How can I wean my mother off the Damart catalogue

[KassandraOfSparta]

OK, she is 80. She also does not "do" online shopping and cannot use the internet so is limited in choice to mail order or what shops exist in her town which sell clothes (small M&S, TK Maxx, Tesco, Morrisons, New Look, Matalan). She is not short of cash.

Visited today and she was wearing the most godawful old lady mint green, acyrlic, zippy up cardigan. I said "Oh that's new mum, haven't seen that before" and she announces it's from the Damart catalogue. If you've ever wondered who buys the "comfortable slacks" and similar items advertised in the national trust magazine, that's my mum.

I don't expect her to be high fashion. Sibling and I often buy clothes for her for birthdays and Christmas, sibling recently bought her a striped breton cotton top which she appears to like. She obviously wants to be comfortable and I do get that. But there is comfortable... and there is the Damart catalogue.

I bumped into a friend of hers recently - similar age - wearing Adidas trainers, black trousers, lambswool jumper. Nothing high fashion or out there. My mum has very odd ideas about clothes and appearance (people over 40 shouldn't wear jeans, women over 30 shouldn't have long hair, if you were meant to have holes in your earlobes you'd be born with them, pop socks are a perfectly acceptable item of clothing) and weaning her off this abomination of a catalogue is going to be tough. Any ideas?

Oh dear, I just had a look at Damart and thought some of things were quite nice. But honestly if your mum is comfy and warm I'd just leave her to it.

Does she live near an M&S? Get her in there for lunch often xxx

It presumably says on the label.

They do nice lunches, so that's good idea.

I've just received a catalogue (how can they afford to send these out at such a rate) because I bought a lovely white cotton vest with no elastane so it skims over my lumps and bumps, soft and comfortable - not cheap but worth it
Sleeveless Vest - Underwear T shirt - Damart.co.uk

I’ve been trying to wean my mum off ‘comfortable slacks’ and into a decent bra for years. It’s not happening. It a shame as she has a lovely figure.

How would you feel if she started trying to tell you what to wear? If she said something was awful, you'd probably think she didn't know what she was talking about. So why should she accept your opinion of what she 'ought' to wear? She's had plenty of years to learn what she likes. You can try suggesting things, discussing colour and style etc, but your taste isn't necessarily hers.

She's your mother not your child. You have no say in what she wears or where she shops from. what next, send her to her room to get changed when she wears something you don't agree with. Grow up.

I agree with this. I'm nowhere near 80 but I prefer paper documents for some things, such as car and house insurance or council tax. They are easier to read on paper, it's easier to find relevant information (am I covered for accidentally sitting on DH's violin? What was last year's premium?) and I know where they're kept. No matter how carefully I file online stuff - like e-tickets on my phone - it takes me ages of increasing panic to find them.

Her body, her choice.

Arrange a jaunt to a town with shops you approve of. Treat her to lunch and browse clothing-suggest items. Treat her to one or two. If she still prefers Damart, be happy for her.

I thought you were going to say she was spending all her money in the Damart catalogue (which I just had a look at online and it looks pretty normal to me). You’re sounding a bit controlling and like you treat your mother like a child. Leave her be to wear whatever she wants. I can imagine it’s intensely irritating for old people when their children (the very people they birthed, wiped the arses of, and literally kept alive) start treating them like babies and thinking they always know better. I bet old folks social groups are full of people complaining about their “well-meaning” kids who think they know better!

But you are doing exactly same as she is , she thinks things are inappropriate you think different things are.

id be using the energy to work out why it bothers you do much. Its quite intriguing.

👏

It's a shame you're so embarrassed by your mother's choices in clothing. If she's in neat, clean clothing, which is appropriate for the weather and isn't in a state of disrepair, why on earth do you care?

Has she expressed any desire to try new brands or styles? Unhappiness with her current wardrobe? Does she ever wear the items you and your sister buy for her (aside from the one top you mention)?

I bought two cardigand from Damart to wear over my work uniform because they do plain shapes in uniform colours. The fabric wasnt great but it does the job.
I did however get some very nice and flattering pink trousers from there but as a rule Damart is cheap and looks it. The fabrics are not natural and make you sweat.
My mum is always dressed in lovely clothes and she is 86 but then she lives in a town full of high end shops and wears natural fibres.
Id be inclined to point your mum towards Seasalt instead and Cotton Traders who do good basics.

This.

At least she’s taking care of herself by having some new clothes. Better than wearing the same twenty year old threadbare jumper with food stains down the front (as my old neighbour did).

Tell her she looks nice and make her happy.

My mum used to like them for trousers, because the short trousers were actually short, unlike M and S.

Introduce her to Lands End, Cotton traders, Woolovers and Boden. My mother was always shopping by phone and these were her preferred places. She used Damart too though. But she was quite stylish. Still shopped in shops.

My MIL buys from that, though she doesn't wear their clothes exclusively. She's in her late 80s and she always looks nice in my opinion. Comfort is a priority for her and clothes that are fairly easy to get on and off as her mobility is limited.

She gave me an unworn coat from there that was too long for her (she's tiny) and it's not the most stylish coat but it's incredibly warm, comfortable and waterproof! I wore it lots last winter, it was just the coat for when it's pissing down and freezing cold and you're just popping out somewhere and want to stay warm and dry. I'm not a person who doesn't care about style - most of my winter coats are vintage high-end/designer charity shop finds, but there is a lot to be said for a practical waterproof winter coat.

In short, I would leave your mum to it, OP. Damart has its place and the quality is good.

Another similar brand she might be interested in is Cotton Traders.

My late Mum loved Damart. She felt they were good value and warm! I see your point but she will make up her own mind about her clothes .All you can do is pop to M and S maybe for lunch and a look round!

I'm 41 and all I care about is being comfy, I couldn't care less about the current style or anything else.

I've bought from Damart! There, I've said it, sue me! I'm 61 but relatively fashionable, but short of leg, and like natural fibres. I bought nice black fleecy (cotton!!) trousers from there, to wear around the house, because no one else was doing them, at a reasonable price. They are comfortable, the right length, with pockets, and did I mention they didn't cost the earth?! This was a couple of years ago though, I don't know what they are like now.

That's interesting because I struggle to get trousers short enough (I'm 5'1"). Even M&S short length are too long now. Thanks for the tip!