Where to find an affordable full-length evening dress for a military event

[EveningDressSuggestionsPlease]

I have just had an invite to a military 'do' at the start of November. I need to find an evening dress (has to meet mess dress standards so must be full length, must cover the shoulders, can't be hugely low cut/ high split). I'm 55 5'10 size 16 (thanks unshiftable menopause weight) hour glass/ big bust (so no high necks) and suit jewel colours.

I've found a few options on vinted but I would like to buy somewhere physical or online with easy returns so I can try a few options to see which looks/feels best. Budget is as low as possible (so I'm guessing I will end up on vinted after all) but is there anywhere I should look for a dress or jumpsuit that fits the brief and won't break the bank? My confidence is at a low so I want something that makes me feel a special as it will be a big night for DH and I'd like to look presentable.

No, they're not all from the same places. They might possibly be from the same country - as places like China & India are the main centres of the world's clothing production. But that's all. With Shein, you can't even guarantee that your clothes won't be full of hazardous chemicals ...

https://www.greenpeace.org/eu-unit/issues/pollution/47807/new-report-hazardous-chemicals-in-shein-clothing-continue-to-violate-eu-limits/

It's quite easy nowadays to do a little bit of research online to find out how ethical/sustainable various companies are. Some high-street companies (such as COS) even tell you the name & location of the factory a garment is made in.

I only suggested one dress that just happens to come from a "modest" range - & that's because I thought the style could look elegant, not because I think the OP has to cover her arms as well as shoulders!

Though I don't think the OP wants something too low cut, just low enough to show some skin on the upper chest & avoid looking overly busty.

I probably over stated the rules because I often see people asking for evening dresses being told they will be fine in a cocktail dress. I don't want a strapless /strappy dress because I'm not happy in a strapless bra. The 'rules' really aren't the issue because even if they were the rules I would be looking for a dress with a minimum of wide straps.

I was trying to set out all my requirements at the start so people didn't suggest short/strapless/ high necked / pale colors / vaguely smart but not at all evening wear appropriate dresses because then when I said no it would get drip feedy.

Several years ago I posted asking for help finding smart trousers for my awkwardly shaped DSs and got loads of 'let them wear joggers' replies which A) are even harder to find for very tall very thin children B) were not appropriate for their dad's medal presentation which was happening as part of a smart dress code event C) the boys don't like joggers and are happy to wear smart trousers. So I wanted to stress the military aspects so I didn't get a repeat.

Lots of great suggestions I haveborder a couple to try on that can be easily returned and I'll hit TX maxx when I have the chance.

Agree, I dislike almost everything that's been posted! And yes, it is plain - but it's elegant & classy & would look great with big gold jewellery - dramatic earrings & cuffs would be perfect.

It also wouldn't leave a trail of beads, or crackle with static ... or burst into flames if you walked past a candle ...!!

I like that too as a budget option if buying new. Simple & dramatic, & comes in a longer version too. Partly polyester, but recycled at least.

I bet the OP could find some of the Next satin ones on Vinted/eBay for even less (& it's more sustainable!).

Yes, I much prefer dresses that, if sleeveless, will let me wear a bra with straps.

By high-necked I thought you meant you didn't want anything that had a collar or details that lay against the neck - but are you counting round/slash necks etc as high-necked too?

I'm not much smaller in the bust than you OP - a 36F (& I think I may have got bigger, but am choosing to ignore things right now!!). I actually find that, especially in knotted/twisted dresses like some of the ones I & a couple of others posted, the emphasis is drawn away from the bust - thereby helping to minimise it. Them being in dark (green/blue/plum etc), quite matte satins also helps.

I would suggest trying them - but I think we probably have different taste & you want something tulle/beaded/sparkly. Whereas I find that dresses like the Monsoon, Ever Pretty & other similar ones posted look just like bridesmaid dresses - in fact, some are described as that - which wouldn't be my preference!

Also, if you have fabulous amethyst jewellery, I'd want it to stand out & not get a bit lost in too many sparkles/sequins.

