Help Needed! Mistaken for a gran today

[NewRoseExpert]

Hi All,

I’d love a bit of advice. Today I took my DD (9) and her friend (11) out for a play date. We bumped into someone who knew my daughter’s friend, and he asked her if I was her Nan. I could have cried!

I’m 44, peri-menopausal, and a proud mum to DS20, DS17, and DD9. I’ve recently lost quite a bit of weight, and most days I don’t wear makeup. I do have grey hair, but I thought I had it under control… clearly not! I came straight home and dyed it a sweet latte shade from Garnier.

Now I’d really appreciate some tips on makeup and style to help me look fresher and younger. On weekends, I tend to dress very casually — today it was M&S shorts, an oversized T-shirt, and trainers. During the week, I’m much smarter for work (smart jeans/trousers or dresses).

Any recommendations for quick, easy makeup routines (including product suggestions) and styling ideas that are comfortable but flattering?

I’d love to feel more “younger mum” than “gran”!

Thanks so much, lovely MNs xx

But I AM a granny! OP is much younger and has been mistaken for one!

They are comfortable and they are not incredibly stylish but there's nothing hideous about them. They are not wide and overly round toed and sturdy looking like Hotter or other shoes that are all about comfort over style. They are just really inoffensive, really comfortable trainers. I bet if they had a different brand name plastered on them or were suddenly the favourite shoe if skinny pretty twenty somethings, people would be less sneery at them. Because they are worn by older women they are seen to be uncool. I think it's simple old=uncool ageism.

My DSis was a grandmother at 36.....

Your opinion is valid and stands for you.
I think they’re hideous. You said you didn’t understand why people didn’t like them and I replied accordingly based on my opinion - they are ridiculously unattractive and have become popular due to their comfort.
I am not in my twenties or whatever your definition of skinny is but they are definitely uncool. I won’t be wearing them now or ever.

They are also worn by kids due to the comfort. I find them awful in small sizes too.

Universally unstylish all round. There is a market for them so good for Sketchers? If they bring joy / comfort to others great? Each to their own..

I am 39 and a grandmother, I used to always be mistaken for her mum, but recently (twice in a month) I've been asked how many grandchildren I have. I'm 39! It's definitely the grey hairs, mines getting so grey. I need to dye it but I like going to swim in the pool so much

Just over a year ago when DS (then aged 8) was in hospital I was asked if I'm mum or grandma 😫. We usually have long generations in our family (I am unusual having my first child at 21) and so to me grandmas are older ladies in their 60s and 70s. I know plenty are my age but I don't feel old enough, I'm not even 50 yet.

I'm developing varicose veins (middle age really has been the gift that keeps on giving) but I've got shorts and wear them in summer. I really don't like getting older, and I was never a looker to start with, but I guess the alternative is worse.

Yes, so the point being made is that emulating your look is going to age OP even more.

I’m 67, a granny to 8 and could have written your post though we do differ a wee bit when it comes to footwear and bright tops.

In fact I’m quite dismayed the Op paid any attention to what was said to (her even before she went to the extent of running home and dying her hair) and that she has such negative stereotypical thoughts about grans in the first place.

Looking feminine is going to make OP look old?? At the moment, she seems to favour wearing baggy, shapeless clothes that teenage boys might wear

🙄

i.e. the current look that's completely in style right now?

Have you seen any 20 year olds recently? Billie Eilish? Pretty much all of the lionesses off duty? Baggy shapeless clothes is the look of the moment.

I completely agree with the other posters. Brightly coloured clothes, white trainers, sketchers, and a blow dry is going to age her another 20 years! I'm sure you look lovely FOR A 66 YEAR OLD but that is the complete opposite of what she wants to achieve.

I was tninking more about this earlier.

I'm 47 so only a few years older. I think at this age it can be tricky if you don't have your 'style'. For me I'm very much a rock chick mixed with preppy. Today I wouldn't look out of place in a field watching a band. Tomorrow I might sling on my white linen trousers, another day I might wear short chino shorts (I have decent legs) and a top of some sort If I'm mistaken for a Scout leader, great I'm a Brownie leader! The other day I wouldn't have looked out of place watching tennis or cricket. I wouldn't wear what the OP was but there's nothing wrong with it and it is what a lot of people are wearing.

It can be tricky to find the right balance, you don't want to look too much like you're trying to cling on to being a 20 something but don't want to look too old and frumpy.

But looking at friends my age none of them are wearing patterned dresses, Skechers, plain trousers or bright tops.

I don’t think it’s the clothes - baggy sporty shorts & Tshirt are fashionable & not ageing.
It would’ve been the grey hair. It is a signifier that you are an older adult.

Embrace the opportunity OP
We all have days when we look and feel dowdy, I do big time.

I didn't wear any of those things at 47 either. I was trying to say that perhaps the OP might try looking feminine. Who wants to look like a bloke, in baggy, shapeless clothes???

I should add that I've got a DIL of 42 and she always looks beautiful - no tracksuit or baggy clothes in sight

45 here and trying to find my new style niche. I have tried on some of the more fashionable styles and I think they make me look…not good. Oversized and baggy is very fashionable for younger women but that is accompanied by the sense of “could whip this off and rock a thong bikini” if you know what I mean.

this is a difficult thread because the true answer is who cares? He probably didn’t really look at you and also younger people are now very used to seeing fillers and Botox so make assumptions about any signs of natural aging.

however if you are someone that does care then I would agree it’s about keeping on top of greys (I have to get mine done every three weeks!) and finding a style that acknowledges you aren’t a teenager but also shows you aren’t a “granny”. Thats hard in the shops at the moment I find.

The baggy shorts and t shirt look is very young eg my late teens dc wear that. Billie Eilish who was referred to earlier is 23! I haven't seen women in their 40s wearing it. Anyway it obviously didn’t make the op look younger.

is there something wrong with being, or looking like, a butch lesbian?

Personally I'd rather wear DM's and a band t than be seen dead in sketchers!

Second this. There seems to be a belief that feminine = looking young though? Which I’m going to call BS on as my massive group of lesbians all look at least 10 years younger than their age (and not just the fem ones..) There is nothing wrong with femininity or masculinity, but let’s not forget they coexist with young/old and everything in between.

It’s the hair. I still wear ageing skinny jeans (old Millenial/young Gen x cross over) and am your age & no one has ever thought I was my nine year old’s mum and have been mistaken for my elder adult son’s partner 🤣 (I don’t think I look particularly young but have an alt/ageing mosher/emo type style which I sometimes think people associate with younger folk).

Should say my nine year old’s nan 🙄 I only wear make up for nights out & sometimes a lot of make up can be ageing in your 40s and beyond. But I do dye my hair.

You're onto something there. I have my hair cut short (too short according to a lot of people who are aghast at the thought of a woman allowing clippers near her head). But it looks so much better on me than long hair and takes about a decade off. A more "feminine" hairstyle just looks limp and rubbish with my peri hair. I would love to have gorgeous, long, thick hair like once did but I don't so I work with what I do have.