Will my DD aged 18 be mocked for this?

[hippospot]

Or sniggered at, ridiculed or ostracised?

Having unshaved underarms at uni.

She has her own style, quite quirky / dark academia, it really suits her. She's bookish and amazing. Tall and striking. I'm so proud of her.

But when she tried on her prom dress I admit the bushy underarm hair shocks 50-something me. At her age I wouldn't have had the confidence or daring to stand out at all.

I offered to get her a razor in the past and she seemed affronted and insisted she likes her body hair. Her body, her choice. I didn't ever mention it again.

The thing is she's at a selective girls school where there's a fantastic ethos of acceptance, lots of clever girls like her and a lot of neurodiversity. I'm worried her uni experience won't be as accepting. She's going to a traditional Russell group uni this year with a lot of public school types.

I'm conflicted about saying something to her again.

WWYD?

Bit dramatic. OP is only asking. No one has said anything yet.

DS 21 has a lovely new girlfriend and he brought her to meet me last week. Sat at the dinner table and she lifted her arms - armpit totally unshaved. She is very cool and has a very distinct style (an art student at Uni), I thought fair play to you!

Do you ask yourself why you are so rude to strangers looking for advice too? If not then you should.

I was on holiday with my DD20 3rd year Russell Group Uni and I said you could do with shaving your pits she eventually did but couldn't give a flying fox

It's great times have changed.

Go gen z!

I’m actually quite envious of your daughter OP. My young teen, upon seeing my winter armpits (summer armpits are generally hair free) remarked how gross it was. Sad that she thinks that at her age. I’ve never discussed shaving or waxing with her; possibly her peer group have. A lot of them have older sisters a bit like a university working PP remarked: long swishy hair, Exeter or Durham university, Lulu lemon clad, probably epilated to within an inch of their lives.

Feel like it’ll sound offensive however I put it, but I get the impression that the type of person who isn’t fussed about their body hair, is the type of person who wouldn’t be fussed about someone commenting on it anyway.
Not to mean they are a bad type of person, I wish I could be like that!

My DD (20s) hasn’t shaved for years! It doesn’t appeal to me but obviously times change. Although I only do my legs in the summer now and pubes if going on holiday/swimming (I do
pits though).

She may very well receive comments and I would think at 18 she is well aware of that and prepared for it. My experience matches a lot of others on here - the young ones give much less of a fuck. Right from now, at 10, girls are getting comments at school about facial hair etc - from boys. The girls are closing ranks. No doubt there will be tough times for some who refuse to cave because the societal pressure is still there - no use pretending otherwise, you only need to look at how young women are getting botox and lip flips - but there is vastly more support too. She will be good.

Ah I missed a page and I see we're pretending men are innocent bystanders 😅

I wasn't intending to be rude. I'm sure @hippospot can tell me if she thinks I have been.

I am sure no one will care very natural. Much better than dying herself orange, duck lips, spiders on her eyes and tatty extensions!

I honestly think things have changed. DD 18 doesn't shave legs or armpits and AFAIK she doesn't get any comments about it. I see cool girls around London all the time with unshaved armpits and legs.
It's funny. On the one hand lots of young women seem to be caught up in some crazy beauty standards (filler, Botox, false nails and lashes, high maintenance hair) and on the other hand there are loads of young women who are rejecting all of that and just accepting themselves as they are, hairy armpits and all.
I'd definitely rather be in the second group!

I've never cared about leg or arm hair but arm pit hair i occasionally get rid off, mine grow really slow though
I only seem to see some after many months.
Anyway, I suppose the times have changed and it doesn't matter to many people anymore,
Although I've noticed i have far less body odour when I have no hair there, so there are some benefits in removing it.

She will be judged by some but it depends on how much she cares.

If she’s ND and emotionally quite young/naive then I would encourage her to shave.

If it’s just a choice because she’s very sure of herself and doesn’t care about negative comments then let her crack on.

My DD who’s the same age and her friend group would be mortified to go out with hairy arm pits (so would I) but they’re all lovely and so would never be unkind about it.

I would hope there wasn’t much bullying in university!!

It's rather fashionable now amongst young people. She'll be OK. I do think these things come in and out of vogue. To be honest, my Mum never shaved her armpits and she was in her 40s during the 1970s. She died quite young in 1985 but spent her life not giving two hoots what others thought of her.

I would personally not bat an eyelid at that.

Her age group? I also don't think they'd bat an eyelid, going by my son and his friends. Male and female. They're all extremely laid back about that sort of thing.

I really appreciate all the perspectives.

The only reason I mentioned Russell Group is because she's going to a very traditional uni but I didn't want to name it and out myself, or her. She's also doing a subject that traditionally attracts a lot of public school types and she's currently at a state school. But I do have confidence she'll find her tribe in the drama society or the Dungeons & Dragons club, regardless.

I definitely applaud her confidence to present how she likes. I was raised by a mother who thought feminism was a dirty word because it would, and I quote her, "put men off". Anyway I definitely tried to conform in my dress and grooming and still do to an extent, but I wish I'd been braver and less conformist!

Just wondering when did it become an expected thing to be shaved? I remember watching an early 70s film and noticed girls with unshaven pits /summer scenes, bikinis by the lake/. I can remeber mid to late 80s was possibly already a norm to shave.

No. Absolutely not. Good for her and f*ck the patriarchy. She’s sounds great. Well done on raising a woman with opinions and a strong sense of self OP

I think it was a thing amongst more fashionable ladies in the Edwardian period. But slowly became more popular as the years went by. A lot of it was driven by the popularuty of sleeveless dresses and suchlike. I think there was a partial kickback in the 60s and 70s due to different social norms. I remember my history teacher in 1982 wearing a maroon sleeveless dress with very hairy armpits. It was just less controversial.

Reminds me of my friend’s mother who bought her smocks for her pregnancy in 2004 and suggested she wore a girdle after she’d given birth. Bushy pits and pubes are fine now, thank God. I’m so glad my DD can just be natural without worrying about every little hair.

Nope that’s pretty boring and normal these days.

When I was 14 and on holiday at the seaside the village was overrun with French exchange students. On the beach one day I saw one girl who was topless but with hairy armpits. I thought good on her. Two English school lads were discussing this within my earshot and they eventually decided that because she was topless they’d let it slide! 😱😳

Op has clearly said she feels the daughter's school friends level acceptance is great, she's only concerned about when she moves on to uni.