’t, as pp say you could cause irreparable liver damage. Please go and see you me GP. I know you don’t want to admit you’ve been taking your Mum’s prescription but I think it’s going to be an important part of your recovery.

Op, please get some help whether its GP, NA or other. Your Mum is going to find out if you take any more from her.

Addicts are usually looking for some emotional support/connection, when they dont get it from their people, a warm fuzz from drugs can be that warm hug you yearn for. Unfortunately this warm hug will kill you. Slowly. Painfully.

I bet there are other people in your work place using medication for stress but they are probably taking anti depressants prescribed by their GP. Have you considered that as an option?

I am concerned that moving out and of your Mum and Dads is going to give you the freedom to buy online. And that makes me concerned that when you have your own packs there you will loose track of how many you have taken, make yourself very ill and kill yourself. Is that what you want? Any lower back pain yet? That will be your liver in trouble. Have problems having a poo? Opoids can cause colon bowel dysfunction/paralysis and IBS.

Can you not just say to Mum or Dad that you saw the pills in the bag where you share stuff with your Mum and that professional advice says it might be better if they hid them somewhere else. Why does your Mum have them if she isnt taking them?

It sounds like it has been difficult growing up with an ill Mum, I totally understand that, I was that child too. But, you no longer a child and need to take control of making positive choices for your life. You mentioned counselling previously, please explore that option so you can understand how your background has affected you and how you can move on from that.

betty yeah I have problems going for a poo (sorry for tmi) but no lower back pain. I know what you mean re moving out, it'd be so much easier to get them if I moved out.

I've watched a bit of that hbo documentary. It's sad, those poor people - at the same time I see it as them and me, as though I'm not as bad as them.

Thanks for all your advice guys, I've got a lot to think about. I'm not sure whether I will go to the GP but will think about it. Took all my willpower not to take another packet tonight, instead the withdrawals are starting up :( nothing major yet, just going to the loo more often, slightly restless legs and a headache. Work tomorrow will be fun

Wish you all the best. But we're rooting for your little liver!

thanks lobster

I really thought last time I went through withdrawal would be the last time sigh I'm just being a self pitying fool but I am suffering the symptoms, after only a weekend too. Didn't think my.body would get used to them so quickly

You've had an actual GP further upthread telling you that your GP will give you your own prescription... isn't that what you want? And without paracetamol so it isn't dangerous.

You can do it! And think how proud you'll feel after taking that step.