Will my DD aged 18 be mocked for this?

[hippospot]

Or sniggered at, ridiculed or ostracised?

Having unshaved underarms at uni.

She has her own style, quite quirky / dark academia, it really suits her. She's bookish and amazing. Tall and striking. I'm so proud of her.

But when she tried on her prom dress I admit the bushy underarm hair shocks 50-something me. At her age I wouldn't have had the confidence or daring to stand out at all.

I offered to get her a razor in the past and she seemed affronted and insisted she likes her body hair. Her body, her choice. I didn't ever mention it again.

The thing is she's at a selective girls school where there's a fantastic ethos of acceptance, lots of clever girls like her and a lot of neurodiversity. I'm worried her uni experience won't be as accepting. She's going to a traditional Russell group uni this year with a lot of public school types.

I'm conflicted about saying something to her again.

WWYD?

Dh whispered to me in a bit of a worried fashion when we were last on holiday, “did you notice dc1 forgot to shave her armpits?!” I just laughed at him and told him it was called freedom and not giving a shit 🤣
he just nodded along but he was secretly absolutely baffled. Not that he should have been, I do shave mine but not religiously, he’s seen my hairy pits more than they’ve been shaven!

Thank god for her and others like her

Im mid 50s and not shocked by that, am the same

Not all of us have these childish reactions to body hair or want to have or see childish plasticky shiny bodies free from hair (male or female)

Aged 18, 19 I didn't shave for a couple of years and I wasn't mocked then. I also had a great love life. I also remember Madonna supporting underarm hair. In my 50s now I shave only selectively. Good on your daughter and all the young women deciding what to do with their own bodies.

Not at all, I think it’s quite trendy now? My dd doesn’t shave at all, no one has ever mentioned it.

I think sometimes as parents we worry too much. Uni is a great place to express yourself, it’s full of so much diversity, no one really comments on how others express themselves, what they wear, what music they listen too or what hobbies they have. My dd had a great time there and made amazing friends, i am sure your dd will be fine.

Is she into punk? All the coolest singers have pit hair. My dds never shave theirs unless they have a dance competition 😆

I think young people are very accepting of differences in style and grooming.

I think it’s horrible personally.

Anything goes at Uni

Its nothing to do with the 'patriarchy'. its women that go 'ewww' and 'disgusting' and 'so ugly', as per this very thread.

Other women seem to care more than men.

They seem to judge more than men too. Sometimes women seem to be women's worst enemies.

You think it isn’t patriarchy because it’s women voicing it? Internalised misogyny is one of the cornerstones of the patriarchy. Women have been conditioned to hate their own bodies and fear their own sexuality for a very long time.

OP I think your daughter sounds intelligent and confident enough that she probably understands the implications of her choices and has broad enough shoulders to take any consequences. I’d be worried too, none of us wants to see our children taking risks and getting hurt, but you’ve taught her to be her own person, and now I think you have to let her run with it. You’ll be there to offer a shoulder if she does have a bad experience.

Aside from being a non-issue in that age group, uni is also a lot less of a closed environment than school. You find your tribe or don't, but it's not like you're trapped with the same small cohort of people you have to see every day.

@hippospot Having unshaved underarms at uni.

What makes you think I would care if I saw your DD?

I have many different things going on in my head that consume all of my energy, but you think I would care if I saw an 18 year old woman with hairy armpits?

I imagine 99.99% of people think the same way.

I still want to know what "dark academia is"; does it involve clever brunettes who don't often shave their armpits? Was I member of it all along without knowing it?

Power to her.
At my high-school, you'd have been ridiculed but I hope (and think) times have changed.
I had hairy pits at a recent gym class and felt embarrassed but tried not to

It's a fashion "aesthetic", kind of like if goth and tweedy professor had a baby!

I don't think this is for you to worry about. If she is feeling uncomfortable at 18yrs she can walk into a shop and buy her own razor but I mostly hope she doesn't have too or does so for her own reasons.
I would never get involved with where my 18yr old shaves herself, she wouldn't want me to start advising her. She would be mortified.

WWID? I'd ask myself why I'd done such a terrible job that I didn't think my daughter could handle idiots who wanted to make fun or not taught her to pick better friends.

I also have a brilliant and feisty daughter who hasn't been a sheep in her life. I wouldn't even have offered a razor. I respect her choices. I trust her to know her own mind.

I’m permanently single and I shave for me!!

OK, Harris tweed platform calf length lace-up boots and an awful lot of eye-liner?
Hmmmm.....

I think it very much depends on your tribe at university.

I work in HE - a Russell Group, even 😁 - and use the gym here, and virtually every young woman in there wears a cute Aybl gym set and has long swishy hair and totally epilated.

Otoh, the Archaeology dept is awash with young women in cords and chunky jumpers and a fair few don't shave, from memory.

Regardless of what anyone may think, I really doubt anyone would say anything to her face. It’s a matter of personal preference.

It's a statement of autonomy. Some may mock, some may applaud - but it's a widespread behaviour, she won't be the only one, and your daughter won't care about what dissenting voices think.

Nah as long as she doesn’t let it get smelly she will be okay.