How can I wean my mother off the Damart catalogue

[KassandraOfSparta]

OK, she is 80. She also does not "do" online shopping and cannot use the internet so is limited in choice to mail order or what shops exist in her town which sell clothes (small M&S, TK Maxx, Tesco, Morrisons, New Look, Matalan). She is not short of cash.

Visited today and she was wearing the most godawful old lady mint green, acyrlic, zippy up cardigan. I said "Oh that's new mum, haven't seen that before" and she announces it's from the Damart catalogue. If you've ever wondered who buys the "comfortable slacks" and similar items advertised in the national trust magazine, that's my mum.

I don't expect her to be high fashion. Sibling and I often buy clothes for her for birthdays and Christmas, sibling recently bought her a striped breton cotton top which she appears to like. She obviously wants to be comfortable and I do get that. But there is comfortable... and there is the Damart catalogue.

I bumped into a friend of hers recently - similar age - wearing Adidas trainers, black trousers, lambswool jumper. Nothing high fashion or out there. My mum has very odd ideas about clothes and appearance (people over 40 shouldn't wear jeans, women over 30 shouldn't have long hair, if you were meant to have holes in your earlobes you'd be born with them, pop socks are a perfectly acceptable item of clothing) and weaning her off this abomination of a catalogue is going to be tough. Any ideas?

Take her for a day out to John Lewis or a Seasalt Shop etc?

Why can’t she use the internet out of interest?

my mum is same age and she does love the odd damart piece (she gets cold) but also will shop anywhere where they do clothes she likes - from pixie girl to whistles petite. She likes seasalt as they do a petite range in a colour palette that she likes which are both comfortable and ‘put together’ (not keen on that phrase).

but she’d hand my arse to me on a plate if I tried to get her to change what she worn because I didn’t like it.

The thing is, as you get older finding things you like and are comfortable and do what you need them to do is more complex than it is when you’re younger. I say that as 46 year old with quite severe disabilities including incontinence issues (which means I don’t wear anything that couldn’t disguise a “leak” - so black / dark trousers, wouldn’t wear anything light), I have issues with excessive sweating (thanks long term steroids - so I won’t wear tops that show patches, and tend to go for floral prints / graphic prints), I can’t wear trainers that I can’t get off easily due to joint and back issues…. And so it goes on. Due to the long term steroids and medications I take (including a form of chemotherapy for lupus) I’ve put on 4.5 stone and I mainly shop at Yours because their stuff is comfortable, doesn’t make me too hot and I feel like I am not desperate to get into my pjs if I venture out for the day in something from them. I would imagine a lot of my issues are common amongst older people, especially the incontinence and sweating - and you wouldn’t necessarily know that was an issue as who is going to talk about that, particularly the older generation. I do know HOW to dress better, how to be trendier, it just doesn’t work for me and my issues / lifestyle. If my dc started to try and tell me what to wear I’d be telling them to shut up to be fair!

Why can't she wear whatever she wants, and can afford, OP? I'm sure you wouldn't like it if she tried to choose your clothes! Just leave her alone, this is a non-issue....

PS I also agree with her about the holes in earlobes thing 😂

😂

It isn't a catalogue I'd order from, but lots of it is fine OP. They even sell striped Bretons!

I think it's just your mum's taste, not where she is buying from, that you have an issue with, and I don't think there is such a lot you can do about that without becoming either rude or a tyrant or both.

Personally, I'd leave her be.

It's more that she has these very fixed ideas about what is "appropriate" for people at each age of life. If you are 80 or older, in Mum-world, you "should" be shopping at Damart or from the Sunday supplements because M&S, TK Maxx etc is not for the likes of you.

She deserves better. She deserves to have nice clothes which look good, are comfortable, and fit well.

Honestly I am hoping your post was slightly tongue in cheek OP.
I don’t know if you’ve ever ventured onto the Elderly Parents board but if you have you’ll swiftly realise how fortunate you are if your DMs choice of new clothes is your biggest concern.

Exactly this. I wear whatever the fuck I want at the age of 55. I'll give even less of a shit by the time I reach 80.

The fun sponges are out in force tonight.

Exactly.

Can you imagine being a mum and seeing your daughter post something like this about you?

Daughter sounds superficial and pretty nasty about her mum all-round.

But that’s your opinion? Is she happy enough in what she’s wearing? For example, my clothes are mainly from the supermarket, I could afford to spend more elsewhere but I’m perfectly happy with my current set up.

Well at 80 you aren't very likely to change her, even if you were right to do so. I'm surprised that she disapproves of M&S though. It's not particularly known to be super young or posh (or whatever her actual hang up is).

She is 80 she will feel the cold her cardigan keeps her warm, she likes it leave her alone !

I feel you, OP. I think drab depressing clothes run off into drab depressing outlook. If she’s happy by all means crack on with Damart but if she’s got these weird rules…. Why not try to help her have fun with clothes again. A new look and haircut is a tonic.

Damn you, now,I’m going down a rabbit hole of the Damart catalogue!! It doesn’t all look that bad as first glance……

If she likes her clothes, there’s no problem is there? Your embarrassment is a problem but it’s your problem, not your Mum’s.

What's wrong with popsocks? (OK not the point of the thread).

I have been occasionally tempted by Damart but the stuff I did buy wasn't the quality I wanted so they went back.

Shop in TK Maxx and it's really the luck of the draw if you find something after all the time you spend looking through racks and racks of clothes. Perhaps she doesn't want to do that.

Maybe have been pursuing i😂 it just looks like casual clothes I mean it isn't high fashion but for a jumper or cardigan it looks fine.

Definitely leave a Cotton Traders catalog on her couch next time you visit. Seasalt is good too.

There is no words for how much i hate TKMAXX ! It just looks a mess.

Sorry i meant to quote @MrsDanversGlidesAgain .

But you also seem to have pretty fixed notions - of what is suitable for her and which of her views are rigid and should change. It really is nothing to do with you whatsoever and patronizing. ‘Wean’ isn’t a term you use for an adult who has agency.

Why can’t she use the internet out of interest?

@myladyjane it's as much won't as can't. She is an avowed technophobe. She worked in a public sector role where computers were not used, they were only starting to be introduced when she took early retirement around 1998. When my dad was alive he was quite interested in tech, had a laptop, facebook account, email address, booked flights etc online. Mum has no interest and a deep suspicion of anything online. It's all fake, all scammers and all pornography. And is very judgy of people glued to their devices (even when they're not).

She's in Tesco every week for her shopping. They have much nicer things in there than the catalogue.

Who made you the boss of Vouge?
As for " she deserves" what she deserves is to wear whatever the hell she likes, from wherever the hell she likes. She also deserves to have a daughter that winds her neck and doesn't mother her Mother.

Jez this really is a first world problem. Surely celebrate your mother’s independence. Send her a Boden catalogue if you want