Feeling unattractive after online rejection, how should I interpret it?

[Endomorfish]

Hello everyone,
I’m new here, my name is Lenka.
I have a bit of a problem and I’d really like to hear your perspective and opinion. I would appreciate it if you could be honest, direct, and kind.
So here it is:
Lately, I’ve been feeling like something might be wrong with me physically. On social media and friendship/dating platforms where I’ve sent requests, I’ve been rejected, and I don’t understand why. Is it because of how I look? Am I really unattractive, or how should I interpret this?
Thank you .
Here is my photo. I am 40 years old.

I'm wondering if it's what you're saying alongside the photo (which you've already had some tips on - i love black clothing by the way, but your expression is rather forbidding). You caused some confusion in your first post referring to "dating". You've since explained you are only looking for female friends but if you've used "dating" type words then people reading may have the wrong idea of what you're looking for and that may be partly where you're going wrong.

If you don't have particular interests you might have some luck with meetup and possibly peanut (I think that's the one for mums?)

You're using dating sites to find friends? I don't think that's very successful for anybody.

If you don't mind me saying so, your look is one I associate with lesbians. To me your photo looks like you are a very attractive lesbian or bi woman - as a bi woman my heart skipped a little when I saw your photo as you're very much my type!

So at a guess the friendship rejections are probably for two reasons. One, most women don't use dating apps to find friends, not really. And two, those who may be doing so, may be assuming that you're attracted to them and are looking for friendship with a view to dating further down the line.

I would honestly try other routes to meeting people to be friends with. But if you want to stay on the dating sites etc online, I'd change the photo to one of you wearing more obviously female coded clothing (your shirt looks like it could be a man's style), and smile. That way you'd appear more approachable and your outfit would be coded a little less as lesbian. Not that you don't look great in it!

I had no idea there were apps to find friends in a similar way to dating apps.

When you say you are rejected online after requests, what do you mean? How does it work on the site you are on? Why is it about your looks if it is just a female friend? What feedback have you had from the women you have approached?

Very good questions…
It seems like it’s disinterest. When I try to join a group, there’s no response—I tried three.
On Bumble Friends I wrote a short comment and also sent a message, nothing personal, and still no response, which is even worse than being told directly to go away, because at least then I would know where I stand.
Honestly, I’m just looking for a place where I can belong, a space for conversation, and only after that to build some kind of connection or sympathy. I’m a quite difficult introvert.

I'm confused are you after friendship or dating? As you mention both in your OP

Friendship .

The photo looks a bit corporate I suppose but I agree it is maybe the apps themselves. I didn’t know they had friendship arms too. Local to me there a number of women’s groups that meet monthly to do a craft or some such thing. I know people always ask if turning up on their own is okay and it really is. I think taking those first steps in person would be a better way of meeting new friends. Good luck.

North East and Yorkshire www.pimmsandneedles.co.uk

Never post a photograph of yourself taken straight on from the front. It flattens your features and looks like a mugshot. Try natural light outside and turn 3/4 facing the camera. Soft shadows will sculpt your face and show your beautiful cheekbones. Smile.

Thank you I will try that 😀

You look very masculine, and moody. I was confused about your gender I had to read the replies to learn more about you. Try a more feminine approach. I think you would suit longer her in all honesty too. Your eyebrows are gorgeous. Based on this imagine alone, I would of thought you’re a man or a lesbian and I would avoid talking to you as a stranger on the internet

I'm don't use to smile on photos I'm smile on both 😏

You look very stern but is that a cultural thing (not smiling)? I take a stern pic myself so I'm not sure what might help apart from thinking happy things.

Edit: the left hand pic is really nice 🙂

Honestly OP, I think that you would be better off finding friends in real life. Do you have kids, take them to school or clubs? Or do clubs or other activities yourself? These are much better places to make friends!

You look like a really serious and maybe grumpy lesbian lady. Attractive, but demanding.

If you want friends, you need to loosen up, smile, have some photos in informal environment doing something relaxing. I'm sure you are not grumpy or too serious/ demanding - get the real you across as much as you can! People want to be friends with someone light, relaxing and chilled.

Photos are not really my thing .. I’m not good at posing or smiling on command, so I probably look more serious in pictures than I actually am. I’m different in real life.

Use informal pictures from parties, maybe? Like a BBQ in a garden - sun, light, smiles?

You look like you're about to be shot

You do look a lot like a lesbian, I like the look but sorry if its completely wrong.

Beautiful feature and and colouring.

Maybe wear a lighter flattering colour, smile and the short hair suits you !

However, asking for honesty? If this pic is for dating, IF I were you maybe some jewellery, a hair clip, and if you can bear it, grow your hair a little so it frames your face more as your look is quite androgynous.

And yes, it’s all about that swipe. That’s the way it works. 🤷‍♀️

You look great!
do you date women or just men?? 😀

Oh, the contrast with the smile!! 😊 lovely.

Emotional damage
Grumpy lesbian ,+demanding 😂🤣... honestly I'm going to review my orientation right know.

I‘m a seasoned dater but wouldn’t look to dating sites to make new friends. That seems odd to me.