Out of stock in your size unfortunately - but this is an evening dress & not a bridesmaid dress!

https://www.dvf.com/products/starling-dress-cherry-wood?variant=53081389236588&utm_source=RAN&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_content=53602&utm_campaign=3354356&ranMID=53602&ranEAID=pfxNKSnglIM&ranSiteID=pfxNKSnglIM-na.s.ZLYDwk8VQhQd.vkUQ

On me that would look like I'd forgotten to finish getting changed and come out in my dressing gown!

Would it be economical to use a dressmaker/atelier for a made to measure one?

Yes. I guess it’s personal taste. Most of the outfits here are really not my thing at all. But that’s going to be the case on a board like this of course, with so many differing tastes! I like plain and classic with a nice cut, and accessories to add sparkle!

I haven't worn a crew necked t-shirt this century- I need a cut that shows a bit of something below my neck otherwise I'm all boob from chin to waist - it's not a great look.

I'm not particularly looking for something embellished, my favourite evening dress of the past have been plain, but most of the plain ones I can find at the moment either look like nightwear and a cut to cling on the belly or are totally shapeless which leave me as a rectangle the size of my widest part so would look like a fridge on legs.

Hopefully the next few weeks will see the arrival of winter stock and velvet and proper heavy satin rather than nightie fabric. I've been known to set about beading with a seam ripper before to either remove it totally or reduce the quantity.

Sounds like it will be a wonderful event. Is ballerina-length acceptable? I am from a military family and back when my father was in the army, dress codes for women at mess events were as you described - full length and with covered shoulders. But roll on a couple of decades and by the time I was a military wife (including being CO's wife), it was definitely more relaxed, still covered shoulders, but not necessarily full-length. And that was at an old, "smart" regiment. I even remember a girlfriend appearing in a jumpsuit that looked fantastic and if anyone had complained they would have faced my wrath!

Phase Eight is a reliable go-to for mess dinners, and they have good sales. There's a safe ballerina-length dress there at the moment:
Abbie Wrap Midi Dress | Phase Eight UK |

It's probably OK for shorties but it would be in grave danger of being knee length or not far off on me.

Charity shops in either posh or horsey towns (Newmarket, Cheltenham).

What about this?? Lovely colour, very classic, Whistles' satin fabric is generally heavy & good quality, & it should be a good shape for you? It's not super-cheap - but it's well-reduced & much better quality than most other dresses posted, IMO ...?

Not too much chest on show as it's a cowl neck, you can wear a bra with it due to the straps - & you could wear a black or plum lace kimono style unlined jacket with it to adhere fully to the "shoulders covered" rule?

https://www.whistles.com/product/thea-cowl-satin-maxi-dress-41165.html

Hmmm - I've just looked for unlined lace jackets & there are many horrors out there. I'm lucky enough to have a couple of beautiful vintage ones, one from the 30s & anothef from the late 50/early 60s. But they are harder to find another cost.

You could of course have chiffon or lace angel sleeves (if that's the style you prefer) added in the same shade ...

I've had a quick look on eBay for you.
I'm the same size and height. Large bust
I put in v neck evening dress 16.
Fabulous options including an unworn green velvet dress satin lined. Looks American.
If you fancy it get the measurements as it could be a USA 16 so too big.
I'm a retired big cheese and I buy all my clothes off eBay. They are nearly always on worn designer.

That is lovely- if my size is still in stock come pay day I will definitely order it.

Hurrah!! I've finally found something you like!! 😁

Fingers crossed that it stays in stock & fits you beautifully ...

I have just come across the website Izabel of London and the dresses seem a reasonable cost and beautiful.

I can't see anything there that I would class as evening dress. Even filtering for prom dresses or bridesmaid dresses brings up floral day dresses. Can you link to anything you think might be appropriate?

I was in a bridal charity shop yesterday in Plymouth and it's filled with evening gowns, prom dresses, all that sort of thing - many BNWT. Maybe worth a look in your area?

I would definitely stick with Vinted. You could get 2 or 3 and if they don't suit just put them back on there. If you know a certain brand or designer works for you, look for them first.