Help Needed! Mistaken for a gran today

[NewRoseExpert]

Hi All,

I’d love a bit of advice. Today I took my DD (9) and her friend (11) out for a play date. We bumped into someone who knew my daughter’s friend, and he asked her if I was her Nan. I could have cried!

I’m 44, peri-menopausal, and a proud mum to DS20, DS17, and DD9. I’ve recently lost quite a bit of weight, and most days I don’t wear makeup. I do have grey hair, but I thought I had it under control… clearly not! I came straight home and dyed it a sweet latte shade from Garnier.

Now I’d really appreciate some tips on makeup and style to help me look fresher and younger. On weekends, I tend to dress very casually — today it was M&S shorts, an oversized T-shirt, and trainers. During the week, I’m much smarter for work (smart jeans/trousers or dresses).

Any recommendations for quick, easy makeup routines (including product suggestions) and styling ideas that are comfortable but flattering?

I’d love to feel more “younger mum” than “gran”!

Thanks so much, lovely MNs xx

Can you post a pic?

In all honesty it'll likely have been the greys. As lovely as grey/ silver hair can look on some people, it does tend to make you appear older

It probably was the grey hair (sorry). How do you style your hair?

I'm still feeling so self conscious. So hesitant to do this :( I'm a darker blonde, when not grey and wear glasses

I have had times like this. I’m a bit older than you.

I would go hard on lovingly caring for your skin — more so than makeup, although a bit of makeup can also be very cheering. Unfortunately, the only really transformatively nice yet invisible foundation I have found as my face has aged is a Chantecaille one (Future Skin) that costs eighty quid 😭

There are young grans out there, though. 44 isn't really a young gran but it is for the way society operates atm. I can't wait to be a gran but I understand not being ready to look like one!

Have you looked up some styling tips on YouTube or TikTok? They can be very helfpul!

Ouch!

But listen, it was probably just a bad day where you maybe looked like a young nan, rather than a mum. Could you post a pic (even just of the clothes and trainers) so posters can advise?

It's thin so short, below shoulder and at weekends not straightened. I will focus more on styling it going forward.

Similar to this with white trainers. Now I can see this is a bit "sloppy" and I could deffo try harder with my weekend clothes

Of course 44 is a young grandmother to a 9 year old

Sorry this happened OP, I’m sure the man didn’t really see you properly and then didn’t engage his brain before speaking.

True, but I don't think ID cards were requested for the OP or the child, right? Or were they!? 😆

They were not :( I have been asked if I am my Daughters Nan before once so I need to step it up!

To be fair it doesn't necessarily mean you look older than your age, one branch of my friends have a couple of mid 40s grans and I do consider it to be "gran aged" as in you're plenty old enough to be one.

I AM a gran (66) and wouldn't be seen dead slopping about in clothes like that! I wouldn't wear them to sit in the house.

I wear patterned dresses, or plain trousers and a bright top. ALWAYS make-up (a necessity nowadays as I have Rosacea). Sketchers, white trainers or nice sandals. My hair is white but well-cut and layered. I wash and blow-dry it every other day. I have a manicure and gel polish once a month or so. There's no need to look tatty at all. I always look feminine, and my skin is very good, so I don't look my age.

Well l have a friend who was a gran at 36, so it is feasible. Some people don’t think before they speak either. Maybe it’s the weight loss op, sometimes that can drain your face.

Not to an 11 year old though. The maths could make me a gran to a little one. But maths not working for an 11 year old grandkid.

Well since by mid 40s I had a few honorary nieces and nephews (kids of friends my age) who were mid 20s and already finished uni and well into their careers... Yes? If they had had started their families a couple of years sooner

I don't even think the lionesses could rock that set 😬

Its a bit Disney adult just without the Disney.

If you had a kid at 17yo and then your Dd had a kid at 17 it would work.

I bet it was just the grey hair OP. I suspect it won’t happen again now you’ve dyed it.

well, how old was the asker? if he was also 11 he probably thinks anyone over 30 is gran age.

And also however old, he presumably knows her mum, so he knows you're not her mum - at the risk of being massively sexist men don't tend to engage brain before opening mouth about things which might potentially offend someone else but isn't meant to be rude - a nan is not a terrible hag - possibly in his head he just went not mum must be nan and said it. I can imagine my DH asking me "whaaaat?" if he said that to someone and got the death stare from me 😆

so basically don't sweat what a stranger randomly says. Congrats on the weight loss, keep looking and feeling amazing!

I have an 11 year old and my eldest grandchild is 16. Unusual but happens. I had my eldest at 17 and youngest at 40.

I think its the grey hair, because I don't think people look at us properly once we hit middle age. I'm in my 60's and I have gone out in shorts and T-shirt I wear whatever I like. I don't embrace the grey though and I have been asked if I am my 13 year old granddaughters mum, there is no way I look young enough but as I say people don't look properly.

I can't give tips for a 40 year old make up as I'm well past that but I do have an eyelash lift and always have a base on after moisturiser. At 40 I used a tinted moisturiser but its not enough now. I use dew drops and a foundation and Trinnys all in one for cheeks and lips and sometimes on my eyes.

I do think colour helps, but consider going over to the dark side, ironically, and getting a professional salon colour done with highlights.

Id also get your eyebrows shaped rather than put on lots of makeup.

Also agree re focusing on skincare. I’m no expert on that. Maybe head into one of the Korean shops and put yourself in their hands.

Also if you’ve lost weight you need clothes that really fit. I’m watching to see what’s recommended.. I’d probably head for an A line dress, knee length, and I’d try a couple of fitted shirts.

For makeup stuff the FB account Beauty and the Boutique is really good https://www.facebook.com/share/15iVoVnH4C/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Or on Insta Mister Makeup Artist is also excellent for the older face. https://www.instagram.com/mister.makeupartist?igsh=Z3c1ZDBqZGU0a2Vn

Get a good skincare routine going - cleansing, moisturising, hydration, and SPF - and look after your skin. If you want to try stuff then the subscription boxes from Liberty Beauty Drop (quarterly) or Look Fantastic and Glossybox (each monthly) are good for finding new products you like.

I LOVE Trinny London serums and creams, they’re not insanely expensive and they feel good on my face.

Find the things you like, use them and enjoy looking after yourself and you’ll be fine in no time.