Where to find an affordable full-length evening dress for a military event

[EveningDressSuggestionsPlease]

I have just had an invite to a military 'do' at the start of November. I need to find an evening dress (has to meet mess dress standards so must be full length, must cover the shoulders, can't be hugely low cut/ high split). I'm 55 5'10 size 16 (thanks unshiftable menopause weight) hour glass/ big bust (so no high necks) and suit jewel colours.

I've found a few options on vinted but I would like to buy somewhere physical or online with easy returns so I can try a few options to see which looks/feels best. Budget is as low as possible (so I'm guessing I will end up on vinted after all) but is there anywhere I should look for a dress or jumpsuit that fits the brief and won't break the bank? My confidence is at a low so I want something that makes me feel a special as it will be a big night for DH and I'd like to look presentable.

Yes exactly, I was at a very formal tri-service event with royalty a couple of years ago where we paraded to meet the guest of honour and even then we were all mostly strappy dresses (I certainly was!) It would be very limiting to have to cover shoulders.

And yet at the last RN dinner I was at, it was shoulders covered and jackets on for the meal with loosening of collars and covers for the partying afterwards.

Different messes, different rules!

Different rules but also differently enforced, it’s worth OP seeing if she (or her husband) can ask what usually happens at the mess events or look at past photos, our mess rules are officially strict but are not enforced. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t want to stand out (I’d never wear the wrong length dress or one with a slit, though some do) but I highly suspect the shoulder thing is something that is written down but not widely followed. Should be easy to get to the bottom of though.

It’s always shoulders covered. Nobody would be rude enough to say anything on the night but it would be noticed and judged. Quite possibly the person who issued the invitation would be asked afterwards why they hadn’t made their guests aware of the dress code. Way to go to embarrass your host.

ETA The rules are more relaxed for balls but it’s definitely shoulders covered for formal dining nights.

The shoulders covered thing is a doddle though - a kimono, scarf, pashmina, cardigan, jacket or other lightweight covering is easy to add to most outfits.

You just take the layer off after dinner!

@BIossomtoes as I say worth OP doing some digging only she will know the wider context, military is a big old thing and while undoubtedly some formal dining nights are still very strict, there’s a lot where the reality doesn’t live up to the written. Only OP knows the full context.

I’ve explained what happens when the reality deviates from the rules. The rules are what matters, not how many women flout them.

At the end of the day I'm pretty happy with the rules - I need a bra with straps so I don't want to be in something strapless/ with spaghetti straps. High necks don't suit me so I want an a v or sweetheart or a scoop neck but still with plenty of actual boob coverage - skimpy on small breasts is one thing skimpy on G cups is way to be the talk of the squadron for years to come. I want DHs dining out to be remembered for what a fabulous career he has had not for a discussion about my chest!

I do think that it would be a lovely idea to wear the amethyst pendant he bought for you on his travels, OP, as you will be attending his dining out.

Oh, it’s his dining out! Ooh I hope you manage to find something to make you feel fabulous and that it is an evening to remember!

Well it's officially someone much higher up the chains - but a DH and another NCO are are retiring they will be very much included.

This might work? A bit more than you wanted to pay but could be put on Vinted afterwards.

https://www.johnlewis.com/monsoon-monica-maxi-dress-green/p112709924

https://www.next.co.uk/style/su311227/q90916?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=7923566310&gbraid=0AAAAADm_5UXvCSeRUAUF8co_Uhk0fsW_G&gclid=CjwKCAjwhZDUBhBGEiwAbi5bjp3vtOA3bPLPoWyVclGb4NHq1rhGaLWtr_VdZYkDu15C6cYIRU4Z_xoC23AQAvD_BwE#q90916
I wore this for a formal night in a cruise and got lots of compliments.

https://www.phase-eight.com/product/kaida-beaded-maxi-dress-10009580600.html

John Lewis has more sizes in stock, OP.

www.johnlewis.com/phase-eight-collection-8-kaida-beaded-maxi-dress-purple/p113820501

That’s a lot of money for something to wear once.

Do you like this OP? I have it in a size 16, and wore it to a big event when - like you - I couldn't shift menopause weight and was feeling insecure. I felt a million dollars in it.

It's only been worn once and I'd be happy to post it to you. It's just sitting in my wardrobe. You can PM me.
https://www.clubllondon.ie/collections/glam-greens/products/treat-bottle-green-velvet-asymmetric-neck-maxi-dress-with-ruched-detailing-cl136939047

What a kind, generous offer @Goditsmemargaret.

Oh bless you - but I can't do one shoulder- I tried it with a day dress last year with a very good multiway bra but I felt uncomfortable and slightly stressed all day. I need the security of 2 straps.

https://www.laceandbeads.co.uk/products/madison-long-sleeve-tulle-wrap-maxi-dress-in-raspberry
Have you tried Lace and Bead @EveningDressSuggestionsPlease look around plenty of dresses in your budget that would suit the criteria

I’ve bought a couple of long gowns for similar occasions and both times used John Lewis online which is great for returns. Both in sale for about £120 - assume you could sell on.

I do like the dark green colour. I prefer dark green or navy to black.

This is the Scarlett and Jo dress linked earlier I’m a 16 here and carry a lot of weight on stomach.

https://www.scarlettandjo.com/products/isabelle-rose-yellow-float-sleeve-maxi-dress

https://www.vinted.co.uk/items/9580775295-womens-jumpsuit

i wore a jumpsuit from next to a wedding and got a load of compliments in it, I can’t fine the same one in vinted but there are some on there in a few different styles

Sometimes I see clothes I like and I can't afford to spend very much. It is worth putting in the details and quite often much cheaper versions are available. Shein and the ever pretty company actually have some lovely evening dresses. That was a lovely offer from one poster but I don't think it would match the no shoulders showing request from the dress code as it was off the shoulder. Some of the ides with links are amazing. I do hope you find a lovely dress OP..