Wave your snorkel in the air like you just don't care!

[serialtester]

Open.

Lost, say something wise!

Eeeeek sorry sorry sorry. I'm the one who should fuck off, I'm being an unhelpful twat. Sorry 🙈

So OH is here but in some kind of mood. How come I tell him I'm struggling with everything I've got going on and somehow he ends up being in a bad mood with me?! Sorry - I know this isn't the Relationships board.

Don't worry, Cleaning I think about coke all the time anyway so you're not reminding me of something I'd forgotten about!

Well done on your job. It's awful that you were hounded out by cuntyballs but here's to pastures new .

Sorry Got to answer your question - I would be very sad if the relationship ended as we do have a good time together (and not just with coke) but it would also remove a lot of complications from my life. So I'm very torn.

Witty I wonder if OH just can't deal with you being vulnerable and needing support? I hope you manage to have some sort of heart to heart with him. Whatever happens, you're strong and you'll be alright
(sorry I'm not very good with relationship advice!) but handhold x

Hi surfers I've been up to my eyes in eggathon 2017, sounds like you've all been surfing like mad tonight!

Lost I'll be your counsellor, I've had more therapy than hot dinners.

I've pyjamarated and off to bed night all x

Hi surfers I've been up to my eyes in eggathon 2017, sounds like you've all been surfing like mad tonight!

Lost I'll be your counsellor, I've had more therapy than hot dinners.

I've pyjamarated and off to bed night all x

SO just got back from local CA meeting, and I was most definitely the odd one out.....on account of never having resided at Her Majesty's Pleasure. Or been homeless or done heroine. Fuck!!!! I was so ready not to have any preconceptions! But BOOM there they were 15 burly tattooed men in a room....all SO sweet!! One made me a cup of tea, while another reassured me I didn't need to share if I didn't want to. I did want to raise my hand and ask if there was a middle class version of the group anywhere, but didn't think it would go down well.

Anyway, in all seriousness the whole thing was incredibly humbling...and A stark reminder of where this shit can lead.....whilst I can't say I related to their stories, I definitely connected with the feelings they all had..of hopelessness, feeling trapped, and soul destroyed. I came away with a sponsor (one of the three women present). We are talking tomorrow at 2pm.

Sunday is my 45th birthday, A good day to start my sobriety I hope.

Flat AA is more your friend here, addiction and recovery process the same just the words different.

CA is hideous

Sorry I meant in terms f relatable stories, sorry I sounded like a dick then

Thanks pickle, it's a whole new world really, good to get some inside info. There are stacks of different meetings, I hope my sponsor will point me in the right direction. Just feel so relieved to have started the process formally. Been trying on my own for so long.

Hope everyone else is enjoying the surf tonight 😘

I'm so proud of you flat it's brilliant you have a sponsor.
It must be tempting to come away from that thinking you don't have a problem in the way that a lot of those other CA members have, but I think our thread shows there are plenty of middle class women in the same boat as you we just don't have the balls to go to meetings.

I must admit when I went to a meeting aged 19 and said my "story" I cried It's makes it very real saying it out loud.

Go you! I'll still be here if you need some extra support x

Went out into deep waters tonight (friends house) left when the mention of setting up a line was made. It was hard. At least tomorrow I'll only be a bit hungover. Feel a bit flat now though.

Glad Project Egg is progressing, Pickle

Serial you win some sort of trophy for doing that. That must have been HARD, like pulling away from a very strong magnet. You're a legend.
Respect for The Bishop.

It was very very hard. Part of me feels like going back. I could be with them right now getting fucked up. I'm going to bed though!!

Thanks lost, this thread is amazingly helpful in lifting the shame. Until I met you lot I honestly felt like a total freak for being a mum AND a coke head. I just think I am now ready to ramp up the recovery process. Really hoping this does it. Hope you are managing to surf safe tonight lost

Serial you are a fucking legend....you might feel a bit flat now, but if you had given in, you know you would have hollow as hell tomorrow.

Night lovely ones x

Have *felt hollow as hell

flat you've nailed it with the word hollow, that's exactly how it feels!
Brilliant description.

Just imagining how I could have felt this morning is making me feel hollow! It's so not worth it for a quick high.

Had a really good nights sleep. Being sensible is worth it.

Such a beautiful morning for feeling fresh- faces. I hope you surfers are all feeling the warmth in your face today, especially if you fell off last night x

Yes indeed, Hollow will always Follow.

Serial I'm putting your Surfing with Balls trophy in the post.

Cleaning hope your head is ok

Wishing all surfers a sunshiney day

I think we should have a 'Gokden Surfboard' award!

I'm not sure I'm deserving of a Golden Surfboard yet, Pickle! I'm only managing to go a couple of weeks clean at the moment, although I did get to 3 weeks before my last sabotage.

Maybe a Good Effort certificate for me.

Feeling optimistic for this weekend though. I've got loads of washing done and mowed the grass like a normal grown up on a weekend

Hello all! Feeling slightly hungover but more excited to notice lol. Have done lots of cleaning with a big grin on my face today.

Our holiday is around the corner too so lots of clean weeks ahead I hope!